He’s cancelled our Christmas - what can I do?

What about the case of Sara Sharif custody awarded to the father was that the right decision?

What about the case of Sara Sharif custody awarded to the father was that the right decision?

Given that main residence is overwhelmingly given to the mother if not 50-50, how on earth do you reach this conclusion?
I know MN is massively skewed towards women being helpless victims of evil men, but the family courts stats will taken some twisted logic to conclude they are biased against women.

Sara Sharif’s father was given custody of his dc. The authorities don’t always get it right.

I’m only going to Wales. And I fought very hard for my son to come too as his grandmother is end of life and wants to see him before she dies. Son wants to go. He’s said no.

This shit needs to stop. All courts should award a 50/50 split with shared Birthday contacts, Christmas holidays split fairly on a rota and phone calls allowed when child/ children with the other parent. Costs for upbringing need to be split right down the middle and each time either parent deviates from this, then it should be logged with family services. Any bad behaviour from either parent needs to be evidenced, then and only then, should the courts look at changing arrangements. Too many kids lose out on relationships with a loving parent because one of them is either jealous, controlling, or just a general dickhead and USE the kids to get back at/ punish/ bully the other. If they can't behave like a reasonable, responsible grown up Parents with the child's best interests at heart, THEN services should intervene. Access should be timetabled right at the beginning with CLEAR instructions ( for those who consider their needs greater than the child's, ie, wants a night out and couldn't bare to miss a party) if a parent is deemed unsafe, with a history of drugs/ violence etc. this needs clearly evidencing right at the beginning - any dv should be taken into account ( even if they never laid a finger on the kids) and BOTH parties should be present and NO ONE should ever take the word of one parent against the other. Only medical/ police records should cut it.
This shit damages children and the grown ups need to do just that! All of them, social workers, judges, police, parents, the whole lot of them. The whole system is total bollocks!!

Odd example to use

There is a child arrangement order with my abusive ex who is ‘resident’ parent. I have initiated court but for a without notice so he won’t know as he’d stop contact. It’s a whopper of a backstory but not relevant now. The order was that he’d make my son available for ‘reasonable time’ with me. Of course that’s literally as little as possible. My son is really suffering as he wants to be with me. Come home or at least spend more than 5 hours a week with me. I’ve tried everything, mediation galore, you name it. He won’t engage. Behind the scenes I’m organising medical evidence proving he made me physically unwell via the DV. That will take a bit more time. So I fed back to my sons safeguarding lead some concerns I had and they raised it as a safeguarding flag (I don’t know what this means?) and he has hit the roof via the parent app. He has told me that from now on I won’t see my son. I have to find and pay for a mediator but he has to approve and have final say. He’s cancelled our planned Christmas together whereby I was going to have my very first overnight in two years, something my son is desperate for. He’s only five. Last year I wasn’t allowed to wish him merry Christmas. Or happy birthday. I can’t go to the school for events. I had to do a SARS for his medical records. I am with family abroad this Christmas Day and a zoom was organised for my parents and my son and me obviously, our Xmas was being celebrated when I returned. He’s told my son I have a ‘bug’ and I’m banned from joining in the zoom call on Christmas Day. My second Christmas without any contact. I haven’t a clue how long the court will take, it’s been about five weeks since I applied marking if urgent. The little time we have together we always have an amazing time, we are like peas in a pod, he never wants to leave me and he’s told every professional going what he wants - me. But ex won’t move at all. Up until recently he had me supervised for one hour a week for well over a year. The social worked just said they can’t make him do anything and my only option is court. They can say I’m no risk and it’s best for my son but if he won’t listen they can’t get involved. This is going to devastate my son. He’s finally gotten into our new routine of our 5 hours a week being at his home with me and now it’s been completely stopped meaning tomorrow and Xmas ever I now won’t see him. Our 2nd January ‘mini Xmas’ and ‘sleepover’ is cancelled. I don’t know when I’ll see him again. I just want to scoop him up and keep him for the knowledge of the impending catastrophic emotional damage that he’s going to be experiencing in the coming day, on top of an already deeply traumatised 18 months. He is looking for any reason to block contact. If I don’t feed my son at the exact time ex insists I do. So many micro rules. If I don’t reply to a non urgent message fast enough he will bombard the app with 24 messages I had over only 2 days last week! I was in a total state of trauma looping and anxiety I couldn’t even open them and had a friend do it. He said no contact until I had read and responded and if he felt it was an acceptable response contact could go ahead but he demands that I check the app twice a day every day or contact will stop. My experience in court was unlike anything I could even comprehend and in that way I feel conditioned to believe that he is right and anything he says is believed without me even being asked. I’m scare that this will happen again, his criminal record ignored, his positive drug test ignored, his everything ignored and things that he says with no evidence that aren’t true that I have evidence to prove it’s untrue aren’t even seeing the light of day. I clam up under pressure, he is perfectly calm and very very authoritative whereas I cry and then look crazy. I’m asking for some outside non conditioned brains and opines on what I should do, would I be unreasonable to make a further urgent emergency app to court on Monday to stop this awful man severing my son and I for god knows how long?

You talk about social services but isn't it cafcass who have recommended your son lives with his father with minimal contact?

I'm am so sorry OP - stories like yours are exactly why family courts should not be secret.

This is how society is allowed to get away with promoting the myth that women are favoured in family courts (hello Fathers4Justice), when in fact studies show the opposite is true. The unfairness you've experienced is misogyny.

What you've said here:
My experience in court was unlike anything I could even comprehend and in that way I feel conditioned to believe that he is right and anything he says is believed without me even being asked. I’m scare that this will happen again, his criminal record ignored, his positive drug test ignored, his everything ignored and things that he says with no evidence that aren’t true that I have evidence to prove it’s untrue aren’t even seeing the light of day. I clam up under pressure, he is perfectly calm and very very authoritative whereas I cry and then look crazy.

is unfortunately quite common, and is how domestic abusers get their own way. They are often capable of making themselves look very good, while reducing their opponent to looking like a gibbering fool in their shadow.

Without outside judgment to rein them in, some judges are perfectly happy to flippantly act on emotion and superficial impressions rather than actual evidence. Usually women suffer.

In terms of solutions, you will have to contact Women's Aid for advice. I would say he is continuing to abuse you remotely via coercive and controlling behaviour, which is surely a crime? The only thing I can think of doing is reporting him to the police for this, and also making an emergency social services report.

Because he gushed about how important I am to my son and how I can see him as much as I want fo, the judge determined it was up to him to make my son available to me for ‘reasonable time’ and he has done the opposite.

We had one in last hearing. He hoodwinked him so much sl the guardian didn’t even meet me yet wrote a report against me

Hmmmm something not right here, your ABUSIVE ex has full custody and you havent had your child overnight in 2 years, if this were the other way round with a mother doing that to a father I could understand as courts MASSIVELY favour the mother (even the bad ones and they do exist) but not in this case!