To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

It's her FAMILY. She can ask them anything. And it's good that she feels she can. They can say no. But as it turns out, most have said yes. Because, Ya know, families do sometimes care about each other and do things for each other. How depressing is it to not be able to ask your own parents and siblings a favour? How depressing is it that people prioritise drinking over seeing a loved one? There are some incredibly rude responses on this thread which does suggest an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. SORRY

Edit

Did you phrase it as a question? If not I wouldn't reply to you. So it may be that they're fine with it and just haven't replied.

Personally I just wouldn't visit.

I think you're asking for trouble.

A) I wouldn't want my kid around people who become aggressive when drunk. So don't think you're unreasonable to protect him against that.

BUT

B) you can't dictate what people do in their own home.

AND

C) so they agree to it now but 4pm Christmas eve and they decide to crack open the Bailey's. What are you realistically going to do? Either you'll sit there on edge or you'll start an argument (even if not intentionally).

I see there is a bit of a turn here - if you agree that OP can choose what people drink, anyone disagreeing is alcoholic or sanctioning alcoholic behaviour. The majority are seeing the real issue - if you are a guest in a house (even your parents' house) you just quietly accept the social mores. I will not drink any more alcohol at Christmas than any other time of the year. I won't drink during the day, and I won't have more than a couple of glasses of wine. Do I get to impose my regimen on everyone else? No. Does having a child give you a pass? No

I'm in the minority but I understand perfectly where you are coming from.

I love a drink as do most of my friends and family, but we are all generally cheerful and very moderate drinkers. Unfortunately one family member is a terrible drinker and becomes maudlin, argumentative and and confrontational. As adult it is tedious and rather depressing to be around, but for children it is really unsettling and potentially quite frightening.

Why should the crappy behaviour of one family member mean that another family feels they have no choice but to exclude themselves? I think the fact that it is their house is a red herring. Everyone should be prioritising each other irrespective of whose house it is, and if you're a problem drinker then you should take it on the chin when someone calls you out on it. Which thankfully is what seems to have happened in the OP's case.

It’s like OP asking them all to avoid eating any sugar as part of the meal because it’s unhealthy and she feels they are setting a bad example around obesity and would be too fat to run after her son if he bolted which was a safety issue. Or asking them not to eat meat because it’s harmful to animals and she is bringing her son up as a vegetarian

Too much sugar is bad for you but not necessarily just because of obesity anyway that aside - I have such a sweet tooth AND I love fish!

So if someone asked me this I won’t lie I’d probably say no 😆 or I’d eat chocolate in secret lol but that’s the thing - OPs family could say no too. If they’ve chosen to go along it there is literally no issue.

Whilst I can understand your concerns regarding aggressive behaviour if it’s that bad why would you want to put yourself and your child in that position.

@Toddlertantrums222 You say it is a large house. Could you and your toddler just leave the room and go elsewhere or for a walk?
What does your younger sibling do when things get fraught?

Exactly lol what a bonkers thread and this in particular is an OTT unnecessarily aggressive response.

It makes me think the heavy Christmas drinking is clearly well underway for some posters on this thread and they are not the “happy” sort of drunks.

I tried to DM you but mine doesn't work , Could you please DM me. Thanks. Onl y if you have the time.

I don’t think it’s about being an alcoholic, I think it’s more about being controlling about something many people enjoy as part of Christmas dinner and also about dictating to others.

It’s like OP asking them all to avoid eating any sugar as part of the meal because it’s unhealthy and she feels they are setting a bad example around obesity and would be too fat to run after her son if he bolted which was a safety issue. Or asking them not to eat meat because it’s harmful to animals and she is bringing her son up as a vegetarian. You would think wtf not accuse people of being sugar or meat addicts if they objected.

It doesn’t matter if even a 100% voted Op is BU.Her family’s opinion is the one that matters and they’ve agreed to go along with it. Problem solved!

Of course they may not stick to it but Op can only take their response at face value and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work out she can always just not go next time.

I just don’t understand the anger about this considering it’s not anyone on here being asked not to drink 😆 It’s her family who have been asked and they’ve said yea so what’s the issue?

Op enjoy your week with family and update us on how it goes!

Of course you're being unreasonable.

YOU need to stay sober to look after your child, but nobody else does.

I've voted YABU as you can't get to dictate that they're not allowed to drink in their own home over Christmas.
I'm a mum, I totally get being anxious, but if you're with them, surely you'll be keeping an eye on them so there hopefully won't be any drama or accidents this time?

Yes, you could agree ... but who are either of you to change the rules for everyone else?

Less than a week before Christmas too.

96% on unreasonable - suck it up OP and stay home or retract. Think about this long term - your family are not going to suddenly change I grew up with adults who were, at the very least, alcohol dependent. As an adult, I've navigated social situations knowing that what people say is not the same as what will happen.

But this is not your house - if you want things done your way, you do the shopping, catering and negotiations with everyone. If you're not doing that - go with the flow or stay away.

I wouldn’t if it was my daughter asking. Îd want to understand why and given OP’s reasons I’d agree with her request.

Ouch. OP is clearly upsetting alcoholic Mumsnet today. For some Xmas is about family, and other Xmas is about drinking. And never the twain shall meet.

Doesn’t anyone you know drink in moderation? Are the only two options “funny drunk” or “belligerent drunk”?

It sounds like you hang around with a lot of problem drinkers. Given that, I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to say you don’t want to bring your DC round if they are all going to be pissed and starting fights with thin air by 3pm. But you’d be better just not going than trying to tell an aggressive alcoholic not to drink.

I would add that staying with anyone for 7 days is too long.

I’m in the minority here @Toddlertantrums222 but I think YANBU. You just asked the question - they had every right to say no, but they didn’t!

They’ve went along with it for some reason, maybe they’re self aware and know they’re not their best selves when drinking for the whole day and night so are low key relieved. Or maybe they just don’t want to risk you not coming.

But for whatever reason, they’ve agreed not to drink before 7pm -which isn’t some massive hardship if you’re not an alcoholic - so I don’t see why people are getting upset??

If they said no and you were trying to force it that would have BU.

They are not just people they are her family.

Exactly !!! Praise the Lord at last someone else who thinks like me 😆