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AIBU?

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To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

413 replies

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

OP posts:
Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:54

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:46

Nice to know someone else gets it, but also not nice if you know what I mean.
Everyone else thinks I’m mad 😂

I would have asked my family this if Îd needed to. They aren’t just random friends ( that would be unreasonable 😆) I get not wanting to expose your child to people who get nasty with drink when you’ve witnessed it yourself. At the same time they’re your family and I’m sure you all want to see each other. So better to ask ( but have a plan if people don’t stick to their promise)

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:54

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:50

My message to them was a polite ask, the headline is a bit misleading in that respect. However obviously if they said no and didn’t agree, I think my family would feel that I wouldn’t come and they’d be correct so in a way I can understand why it did feel like I was ‘telling them’ even tho I wasn’t if that makes sense.

It's manipulative and entitled, OP. I'm not bashing you - I know you feel it's for the right reasons, but as a parent, you will have to deal with far worse. Just make the most of being a family at Christmas and let your family do it their way or leave them to it and you do you. You can always host something in the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve and do it alcohol free.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 21/12/2024 22:52

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:46

Nice to know someone else gets it, but also not nice if you know what I mean.
Everyone else thinks I’m mad 😂

Everyone gets why you want to do it, they just don’t think you have any right to dictate what someone does in their own home, just as they can’t dictate what you do in your home.

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:52

ChristmasEveNotChristmasSteve · 21/12/2024 22:20

She said excluding Christmas Day.

Are people really that defensive about daytime drinking? It's quite bizarre.

IKR. So many crazy responses.

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:50

poemsandwine · 21/12/2024 22:46

Well, her headline is "to tell"...

My message to them was a polite ask, the headline is a bit misleading in that respect. However obviously if they said no and didn’t agree, I think my family would feel that I wouldn’t come and they’d be correct so in a way I can understand why it did feel like I was ‘telling them’ even tho I wasn’t if that makes sense.

OP posts:
XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:50

poemsandwine · 21/12/2024 22:46

Well, her headline is "to tell"...

Did you read the post or just the headline? She clearly was talking about a request.

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:48

But OP doesn't have to go NC. She can just do her Christmas her way and leave others to do the same.

Headinthesand21 · 21/12/2024 22:48

Completely understand your concerns, but you are being unreasonable asking people not to drink for the sake of one toddler being there.
If you are concerned, ultimately don’t go.

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:48

CousinBob · 21/12/2024 22:35

I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable to ask that people don’t drink before 7pm. She has allowed for Christmas Day being excluded.
Anyone who has a problem with that has a problem with alcohol to be honest.

Yep, if you're already shit-faced before seven pm, you have a drinking problem. OP is concerned about drunken aggression, which would only be an issue if they were already quite drunk.

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:47

Kisskiss · 21/12/2024 21:57

My in laws drink a lot and fight each other when drunk ( has happened every Christmas for the past few christmassds) and even then I don’t feel it’s reasonable to tell them what they can do in their own house.. when they are at mine I ask my dh to try and reduce the booze offering past a certain point to try and avoid a problem but that’s the reasonable extent of it I think.
it seems booze and Christmas are v interlinked in this country and it’s just the way people do things

This isn’t her inlaws though. It’s her parents and siblings. If you can’t speak your mind to your own family it’s a sorry state of affairs. Better she asks for a favour than stop seeing them.

ExtraOnions · 21/12/2024 22:47

If people start to get rude, you take your child up to your room, and settle down to sleep / chill ..

You are being very unreasonable

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:46

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:42

Been there OP. I get it . Thankfully never in the day and my children were never witness to it.

Nice to know someone else gets it, but also not nice if you know what I mean.
Everyone else thinks I’m mad 😂

OP posts:
Isatis · 21/12/2024 22:46

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:40

And of course I am not expecting anyone to baby sit but it’s a big house and if for example I need to use the toliet, I want to be able to do so without worrying that I will walk back in the room to an argument/ or people being rude to one another.

How long might you be out of the room? It won't be the end of the world if your son hears an argument for a couple of minutes. Would he even recognise it if they were rude?

poemsandwine · 21/12/2024 22:46

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:44

"Will you" followed by a request is the definition of asking a favour.
Controlling is telling somebody to do something, not asking.

Well, her headline is "to tell"...

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:44

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:14

Its not a favour it's controlling

"Will you" followed by a request is the definition of asking a favour.
Controlling is telling somebody to do something, not asking.

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:42

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:17

Arguing with anyone and everyone; it’s obviously worse when the 2 problematic people are arguing with each other.

Being very negative, name calling, over dramatic. And also just generally strange behaviour like walking in to a room full of people talking and turning the light off and walking off again.

I wouldn’t say I’m hard work I’m quite an easy going person, I’m not asking them not to drink around me because I’m used to it but I don’t want my son exposed to it.

Edited

Been there OP. I get it . Thankfully never in the day and my children were never witness to it.

TeaAndTattoos · 21/12/2024 22:42

You can’t be serious OP I don’t drink either but I would never tell people that they can’t drink in their own house because I don’t drink.

lolacherricoke · 21/12/2024 22:41

Is this a joke? I would in-invite you in a heartbeat if you requested this from me!!

Wheresthebeach · 21/12/2024 22:41

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:35

OP actually asked for people not to drink before her child’s bedtime and didn’t include Xmas day in that.

Ah I stand corrected on Xmas. Still don’t think it’s reasonable.

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:41

Because of that - it's her parents' home and not hers. And she is not just asking her parents to abstain - other people also have to fall in line. I have every sympathy with OP's concerns, but you can't be asking people to avoid alcohol because of one toddler. She doesn't have to be there if she doesn't like the drinking, or she could do the hosting. Christmas shouldn't revolve around one small person.

Edit: in response to Parisienne123

Londonrach1 · 21/12/2024 22:39

You joking aren't you. .you can't tell people what they should do in their own house. Yabu and vvvvv rude

calmandcollected101 · 21/12/2024 22:38

That's so unreasonable !

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:38

Edingril · 21/12/2024 22:35

Attention seeking at best

This. she can't drink because she has a small child so nobody can

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:37

CousinBob · 21/12/2024 22:35

I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable to ask that people don’t drink before 7pm. She has allowed for Christmas Day being excluded.
Anyone who has a problem with that has a problem with alcohol to be honest.

She has "allowed" it that's awfully good of her 🙄

Edingril · 21/12/2024 22:35

Attention seeking at best