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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas away from your 1 year old

109 replies

Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda · 22/12/2024 06:40

I don’t get on with my in laws and after spending awkward Christmas and Boxing Day with them every year for many years I have decided that I am not doing this year.
Our DC was born a year ago and two weeks after c-section we were there for Christmas having the most awkward time with DH’s sister and mother acting like a nightmare.
Not doing it again!
DH agreed to spend Christmas Day just the three of us here this year but says he wants to take our DC to his parents (10mins away from us) on Boxing Day. I was absolutely fine with it thinking they would be back with me in the early evening. before DC’s bedtime. Yesterday he tells me he wants to take our 1 year old to his parents from 10am to 10pm leaving me alone all day (I’ve no family here) and also disregarding our child’s bedtime being 6pm (plus we have never once managed to get our DC to nap at the in-laws house so I am guessing he will be up all day). DH sees his parents every week and they see their grandchild as often as they want but DH is saying he can’t just have a few hours with them as it’s not fair. So he is going there for 12h.
I am happy for them to go but not for 12h because of what it will mean for our baby and I don’t think it’s fair to leave me alone all day. AIBU?

OP posts:
Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 22/12/2024 06:53

Edingril · 22/12/2024 06:45

Why does the mum get the final say?

Sure good to compromise but I don't get the idea a mum owns a child

Show quote history

I don't agree. Op already supports in laws seeing baby often and they sound demanding and difficult. Why should she have baby away from her for an unnecessarily long period of time on boxing day when it doesn't need to be? A couple of hours is more than enough for local relatives, imo.

Original poster
Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda · 22/12/2024 06:51

I get that it’s not ideal tha I don’t want to see them this year but honestly I have put up with some pretty draining stuff every year with them for two days over Christmas until this year. I need a break. His mother has been so overbearing since DC was born and even after several conversations with us about this, she cannot stop ‘correcting’ my every move. DH understands why I want a break but obviously also loves his parents (plus really struggles to say no to them)

OP posts:
Allswellthatendswelll · 22/12/2024 06:51

Hard to know. Are they just annoying or actively unpleasant to you?

If they are just annoying I think you should suck it up and go with them on Boxing Day. Then you can leave with LO when you want.

If unpleasant I think you need to say twelve hours is too long but it sounds like you've not really come to a compromise you're both happy with. This is hardly the last time this will be an issue!

itsgettingweird · 22/12/2024 06:48

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 22/12/2024 06:43

Absolutely not. What the hell is he thinking?! You as mum, get final say in this and you need to set out exactly what you are comfortable with. Do not be swayed by anyone else. A couple of hours would be more than enough.

Errrmmmmmm? What?!

He's the father. The equal parent. He gets equal say.

OP let him go. But he also does the bedtime stuff when he gets home and gets up with them in the night if they are overtired and don't settle. He gets to make choices for his children - but he also gets to be the parent dealing with the consequences of those choices.

Guest100 · 22/12/2024 06:48

He won’t be there for 12 hours. The child will be grizzly and wanting mum by 5. He will be home by 6.
Dont stress op, just enjoy a day of quiet. And you must absolutely not do any housework!!

LimeYellow · 22/12/2024 06:46

I guess that he would ideally like to spend Christmas Day with his parents, so he's sort of punishing you for refusing? If so he's being a bit petty, but I also think you're being a little unreasonable for putting your foot down. I think it should be a joint decision between you how to spend Christmas Day, not just you unilaterally deciding that you don't want to see his parents. Keep talking to him and maybe you can find a compromise?

Edingril · 22/12/2024 06:45

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 22/12/2024 06:43

Absolutely not. What the hell is he thinking?! You as mum, get final say in this and you need to set out exactly what you are comfortable with. Do not be swayed by anyone else. A couple of hours would be more than enough.

Why does the mum get the final say?

Sure good to compromise but I don't get the idea a mum owns a child

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 22/12/2024 06:43

Absolutely not. What the hell is he thinking?! You as mum, get final say in this and you need to set out exactly what you are comfortable with. Do not be swayed by anyone else. A couple of hours would be more than enough.

flippetty · 22/12/2024 06:41

Go and collect the baby early afternoon