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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas away from your 1 year old

109 replies

Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda · 22/12/2024 06:40

I don’t get on with my in laws and after spending awkward Christmas and Boxing Day with them every year for many years I have decided that I am not doing this year.
Our DC was born a year ago and two weeks after c-section we were there for Christmas having the most awkward time with DH’s sister and mother acting like a nightmare.
Not doing it again!
DH agreed to spend Christmas Day just the three of us here this year but says he wants to take our DC to his parents (10mins away from us) on Boxing Day. I was absolutely fine with it thinking they would be back with me in the early evening. before DC’s bedtime. Yesterday he tells me he wants to take our 1 year old to his parents from 10am to 10pm leaving me alone all day (I’ve no family here) and also disregarding our child’s bedtime being 6pm (plus we have never once managed to get our DC to nap at the in-laws house so I am guessing he will be up all day). DH sees his parents every week and they see their grandchild as often as they want but DH is saying he can’t just have a few hours with them as it’s not fair. So he is going there for 12h.
I am happy for them to go but not for 12h because of what it will mean for our baby and I don’t think it’s fair to leave me alone all day. AIBU?

OP posts:
BeRubyHedgehog · 22/12/2024 07:56

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Original poster
Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda · 22/12/2024 07:54

DH is very hands on and ‘in tune’ with our baby’s needs but that goes out the window at his parents house. whatever his mother says goes. The last time we was all there, after another unsuccessful attempt at putting our overstimulated DC down for a nap, I walked in on his parents talking poorly of me how I try to control the day by putting the baby down just before we eat instead of making him eat with us (by then our 7 month old DC had been up for 6 hours and literally loosing it). That was one of the reasons why I decided just to remove myself from their company so to speak

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 22/12/2024 07:53

id be relaxing

Brisk walk at 10am, Hot bubble bath, films, chocolates.

enjoy having a break & spending some quality time with yourself

Penguinmouse · 22/12/2024 07:53

No. Stuff that. You made a plan, you had a bad experience last year. If he wants to go to his parents he can, you and your child won’t be doing that.

BeRubyHedgehog · 22/12/2024 07:51

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BeRubyHedgehog · 22/12/2024 07:49

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Vettrianofan · 22/12/2024 07:49

If everyone could kindly bugger off and let me be on Boxing Day I would be delighted 😂 I have 4 DC though so love periods of being on my own.

Zonder · 22/12/2024 07:48

Do you have two cars? If so he can go in one and you pop in at 6 for a quick Merry Christmas and to collect baby for bedtime.

If only one car you can drop them in the morning and collect baby at 6. DH can get a lift home.

BeRubyHedgehog · 22/12/2024 07:48

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SunshineAndFizz · 22/12/2024 07:48

Mate, honestly, let it happen. Don't waste energy on arguing.

A few others have said this - there's no way he'll stay there until 10 with a one year old who hasn't napped.

Let life teach him this lesson and you enjoy a day of peace.

Missmarymack2 · 22/12/2024 07:47

Maybe I am awful but I would actually relish the break and being alone. 10pm is too late though I would have an issue with this. I’d ask him to bring the baby back in the afternoon or go and collect baby. They are only ten minutes away.

Vettrianofan · 22/12/2024 07:47

Enjoy your peaceful Boxing Day. Let your DH deal with an overtired and grizzly baby. His choice.

BeTaupeBear · 22/12/2024 07:47

No way would I want my baby out that amount of time without naps and overtired they’d be feeling terrible!
Completely unfair to your child, really seeing his parents for a few hours with baby is plenty. He can always go back alone later on.
No way would I agree to this, he’s using your child as a weapon to punish you with.

GreenSedan · 22/12/2024 07:46

Of course I have. This is hysterical advice being given here.

BeRubyHedgehog · 22/12/2024 07:45

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Petrasings · 22/12/2024 07:44

GreenSedan · 22/12/2024 07:40

Don't be so ridiculous.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t take my baby for 12 hours without a rest. Most good parents wouldn’t.

GreenSedan · 22/12/2024 07:40

Petrasings · 22/12/2024 07:39

The problem is that it’s actually not fair on the baby! You know that small detail of child welfare. Jesus.

Show quote history

Don't be so ridiculous.

Petrasings · 22/12/2024 07:39

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 22/12/2024 07:37

He's agreed to do the Christmas you want so I don't see why this is a big deal. You can have a peaceful restful day and he can visit his mum so that you don't have to. Im sure you'll be fine for a day. There is no problem here unless you choose to make one.

The problem is that it’s actually not fair on the baby! You know that small detail of child welfare. Jesus.

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 22/12/2024 07:37

He's agreed to do the Christmas you want so I don't see why this is a big deal. You can have a peaceful restful day and he can visit his mum so that you don't have to. Im sure you'll be fine for a day. There is no problem here unless you choose to make one.

HPandthelastwish · 22/12/2024 07:34

I'd be making it sounds like it was his idea to take the baby 10:00-14:00, then bring him back to you before going back fir some adult free time.

I'd be telling him my (fictional) plans of what I was going to do on this lovely child free day, the walk I was going on and the cinema film I was going to see with X friend. Chances are as he is a twat and punishing you he won't want you to do those things so will say he is bringing DC back early.

Petrasings · 22/12/2024 07:32

He is prioritising his mother over you op. That was evident last year when you were forced to go just two weeks post c section. Your dh needs to start putting you first, and fast.

Eenameenadeeka · 22/12/2024 07:32

I'd rather go so that I could leave early with baby because there's no way I'd want my 1 year old out until 10pm, or skipping nap. But Maybe he will realize when he does it that it's too much and bring baby home.

GravyBoatWars · 22/12/2024 07:31

Your DH is supporting you in your decision not to spend any of Christmas with your in-laws and he’s postponing celebrations with his family to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with just you and your DC. I think letting him go over there for Boxing Day and not trying to control how that goes is a reasonable compromise - you’re choosing to stay home yourself and that’s completely fine, but I don’t think it’s fair to also blame him for leaving you alone.

He’s equally the baby’s parent. Tell him if he doesn’t want to bring the baby home to nap and have a reasonable bed time then he needs to be ready to handle the overtired baby that results, then plan some lovely things for yourself for the day and let him get on with it.

BilboBlaggin · 22/12/2024 07:30

Do you not have any family OP? When do you get to see them over Christmas if you're always with in-laws every year.

I must say also, very unreasonable of your DH to make you spend Christmas at your in-laws home last year when you were only two weeks post c-section.

Petrasings · 22/12/2024 07:27

I agree he is angry indirectly having to let his foul parents down on Christmas Day. He has no back bone and I would find that deeply unattractive. As a result your in laws and dh are punishing you by making the Boxing Day gathering much too long. A revenge of sorts, because there is no way this is in the best interests of the baby!

I would say unless you can stick to 11-4pm she isn’t going at all, and if this continues you will cut back on all visits.

Your in laws should not be undermining your every move. What has your dh done to address this?

In the longer term your dh needs to stand up for you and see his parents for what they are. I would be looking to move further away, it all sounds too emeshed to me. Enjoy the break op if your dd does go.