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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

413 replies

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 22/12/2024 09:56

Nobodyknowsitall5 · 22/12/2024 08:58

Hahahaha!! Amazing post. Seriously op? This has to be a wind up post.

Have you read the OP's subsequent posts? A couple of the drinkers appear to be problem drinkers.

NerrSnerr · 22/12/2024 09:51

My family used to be problematic like this (most of the problematic ones are now dead because of alcohol). Before I had kids I just put up with it for a couple of days but after I had children I refused to let them see people in that state so we just didn't see them often and when we did we stayed in hotels so we could go back to the room as soon as they were drinking.

Nobodyknowsitall5 · 22/12/2024 08:58

Hahahaha!! Amazing post. Seriously op? This has to be a wind up post.

TubeScreamer · 22/12/2024 08:55

Reverse or completely fabricated

tuvamoodyson · 22/12/2024 07:35

YABVU and I’m practically teetotal!

Bagwyllydiart · 22/12/2024 07:29

This must be a reverse, no real person would be asking this.

PreferMyAnimals · 22/12/2024 07:20

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:22

You sound way, way, way batshit crazy over-the-top and have Precious First Born syndrome. Please get a grip before you lose family and friends.

I didn't want people getting drunk and obnoxious in front of my fifth one either.

MsJilly · 22/12/2024 06:07

If there are 2 problematic drinkers, I wouldn't believe them if they promised not to drink, first of all.
Also, I don't know if I'll fancy a wine on Boxing Day, so I wouldn't agree in advance either way.
If you have a problem with the 2 problematic drinkers, don't stay for a week with them, I wouldn't believe.

SnappyCroc · 22/12/2024 05:49

thesunisastar · 21/12/2024 23:48

I'm in the minority but I understand perfectly where you are coming from.

I love a drink as do most of my friends and family, but we are all generally cheerful and very moderate drinkers. Unfortunately one family member is a terrible drinker and becomes maudlin, argumentative and and confrontational. As adult it is tedious and rather depressing to be around, but for children it is really unsettling and potentially quite frightening.

Why should the crappy behaviour of one family member mean that another family feels they have no choice but to exclude themselves? I think the fact that it is their house is a red herring. Everyone should be prioritising each other irrespective of whose house it is, and if you're a problem drinker then you should take it on the chin when someone calls you out on it. Which thankfully is what seems to have happened in the OP's case.

I agree with you but the problem is that obnoxious drunks usually don't take responsibility and admit they have an issue. So they're more likely to be outraged by the request than agree, because they don't acknowledge or they minimise their behaviour.

ElizabethanAgain · 22/12/2024 05:24

I would seriously disbelieve the family members who replied to OP's request, especially the one who replied "absolutely".

Surely they were having a laugh at her expense.

Buttercup198 · 22/12/2024 05:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:28

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 21:01

I did say in my post excluding Christmas Day. Im talking about the other 6 days.

Show quote history

You need to stay for a whole entire week, and you're only 4 hours away? I know people in the UK can't drive 30 minutes to visit someone without needing to stay overnight, but is there any reason you need to stay an entire week? 2 or 3 days is surely enough?

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:25

You are trying to micromanage everyone to wrap your son up in cotton wool when he wouldn't even notice or understand arguments. He wouldn't even notice. What you're trying to do is very unhealthy.

IdylicDay · 22/12/2024 02:22

You sound way, way, way batshit crazy over-the-top and have Precious First Born syndrome. Please get a grip before you lose family and friends.

Yesiknowdear · 22/12/2024 00:56

The safeguarding concern doesn't sound like it arises from being around someone who's had a drink, but by being supervised by someone who has been drinking.

I have a long line of alcoholics and addicts in my family- I choose to keep my kids away from them.
I do however think you're unreasonable. If they were visiting you, you could put those rules in place, but you going and visiting on them Conditions just doesn't sit right with me.

SwordToFlamethrower · 22/12/2024 00:54

Unreasonable...

eightIsNewNine · 22/12/2024 00:42

The YABU number is irrelevant.
Half of the posters didn't get over the headline.
Half of those who did inserted themselves and their drinking habits in the situation and feel offended someone would ask them when they have "no problem".

You are trying to find a way to make the stay with your family work and you actually have a good chance to get the critical mass on your side. Of course things can blow up anyway, and you know it, but it is absolutely worth trying.

veganmayo · 22/12/2024 00:36

Reading through your responses you sound incredibly self-centred.

You’re only interested in you and your son having a good time and things going the way you want them to regardless of the fact that you’re actually being hosted in someone else’s home with what sounds like about 8 other people… and that goes so far as ‘well I want to go so it’s okay for me to ask everyone else to change their behaviour.’

Butchyrestingface · 22/12/2024 00:25

For me, it boils down to this. Either your family are:

  • Not overly problematic drinkers. In which case, you have no business asking them not to drink at a festive occasion in their home.
  • Problematic drinkers. In this case, how could you possibly trust any undertaking they make not to drink at Christmas, of all times? If they're so bad, you should not go. Why take the risk?
ClairDeLaLune · 22/12/2024 00:21

😂😂😂 thanks for the laugh OP. Oh and YABU by the way.

Dita73 · 22/12/2024 00:21

Sorry but you sound bonkers. If they’re that bad you shouldn’t go. You certainly can’t go around telling other people what to do. Even alcoholics

XChrome · 22/12/2024 00:15

SameAsItEverWas24 · 21/12/2024 23:29

Ouch. OP is clearly upsetting alcoholic Mumsnet today. For some Xmas is about family, and other Xmas is about drinking. And never the twain shall meet.

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Yes, how lovely to see so many people full of the Christmas spirits.
Imagine how much the holidays with self-righteous alcoholics would suck.

TheBluntTurtle · 22/12/2024 00:08

I completely understand where you are coming from OP - my family drink heavily and it used to really scare me and my cousins as children - none of us cousins drink as adults now. Unfortunately you are a guest in their house and they can do whatever they want. The only thing you can control is your own behaviours/ reactions so if you don’t to be around for the week long booze fest then I’d suggest you stay for a shorter amount of time. You and your son can still have a lovely time in the days before/ after Xmas just the two of you - and you will be less stressed too!

2021x · 21/12/2024 23:58

You can ask.

They can say no.

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 23:57

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 23:34

Yes, you could agree ... but who are either of you to change the rules for everyone else?

Less than a week before Christmas too.

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I suppose …but if it’s one person causîng the trouble and it’s my house maybe it wouldn’t be unreasonable of me to lay down the law?