Shy 2 year old - comments

She's not much more than a baby, honestly some people have such strange ideas about tiny kids. Nothing wrong with being shy at all, it's not some sort of curse that you have to overcome. Honestly only extroverts think it's an issue. Your personality is your personality and if you're shy then you're shy. I still am at 50 and nothing is going to change it even if I wanted to which i really don't. Let her embrace being an introvert if that is what she turns out to be and don't let others make her feel it's something wrong.

She's 2?! Totally normal
My DS is shy and only really came out of his shell last year, aged 4.
He's still reserved, but at least now he'll respond and smile when people take to him.

Some kids have no boundaries, some are confident extroverts, some dislike strangers. All normal.

If I could go back in time, I'd not have worried so much about his shyness and not have tried to force/encourage him to interact with strangers when he didn't want to.

Well eventually dc do need confidence or life gets harder than it should be but confidence grows with age and she’s fine at 2. I just think you have to develop a thick skin and ignore others. Or try and avoid such people.

Stop apologising for her and stop making excuses for who she is. If someone accosted you and your husband/friend/mother and then said you were “stroppy” how would you feel if they said you were tired or shy? Your daughter isn’t there to entertain strangers.

@Namechangedforre I think you are taking the opinions of others too seriously. Just arm yourself with a phrase and get them to leave her alone. Most dc work out who they are comfortable with and you support thst.

I cannot say I met many people on holiday who expected dc to perform. I guess it depends where you go but we just hired houses and organised our own entertainment. Holidays didn’t involve other adults until dc were ready for holiday clubs. So perhaps think how to avoid people if it spoils the holiday?

Yes, this. She's also 2 ffs.

I love this!!

This made me laugh! My youngest was very good at giving the death stare too 😂 he really only like me, my uncle and my best friend's husband for some reason!

Who on earth is making comments like this about a 2 year old? It's totally normal for little ones to take a while to warm up to strangers especially in unfamiliar environments! Please don't worry and ignore the stupid ignorant comments. You know your DD is lovely, that's all that matters 💐

Completely normal - my just turned 2 year old DD is exactly the same. It takes her a while to warm up to new people and environments. I can’t stand when strangers get right up in her face when out and then seem offended that she doesn’t give them a huge smile! The people making the comments are the weird ones.

I think the problem is with the people who made the comments, not with your daughter. Loads of kids are the same at that age, she’s a 2 year old little girl, not a performing monkey.

This sounds very normal. My daughter can be a big extrovert to the point of chatting to strangers in the street age 2. But in larger groups she gets very shy and is known as one of the shyer ones at school. Which surprises everyone I tell as she comes across as So extroverted. So for her (and me!) it's about group size, for my eldest it was about familiarity with the person like your daughter. They're all different but many many kids like your daughter. And I've always understood that kids are kids and if they don't feel able to interact at that point that's ok, why make them or their parents feel awkward about it?

Awww she’s fine! It’s completely normal. DD was a great old for giving people the death stare when they smiled at her or asked her questions around that age. When they commented I said she takes a while to size people up. I never apologised for her not performing as strangers wished she would, least of all after the first lockdown when she only really liked the postman!

Much safer to have a reticent one than my friends DD who used to try and hug half the supermarket shoppers.

I have a way off before my DD starts talking and these social situations crop up, but goodness if some infantile adult complained that she didn't like them, i'd just say, "yeah you're probably right" and leave it at that!

I was that shy 2 year old. Let her be and if people comment, just say “Oh yes, she’s shy”. She probably has better manners than those commenting on her!

She sounds absolutely lovely and she owes nobody anything. The people who are being weird about her being 'shy' can do one. They're the weird ones, pressuring a little 2 year old! I remember my mum telling other people I was shy and I felt like there was something wrong with me. To be honest I'd just stop mixing with anyone who's a dick about my 2 year old.

My DD is like this. It can be hard when you feel everyone else's kids are just getting involved and yours isn't, as you say other people can be very judgey. My DD will often refuse to sing when other kids are singing in their little nursery shows or engage in group activities when parents are in - nursery say she does it beautifully normally with the staff and kids she knows but a bunch of strangers (parents) in the room and she hates it. That's ok with me, perfectly sensible IMO and I was similar as a child. But it is hard to feel like your child is being singled out, I get it. I like a PP's response of being selective with company their DC keeps - will have to try that one!

One of my daughters was just like that, my eldest ... she was diagnosed eventually with selective mutism ... not a lot we wanted to do about that tbh, so we just supported her and her siblings, and bumbled along ... and if it helps (I hope it does) she turned out just fine in that regard, a happy and well balanced person, with a solid bunch of close friends.
(Life later presented her with other issues, but unrelated to that).
I hope everything works out well for you and your daughter 😊

I think sexism can compound this. The same way grown women in the street are told to "cheer up love" by random blokes.

My 2 year old son is very solemn and quiet in strange places and with strangers. And like you OP I feel bad for being tempted to explain he's shy or even apologise for him.

But the comments we get is: "Isn't he a serious one?" Or "oh he's in a world of his own". And I often wonder if people would accept it less if he was a girl. I think people are less accepting of girls being their own people and expect girls to smile for their benefit.

So I think it's doubly important to teach our girls that they don't owe anyone a smile and don't have to perform niceness and congeniality for society at large. They are not decorative/entertainment and are entitled to be their own people in their own world.

You are doing a great job of protecting your little one and allowing her to warm up to people at her own pace, which will protect her when she's older from the pressure to conform and behave in ways she's not comfortable with to be accepted.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. I think it's important to say to your child that it's OK to be shy. I tell my little ones this as it takes the pressure off them. I tell them that I'm shy when I meet people for the first time and that's fine.

Also be assertive with people...tell them directly "oh she's not ready to play with you now" "she's not comfortable around you yet, you should see her at home!" Etc

My daughter was like this/still is!
I think the problem is on holiday, the animation team want to be in kids faces all the time. When we took our daughter away one of the animation team came up behind her at the pool & touched her shoulder - my daughter was petrified of her for the rest of the holiday & gave her a wide berth!

I think it’s totally fine, for your daughter to act the way she is, if she doesn’t want to engage she doesn’t have to.

The comments from others are unhelpful & rude.

If they try high five or get in her face just say ‘no thank you’ & walk away? And if anyone makes comments you definitely shouldn’t feel like you need to justify anything!