Christmas away from your 1 year old

Divorce because he wants to take his child to see his parents?

Are you normally this prone to over reacting?

Honestly, I’d say great and enjoy my day - on the condition that he’s the one who comes home and does bedtime and the night wakings and the grizzly next morning early wake up. Have a lovely relaxing day to yourself and let him deal with the carnage. More than likely he will abandon ship after 6 hours with a cranky baby and no chance to properly catch up, eat a meal, etc because he’s flying solo.

@DeepRoseFish with all due respect you sound a control freak. At ten months old my daughter was staying overnight with her very loving father. You probably moan that dads don't do enough, whilst barking orders at them to do it your way.

@DeepRoseFish I am so confused. Why is 12 hrs outrageous? I've taken my child at one years of age to friends and family and stayed for 12 hours. I'm struggling to see the problem?

The easiest suggestion would be you all go over at 10 and then you and baby leave after 2/3/4 hours when you have had enough . Btw this is a husband problem as much if not more than a MIL problem , he needs to deal with her .

12 hours is outrageous OP.

What an arse.

Let him go. Seriously this one is not worth having the argument. Either it will all work out fine and the three responsible adults will find a way to get your LO to nap or your DH will bring him home early having learnt not to mess with baby's routine and expect a relaxing time.

I remember flouncing upstairs at my ILs in an exhausted huff because we'd been there with a non-sleeping 6 week old for three days, during which I hadn't slept for more than 10 minutes (baby had colic) or had a shower or a proper meal (ILs like to eat out but no one had brought me back anything since they "thought I'd like to choose myself"). It took a lot of pacing about the house, ham-fisted swaddling and rocking, but eventually DH and FIL got the baby to sleep and MIL brought me up a big plate of scrambled eggs, toast and bacon.

Don’t be ridiculous. We are talking about a 1 year old who is likely very attached to mum at this age.

No way would this be happening. He can go baby stays with you.

And then think about filing for divorce.

Crazy concept (but one a lot of single mothers will be able to relate to) what if you just allowed the more than capable DH take the baby for the day and come back at 10pm

Instead this post has vilified the poor guy because he wants to spend sometime with his mother and father over Christmas.

All these posters baying for his blood, will probably be on here years later complaining that their son doesn't want to spend time with them at Christmas because of daughter in law.

There is no problem here. Other than the OP is not getting everything her own way!

You have an in laws problem and a husband problem.

He’s not being fair to you or to his child.Tell him what you would prefer him to do calmly and without arguing. Then let him do whatever he decides to do and try not to let his decision spoil your day.

It’s high time the umbilical was cut, but unfortunately you can’t do the cutting!
Only he can.

This. Your child will be fine. Enjoy a peaceful day. Your partner and child will have had enough long before 10pm.

Same here.

I get that mum is usually primary caregiver in the early years. But I wonder if the mentality that mum reigns supreme feeds into a lot of the issues with in-laws I see so often here. Grandparents seem to be required not just to respect parents' wishes and ways of parenting, and be mindful of offering too many unsolicited opinions (entirely reasonable) but to defer to them, agree their way is right, never breathe a word if they don't agree with something, and not just respect the mum but worship her as a sacred vessel and accept that whatever she says goes and nobody else matters.

Don't get me wrong, I know there are difficult in laws (mine are no exception!) but I do think the modern culture here of nuclear families with only very peripheral extended families (different to the culture I was raised in) makes it harder to have harmonious family relationships and pathologises things that I grew up with as very normal in terms of how different generations interact.

Why on earth is he stipulating the time he'll be there must be 10am-10pm?! Surely that's a decision for both of you to make together as to what time is best for baby to be home. You're not happy with it understandably so if he can't compromise with you and come home earlier then that's a cause for concern in my mind.

@thepariscrimefiles whatever the problems with the parents (if they are dicks, then the OP is justified to not want to go) BUT if it's just for one day the one year old misses a nap or goes to bed late I think the baby will survive. She's already said DH is a hands on dad! Which makes me think, if he sees the baby is distressed he'll tweak the plans!

If you don't want to be alone, want your baby home earlier and want to remain in control of the situation, especially with naps, I think the best solution is you go along to Boxing day with the in laws. You can then leave at an appropriate time.

I don’t understand this either - it’s nuts.

She isn't asking him to give up his family. She is asking him to bring the baby home at a reasonable time for bathtime and bedtime.

OP's in-laws are over-involved nightmares but they still see the baby every week so nothing like your dad's brother's wife.

It is unreasonable for OP's DH to tell her that he and the baby need to stay at his parents for 12 hours. His parents don't want the baby to go down for a nap so by the time they get home the baby will be distraught. It is terrible parenting by OP's DH and terrible grandparenting as none of them have the best interests of the baby at heart. It is all about the wants and needs of the adults and not the baby.

That what you took from the batshit Idea if keeping a one year old up for 12 hours away from their primary carer?

I would agree to a few hours but no way would I be agreeing to this ridiculous suggestion.

Agree with you OP, your baby should be with you on Christmas Day. Wether you go with DH and baby or whether DH accepts a quieter day at home. This is a DH issue - he is prioritising his family over you. That is what would worry me.

Honestly I wouldn’t put my daughter in that environment without me. Compromise- go all of you for lunch til DDs bedtime

I’d bloody love 12 hours of no kids after the madness of Christmas Day. Sounds like heaven.

One day out of routine isn’t going to do any harm and if DC is tired/fussy DH can always bring him home. I can’t really see an issue.

10 hours is ridiculous. It sounds as though your DH just wants to punish you for not spending Christmas Day with his parents and not coming to their house on Boxing Day.

It isn't fair on your baby to be away from you for so long and to be out of its routine. Tell him that he needs to be home by the time you usually do the bath/bedtime routine for your baby.

How are his parents "winning"? Presumably they would prefer to see their son and his family on Christmas Day but OP isn't allowing that.

You need to nip this in the bud.
His parents are 'winning' here.
Don't send your baby away for such a long time.
Your husband doesn't sound like he's considering you at all, and the baby not much.
He is considering his parents wishes above all else

@Wewishyouamerrychristmasanda

This is about your boundaries, put your foot down, I agree 10 or 11 until 4 is plenty.

Assert yourself it's hard in the beginning but worth it.