Do I police my sons friends phone usage at my house?

Talk into the early hours, absolutely. But without their phones. Honestly the stuff kids are seeing is horrific, they often don't even mean to.

Honestly what's to stop him showing your son somthing inappropriate during the day . If that's infact what will happen.
Don't you trust your son to tell you if he is shown somthing he shouldn't see ?

You sound like an absolute delight

Blimey, talk about dramatic. I meant that kids stay up later, talk into the early hours etc. Normal rules tend to be relaxed at sleepovers, it’s meant to be fun.

Considering so many children age 11 see violent pornography for the first time (anyone else seen the recent documentary on channel 4?) I don't think you are being unreasonable.

This is about protecting YOUR son, not appeasing theirs. I would have it agreed before the sleepover that phones are left downstairs at bedtime and he's welcome to have access to the landline or you can call his mum if he wants.

The best thing is surely to just make it clear prior to the sleepover what the mobile phone rules are. The friend can then choose to just leave his phone at home, not have the sleepover at all or he will already be prepared for leaving his phone in the hall/ downstairs.

If a parent is worried about their child staying somewhere or that they can’t take their phone to bed with them; which is crazy they are allowed anyway. Then don’t let them have sleepovers! It’s madness all the people saying they should be allowed them, does anyone remember sleepovers as kids where we didn’t have a phone. Perhaps next time just tell the parents in our house we have this rule etc. if they don’t like it then they don’t have to stay.

Unpopular opinion but this is part of the reason I don’t have children for sleepovers, nor allow mine to go on them. Period

This is why we recently bought a house phone :) A kid can use that no problem at all.

We had a no phones in room overnight rule. This also applied to sleepovers.

I would tell the child that their phone would be on the landing to charge, so they still had access.

I would also speak to the parents of the child to check what their rules are, if they have screen time set up and to also let them know your rules in your house.

Too many people giving kids unlimited access to mobiles and not considering the consequences. 😔

Oh yeah, anything goes on sleepovers. Why not?

Porn? Violence? Talking to paedophilles hiding on apps like Roblox? Yeah why not just relax? 🤦‍♀️

@Puzzledandpissedoff I found that once the phones were on the landing, the volume in the bedroom went up but the phones stayed there. Without the crutch/barrier of each having a phone, they chatted (loudly!) until they eventually got to sleep.

What a disgusting way to talk about child. Get under your bridge troll 🧌

The suggestion of leaving outside on the landing where he can use it if he needs to, but is out of the room is a good compromise and seems to be popular suggestion

TBH I'm not so sure, OP ... once you're in bed yourself the phone would probably last microseconds "on the landing"

Personally I'd have checked their own phone rules with the lad's parents before the sleepover, partly to find out whether "I can have it all night" is true, but mainly so you have the chance to reconsider the stay if their parenting choices don't align with yours

I'd make him leave it downstairs. He can still contact his parents, he just has to walk down the stairs to use it. 12 steps are not likely to be a major roadblock.

I’d like my daughter to always be able to discreetly text me if she feels uncomfortable and needs collecting.

It's probably a conversation to have had with the friend's Mum prior to the sleepover. For all you know, the child's Mum might have the exact same rules at home! If there's a rule to exploit, then kids will generally find it! However, in this instance, you don't know if what he's telling you is correct or not. I would allow the phone on this occasion, but make sure you discuss this with the child's parent, when he is collected tomorrow. The parents might be of the same mind, no phones in the bedroom at night, at home, but would prefer him to have his phone at night at yours in case he wants to text/call home. On the other hand, the child could have access to his phone 24/7 at home and they'd expect the same at yours! Who knows, their opinion, until you ask.

Goodness

My kids and their friends have been having sleepovers since about age 7 or 8, none of them had phones at that age of course.

If they were anxious and needed to contact a parent they asked me, or they told my child and my child asked me.

Can’t see why it would need to be different for a 12 year old.

The slight downside of it being harder to contact mum is FAR outweighed by the potential for mischief with phones upstairs. That’s exactly when mean or inappropriate messages get sent for example.

Ask him to turn the phone off!
He can turn it on if he needs her

I would have told him clearly the rules in this house and offer to drive him home if he starts to feel anxious. You are being played.

Anything goes at a sleepover doesn’t it? I’d relax rules for it.

I think as it's his phone you shouldn't be taking it away. If you want him to not have his phone you should explain that before he stays over and he can decide if he wants to or not.

Some kids don’t like sleep overs either hosting or as a guest. This doesn’t mean they don’t have good friends.
My DD is 15 and has never had one she has incredibly close group of friends.
My DS is 18 and had many growing up and now is out or has someone over most nights - he has a wide circle of acquaintances but not so many good friends.
There isn’t a correlation.

OP - I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either and I would have talked about phone rules with the other mum.

Hahahah

Reading he’s in therapy for depression and has unlimited access on his phone is not good. His parents should watch the documentary about the smart phone free school experiment.