Shy 2 year old - comments

She's only 2, just a baby. Let her be her. It sounds like she's perfectly happy in environments she knows so I don't think you need to be concerned with anything.

be proud mom your child is well brought up and not an animal. she is able to conduct herself in a pleasant manner when your out and about, What kind of child abusing adult complains that a child is not wild enough? she is normal momma no worrying. i would seriously consider taking her from the adults who think things like that. imagine what there letting there kids get away with?

They sound very rude and pass remarkable.
Shut it down.
Her behaviour is very normal.

Totally normal, as others have said.

My now 18 year old wouldn’t speak to anyone, but immediate family when he was the same age. If someone came in our house that he didn’t know well, he would hide his face in my lap or hide behind me. Took him to swimming lessons and had to go in the pool with him at the age of 4. He was desperate to play football and I took him when he was just nearly 5 and he joined in, but only if he could keep hold of my coat and drag me round the pitch with him. 😂 For the first few weeks, the other parents thought I was a coach.

When I got asked if he was shy, I would just say ‘he just likes to take a bit of time to get to know people’.

He got a bit better throughout primary school. The making of him was becoming a football referee. At 16 he was refereeing adult football, having banter with the players, explaining his decisions and standing his ground in the face of challenges by players.

They all come into their own and become more confident with the things they love and are comfortable with. I am sure your 2 year old will will do the same and decide what she is comfortable with and who she wants to talk to. Ignore anyone who may think she is shy or rude - she is just being herself at the age of 2.

My DD was the same at that age but we didn't tell her she is shy, we framed it that it takes her some time to get used to new people or places. Never forced her to interact with people and let her snuggle into me if she was happier doing that. She is now a very confident 7 year old!

I was like this as a child, and two of my children as well. My daughter was terrified of people, I just let her stay with me and never tried to force her. I tried to chat and be friendly showing her it was okay (honestly hard for me because I'm still very shy myself) but tell people things like "DD is just going to watch for now, she will join in if she feels ready" and not make her feel bad about feeling shy. She is a social butterfly now and you wouldn't believe she's the same Child but definitely took her time to get there and get used to people.

My nearly 3 year old DS is the exact same, though slowly outgrowing it. I don't see it as a problem at all, his confidence is growing and he's learning to evaluate new situations by himself. I actually try to avoid telling him to say hi to people, because I want him to rely on instincts / not say hello to the creepy man in the grocery store just because he's been told too.

When people make a rude comment or say "oh he's so shy!" I usually politely reply "he just takes his time to evaluate people" or "he takes a minute to take in his new settings". Some people find that rude, but my priority is my DS feelings, not theirs.

At two I wouldn’t worry too much. Strangers I assume calling her ‘weird’ is just unnecessary. My 3 year old DC is developmentally atypical, so probably autistic and we know that at this point, but upon first meeting him most people don’t realise he’s a bit different until they start trying to interact with him. I just try to smile and let it go, but I get the usual questioning looks of ‘why isn’t he saying anything, or doing what children that age typically do’. It’s the worst part of parenting a child who’s not the typical stuff, but honestly just try to let it all go. My niece was very much like that at that age, but now different.

Yes, I agree. OP, it can be very worrying to be the parent of a child who will speak to anyone. Perhaps there’s a happy medium !! - but both of mine were at the other extreme which brings its own problems!

In your case I’d practise a few responses as suggested by pp and roll them out. And remember that commenting on a child in this way is as bad as commenting on a child’s appearance, and you do not need to be nice to such rude people.

When my DD was 2 if we went somewhere new she would hide with her eyes clamped shut and refuse to get off my knee. No one else's child did this and I used to find it so stressful.
She is now 7 and is perfectly polite, friendly, sociable and is still a little shy but will push herself and chat to people. Don't worry op, your little one is perfectly normal.

My eldest like that - in fact santa visits were not fun! But my youngest is the opposite and people comment how lovely he is. They are BOTH lovely but it's easier for strangers to interact with the chatty one

It's not weird, it's normal. My 2.5yo can be very chatty or very shy with strangers depending on how she feels.

Are they friends or random people? I can see why close family might be concerned, but other people? Don't see that at all. Of course some dc are reticent. I’ve seen some dc defer to their parents for “permission” to do things when they are much older than 2 or 3. They do gain independence though with encouragement.

Of course you cannot make a reticent child an extrovert any more than an extrovert is taught to hide their personality. Both need parenting though to bring out the best in them. That might actually be being quiet and listening!

I used to get this as a child then my 3 dc did too. Tell your friends to get a grip. These kids turn into lovely adults!

It's totally normal for a 2yo to be shy in unfamiliar situations, around unfamiliar people! That's how the human race has survived that long! Very small children needed to be fearful of the unknown and stay close to their main caregivers so they weren't eaten by wolves!!

@Namechangedforre

I had exactly the same situation with my DC, I used to smile and tell people my child has been brought up not to speak to strangers. People weren't so free with their opinions then. Fast forward and DC is now an adult who is not at all shy. I never forced my child to speak to people, but let them go at their own pace.

My 2 year old is also a bit more reserved than other toddlers who run up to us at soft play. It's his personality 🙂 My DH is also a bit reserved 🙂

Aw thank you although admittedly I have been quite a shouty mum in the last few weeks (threenager problems)! Every age comes with a fresh challenge and then you forget how tough the previous challenge was 😂

@Namechangedforre I do get that others do but I think it depends on who is around you. Surrounded by negative people is not great.

I was labelled quiet and shy as a child. I know I drove my mother mad for not appearing to have confidence or be outgoing. I also grew up thinking that it was wrong that some people thought every child or person shoukd be exactly the same with no cognizance that some young children/people like to acclimatise and gain confidence in new situations.

DD was exactly the same and is probably more fundamentally quiet and reflective than me. I gave her space to develop in her own time.

DD is now 26 and manages Year 10 and 11s, magnificently I gather.

@Namechangedforre there is absolutely nothing wrong with your dd. There is much wring with some of the adults interacting with her.

I was always called shy, by my mum. I grew up believing I was shy and to 'be' shy, as that's obviously who I thought I was. I wasn't. I'm a massive ambivert. I LOVE being around people I vibe with and weirdly, with strangers. I had low self confidence and when I took my son out as a baby, a woman came over to see him. As soon as she put her face over the pram, he looked away. I naturally said 'oh, he's shy!' and she said 'no he's not, he just doesn't want to talk to me.'

That moment changed my life. She empowered me so much and she never knew it. I loved her for it. I never said those words again, instead using 'he maybe just doesn't like you, 'haha' and other things to put it on to the other person. He was confident and never 'shy' as a toddler/growing up.

Find your empowerment (although it sounds like pp have gave you massive encouragement in this already.) She's not shy, she just isn't interested in some people, like most adults. She's fine, she's finding her own way. She's confident to know herself even while finding her space in the world. There's nothing wrong with that. All the more power to you OP, don't let the bastards grind you down 🙌