Christmas away from your 1 year old

Youve theee options really:

1. say no to all day. Baby comes home for his usual bedtime.
2. say nothing; enjoy the day but dh does all parenting when he gets home. You will be asleep by then.
3. say no. He goes but absolutely no way baby is spending all day without you.

You'll have more influence on how the day goes if you are also there @Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda

I'd go in the afternoon for an hour or so & bring DC back with me so the bedtime routine is maintained, if that's what you want.

The 12 hour thing is to punish you, whether it’s his idea or his mother’s. Don’t dismiss the posters saying this is a sign of a bad marriage, you may not be at LTB stage but this is not him treating you well.

I would say: “bring baby back at 4. Or you get 24 hours as I’m not dealing with a grizzly baby overnight.” But don’t argue, that’s the aim of this whole plan, just calmly stick to it.

You definitely have a DH problem
He’s not meeting his babies needs in order to appease his mummy

Wow! Some of these responses are pure evil!

'I'd book Christmas away next year or this will start being a tradition'

'You could collect him and let your husband stay on. If you could tell your husband to come home and force him to put an overtired child to bed.'

I am a single mum, I have many gripes with men! But a man wanting to take his child to see his family is not something I'd be pissed off about. Your child has a right to know all of its family! People crying into their pillows about routine... you really need to get a grip. If this woman is so upset, she can pick up the baby and go home!

I would compromise here.

I'd enjoy a relaxing day to myself while he takes the baby to his parents. Get the house straight, eat the leftovers, watch some films, have a nice bath, maybe a nap. Then I'd pop over and fetch the baby home for bath time "so you can relax with your family for the evening DH". Job done.

They are 10 minutes away and see the baby often despite OP saying she doesn’t really go over to in-laws. So presumably DH frequently takes baby over to his parents house on his own. So not a strange environment and DH used to having baby on his own?

Of a one year old? Yes, still part of the mother baby dyad that the father is not part of. Its about not depriving the child of his or her mother. Not the fathers rights to suit himself and hang what the infants needs are.

So these in-laws are overbearing, and critique your parenting to your DH? Perhaps this is coming from them, this idea of a 12 hour day with them?

They probably want to maintain control over their little boy/your family, and are guilting him into spending all day with them as a form of punishment to you for standing up to their overbearing ways.

Who would want to spend time with people who critique their parenting? I don’t blame you. Your DH needs to put firm boundaries in place regarding this shit.

Can I ask what his mother and sister do that make you feel so awful that you've essentially shut them out of your life?

I grew up with my dad's brother's wife doing this to our family and we never fully understood the reason! He always jumped to her every wish and as a family we never got to know my uncle or cousins! Sad really!

If my partner refused to spend any time with my family, then I'd probably do the same as your husband. It is his child too and they have a right to spend time with his side of the family if he wants your child too. As others have said he probably will be home earlier and if he's not, the child will survive and the world will keep turning.

You can't expect your husband to give up his family because you don't like them.

You issue is with your husband.

His mother is his priority rather than his wife or child. Who will be dealing with the toddler on the 27th, because I'd be expecting a horrible day if he's kept up until 10pm.

You need to book next Xmas away or this will end up as a set in stone tradition every year.

If we were in this situation I know that DH would bring the baby home around 4 or 5 for their supper/bath/bed. But it's concerning that he's not backing you up here. And they're only 10 minutes away so 12 hours is totally unnecessary!

Some people are more challenging but in your circumstances with them being close by I would be going with him around 11 them heading home at 6 with baby, letting him stay on as late as he wants

The problem here OP is that you unfortunately had a baby with a cowardly mummies boy. I did the same and frankly my life was a nightmare until the day she died.

seems he is….

It's not Christmas away from your 1 year old is it though? It's Boxing day.

How far away do they live? Is that why he feels he has to go for that amount of time? My PIL live around 3 hours away so it was never easy to go for a day visit with wee ones. By the time we'd arrived and seen both of them, done presents, (they're not together) eaten, taken DC to the park or whatever, it was a 12 hour turnaround time with the 6 hour drive. No point in driving for that long if you're only going to stay an hour or two either. But if they're local, he's definitely BU. No need to stay past bedtime - it would be reasonable to say back by 6pm to put DC to bed.

As for spending the day on your own, gently, you are the one who doesn't want to go. It sounds like you have very fair reasons for that, and your MIL sounds like a headache, but it is fair that DH still does want to see his family and wants them to see their grandchild.

If that's not an option, I agree with pp who are saying let DH deal with it and he can find out first hand how hard it is dealing with an overstimulated 1 year old and see how much bandwidth he then has for the complaints of his childish, demanding mother. Have some time for yourself. I bet he'll be so frazzled he'll be back way before 10pm anyway!

I think I'd want my dc home by 4pm.at the latest. Obviously if dh wanted to stay later that'd be up to him.

Are you asking me if I'm retired? Is that supposed to be an insult? What a nasty poster you are.

OP, try and ignore voices like @BeRubyHedgehog They're just here to wind you up. Enjoy your time to yourself. It doesnt come round often.

I think there's two sensible options here.

The most grown-up is to suggest you bring DS home at some point in the afternoon.

The other is, as PP said, that DH brings him but he also does the overtired bedtime, night wakenings, morning the next day.

Enjoy the downtime while he's away. Most mums of 12 month olds struggle to get 10 minutes to themselves never mind 10 hours, so lean into it. No housework, just a long walk and then a movie and a box of chocolates (or whatever your relaxation of choice is).

So whether you are there or not it’s going to happen. If she is hands on but then has to deal with your baby alone after his parents have over stimulated - then maybe he won’t just go along with it at other times

If this happens this year I guarantee it will happen EVERY year. Do you want to be aline every Boxing Day?