DD has regifted something to me for my birthday which has been lying around the house for 3 years

You handled it well. You were right to address it otherwise she think this is acceptable. Well done for bringing it to her attention.
From a young age I saved my pocket money for Xmas and birthday presents for my parents.

I know you're not the PARENT who has created a MN thread from a teenager, and I never implied that you were that PARENT. It's a valid topic to post about, so I don't know why you're making a judgement that it isn't.
Nothing about this thread remotely suggests OP is an 'awful parent' which is how you described her. I stand by that it is harsh of you to describe her as such.
Giving a child this age money yourself to buy a present for yourself is certainly not uncommon, especially in single parent households. In two parent families, often the other parent gives the money to the child, but this option is often unavailable in a single household. It allows the child to experience the feeling and skill of gift buying and the enjoyment of giving etc etc which is all part of developing into a thoughtful and social adult.

You are quite right to be disappointed. I know you were not after the material stuff, just some thought and care.

Mums always put their children first and are willing to sacrifice everything, time, money, energy to make them happy, but when your kids use their priority status to treat you as a doormat, that's really quite shit. I would not smooth this one over and would let her stew for a few days. She needs to feel your disapproval for once.

I have in the past given my kids a wishlist, like PJs, book, nail polish, bubble bath, geode. It means they're not struggling to find something within budget, but they have to actually think about what I'd like.

This is really not what the OP is saying at all.

That’s your opinion - not mine. The OP should be upset because they’ve done a shoddy job, not because of a gift that they were financing in the first instance. Responsibility is the issue here…

You have no idea how the money for presents was given or the budget, I don’t think OP has said they gave their daughter £20 and asked for a gift? I can’t imagine it, she has an allowance but we don’t know how much. Again, I really don’t believe the issue here is anything but a total lack of thought. Even a £4 box of Lindt chocolates because OP loves them and her DD knows that is more thoughtful than wrapping an item already in the house! Or making a card even. I don’t think it’s too young to learn consideration for your parent, especially if she’s already done it for friends and an aunt.

Glad you have got it sorted. It's clear though that she can choose and buy thoughtful presents with your input and support but is not yet independent in that skill. That's all. She will be. It's distressing when teens seem to get less capable and thoughtful but it's just a regression.

Surely the first lesson is missing here which is chores for pocket money? You’re essentially pissed off because your daughter has received a gifting budget (from you), which has resulted in you paying for your own gift - which wasn’t bought. Think you need to head back to basics here…

That is not the point of the thread. That you haven't grasped it is not the Op's problem.

Mumsnet seems to be worse than ever this Christmas, you’ve had some awful replies, you certainly don’t sound like an awful parent to me. I have to wonder about these people who have apparently no expectations or boundaries for their children and what sort of adults they are raising.

I think it’s entirely reasonable to expect your child to come up with a thoughtful gift for your birthday, especially since you’ve ensured she’s got the money for it. I think it’s very important children learn that others (especially mum) are also worthy of consideration and care and part of being a parent is to teach them this. It sounds like you’ve handled it very well and it’s pretty much resolved with the cinema outing. I think it’s fine and a good lesson for her to pay for the cinema (although I’d probably pay for the snacks).

Sorry - aren’t allowances and pocket money doled out for chores? Otherwise OP has essentially set a budget for her own present? What could possibly be more pointless and thoughtless than that?

You sound rather nasty.

I think you were right to not let it go. Everyone saying she's only 13 - at what point would you say something? 16? 18? At 13 she is old enough to know it's thoughtless and if she's made the effort for other people she should do the same for her mum.

You are exactly right, OP. You are teaching your dd a valuable lesson in reciprocity and mutuality which are important in any relationship. It is a lesson many parents neglect to teach these days. Anything with some thought and minimal expenditure - a card, making you some cookies, a massage even (my mum loved those!) - could have done and it is pity that she hadnt spent the time thinking about this.

I’m not the PARENT who has created a MN thread about a gift from a teenager. One which the poster has admitted they funded in the first instance.

At 13/14 (when she’d struggle to find a job or a way to make money of her own) I actually think it’s not about whose money it is so much as ‘mum mentioned that book, I’ll buy it for her’ or ‘she’d love that scarf she likes purple’ or whatever is super thoughtful at that age. That’s surely what gift giving is?

But if your teenager doesn’t have an income, any gift given has come from you indirectly. That being the case, maybe there needs to be a focus on how money is earned - since something given to you can often not have the same value.

She didn’t have a strop over a homemade gift, she was hurt that she was gifted something her daughter had already given her 3 years before and had been sat in the house since then! I’m sure OP would have loved a homemade card or gift, not her daughter to just pick something that has been in the house for 3 years and wrap it up!

Harsh! And ridiculous.
OP is just giving background info pertinent to the situation and her feelings about it

I was on your side until the nonsense about‘ ’investment’ OP.

I understand why you were upset, but the investment stuff is really not a good look. We shouldn’t expect our children to be measured in how much money it’s taken to raise them.

so OP I clicked YABU but I meant YANBU. It’s hurtful and dismissed but I’d let it go

Yes, you have been clear.

And I hope she DOES pay for the cinema. She has to learn a lesson from this - would she re-gift stuff to her friend's that they knew had been gathering dust in her room for 3 years? Doubt it very much. So don't do it to your mum.

I’m honestly not sure that a gift bought for yourself with a teenager as conduit for shopping is necessarily particularly thoughtful?