Shy 2 year old - comments

It’s night two and a few people have made comments about how she is “stroppy” or “always tired” or “totally silent” or ”wow so quiet so weird’” it’s really upsetting me. I explain that she is just shy and to give her time but of course cannot say that to every person!

Who are these people? They’re being bloody rude. Ignore them - your daughter isn’t there to entertain them. She owes them nothing.

Yes exactly this! I was constantly labelled as shy when I was a kid and that has never left me even now in my mid 30's.

Someone said to me once (a child professional) don’t ever tell your kid they are shy. You then put a label on their feelings which may not be accurate and allow them to come out of it and whenever they want to break out or be more confident they remember they are shy.

So say things like ‘how are you feeling?

Perfectly normal.

My 3.5 year old was exactly the same when she was 2, in fact sometimes even with people she knew she'd sometimes go all shy and clingy. I tried never to force her or say she's shy within earshot of her (I was painfully shy when younger and hearing my mum say I was shy made it worse) but I totally understand how hard it is when you see other kids that are the total opposite. I remember getting frustrated at times because the shyness would be to her own detriment eg she'd miss out on playing with toys at playgroup because she wouldn't leave my side the whole time. It probably triggered me because I do feel like I missed out on things when younger due to my shyness and so I used to worry so much that she'd struggle to make friends etc.

However... she is now super chatty and giggly for the most part although there are still some days where she'll randomly revert back to the shy stage, I think it's when she's feeling overwhelmed or tired/hungry which we try to prevent as much as possible. I think a big turning point was when she started going to nursery 3 days a week instead of 2, she suddenly blossomed into this confident sassy girl and now the trouble is getting her to sit still and quietly! So give your DD time and don't let the comments get to you, even if she does remain shy I bet she'll be one of those clever observers who is good at sussing people out and that's a great quality to have x

I don’t understand this obsession we have as a society of forcing introverts to be extroverts. It’s like extroversion is held as the gold standard, and anyone a little more reserved and considered in their thoughts and actions is odd. We all know someone a bit quiet, who doesn’t say much, but when they do it’s something really well thought out or a really wise observation. I respect those people so much more than the absolute in your face, say exactly what they think without caring or considering others thoughts or feelings types. We all know one of those too and who do we prefer…!

As others have said you do not have to try to explain or justify who your daughter is to other people. You can encourage her absolutely, but never force her from her comfort zone. This is part of the reason so many people suffer with social anxiety, by permanently being made to feel like they are less-than for not wanting to act like a total random stranger’s best mate.

Keep being your daughter’s biggest supporter. She needs you to have her back as unfortunately people aren’t going to stop being in-your-face, rude AF a-holes anytime soon. And you need to stop letting their comments bother you. You can’t convince your daughter these people are wrong if you are internalising and giving these comments any life.

@Namechangedforre Why are you around such negative people so much? My DD2 was shy in new situations and it took ages for her to be reassured but I didn’t have constant comments. Why other people care enough to comment is odd. I’d honestly recommend doing your own thing a bit more. She’s ok where she needs to be ok. My DD never did settle at one nursery and was very upset every day, so we changed nurseries. She was not labelled though and the new nursery suited her temperament. So you find what suits dc and you. I’m wondering why you meet so many people who comment. It’s a bit odd. Do you go on group holidays or holidays requiring participation? These situations can be avoided and I’d consider where to go with self preservation in mind!

OP I'll add my voice to those who have had very shy kids. My eldest found it incredibly tough. Lovely and chatty and bubbly when he knew people well, brilliant at nursery, but getting to know them well enough was a mission.

I don't think I ever really made excuses for him - I did a lot of "he doesn't do strangers" but not in apologetic way, if you see what I mean? He was just himself, and himself didn't chat to people he didn't know.

A switch seemed to flip when he was about 8 and it all got much much easier. He's 13 now, still pretty reserved and doesn't do small talk easily. But he gives tours at his school open day, is involved in lots of theatre and music stuff, is in a band, and was one of the leads in his Y6 play a few years ago. Teachers seem to love him, he's got a great group of friends and yesterday he came out for a coffee with me and one of my friends and was happily joining in the chat.

Keep snapping back at the bastards. Your child isn't there to validate them.

She needs to be allowed to be herself - she is fine in settings she knows and with people she knows. She will gradually expand that as she develops. She is only 2.

I was shy introverted reserved child and my 1st DS is the same. I don't care what propoe say. Every human is different. So what?
Do you complain about Adults temprements and personality. No. Everyone is who they are.
I ignore comments and let my DC interact as much ir as little as they want. I don't feel anything about it but annoyed when people state the obvious.
I would rather a shy reserved child on public who behaves then having to deal with the opposite.

People are just so rude. My now 4.5 year old was like this, so unsure and cautious in new company and in surroundings/social situations he wasn't used to. The amount of comments we used to hear that were so upsetting. It never fails to amaze me the way people expect so much from children who are just trying to navigate their way through the world and understand their feelings, etc. Easier said than done, but just try to let it over your head and let your lo just be herself. It will all pass with time.

Just tell them to fuck off. They are being rude so be rude back, they started it.

>" wow so quiet so weird"

Justifies only one response:

"Wow so rude so weird"

Hahaha this makes me laugh out loud!! Brilliant response. My 2 year old daughter is very similar also. I just say oh don't worry she gives everyone the death stare until she gets to know them 🤣 just make a joke and move on. It's really none of their business and forcing her to join in or engage is just going to make it worse!