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Original poster

To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

413 replies

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

OP posts:
Toptops · 22/12/2024 18:48

You are being vvv unreasonable

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 22/12/2024 18:47

So what happens if they drink on Christmas Day (as they're 'allowed ') but have too much & there's an argument.

I think you are being unreasonable. I would react to the bad behaviour and remove your child and yourself from the situation.

It may have been reasonable to say something like: "I know it's Christmas & everyone enjoys a drink but it would be lovely if people didn't overdo it and cause unnecessary drama."

H0210zero · 22/12/2024 18:42

As a tee total for the exact same reason I do understand where you are coming from regarding your son. But it's your responsibility and yours only to keep him safe if things are getting out of hand take him out of the situation. You cannot expect anyone to not drink in their own home.

Yummybumble · 22/12/2024 18:42

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 21:13

Just checked and another has responded.

One said: okay (my name) x
The other said: of course (my name) ❤️
And one said: Absolutely x

One of the family members I was most worried about gave the absolutely response so was a bit surprised but also relieved. Hopefully the other 2 respond soon. One of the ones who hasn’t responded is also a bit problematic when drinking, so I will feel much better once they’ve agreed. And the other one is awful at replies but I’m not worried about him anyways.

At least this way if everyone has agreed then if something happens and people fall back on the agreement, they can’t complain that I’ve left. It is a long drive but I would pack up ASAP if the vibes were bad for my son.

Show quote history

What exactly are you going to do if they decide at 4pm the bar should be open?! Go and remind them that they made an agreement? Am really sorry OP but this is madness. If they are so awful that you are worried that Auntie Sue and Uncle Chris will start smashing plates against a wall then you shouldn’t be going/stay in a bed and breakfast/hotel so you can remove yourself from the situation.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 22/12/2024 18:41

if you feel that strongly then don’t go. You can’t really be telling people they can’t enjoy a drink or two in the own home over Christmas of an afternoon. If they wish you to. No one should be getting so drunk they become argumentative around a toddler anyway, that’s just sensible, but a couple? No, you can’t be dictating to people who have invited you to their home like that.

mid your family can’t be trusted not to get so drunk it’s an issue then don’t go.

NewGreenDuck · 22/12/2024 18:35

So, no one can have a drink with their Christmas lunch? I mean, come on!
If it worries you that much stay at home.
You can't tell other people what to do in their own home.

ChrisUSA · 22/12/2024 18:27

As someone who grew up with a lot of drinking around the winter holiday which often escalated into arguments and aggression, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and I’m sad to see I’m in the minority. I enjoy a drink as much as the next person, but people should drink responsibly around children. The obvious compromise is to have just one or two until children are in bed. If they can’t do that then they should refrain and wait until children aren’t around.

fetchacloth · 22/12/2024 18:25

You cannot dictate what people are allowed to consume in their own home.
YABU totally.

BooBooDoodle · 22/12/2024 18:23

Rainingandlookslikeitwillneverstop · 21/12/2024 20:27

You can’t dictate what others do in their own house.

you stay sober - you watch your son .

let them enjoy Christmas how they chose.

if being around alcohol is such a problem - don’t go.

Edited

This!! How entitled!!

JennyBG · 22/12/2024 18:20

Newdaynewstarts · 21/12/2024 20:29

You have made yourself look like a pratt, you cannot dictate what people do. And it’s not safeguarding concern, you ought to educate yourself on that one, and on common sense at the same time.

I totally agree. If she’s that concerned (and in for a miserable Christmas by the sounds of it), then she shouldn’t even consider going. It’s her toddler, ergo she looks after it. What’s not to understand? 🤷🏼‍♀️

katter · 22/12/2024 18:16

Sometimesright · 22/12/2024 17:59

But they won’t be watching your child you will.
if people start getting drunk then take them home if you are concerned. You have a choice to go or stay.

Show quote history

I wouldn't be going somewhere where people will be arguing agressively.
OP has the choice not to go and her relatives have to chose if alcohol is more important then her attending.

mamaE123456 · 22/12/2024 18:16

HunterHearstHelmsley · 21/12/2024 20:27

No. You can't ask that.

If they were in sole charge of your child then fair enough. They're not, you'll be there.

This

LouDeLou · 22/12/2024 18:15

Hahahhaha stay at home, good Lord!

(we're on the bucks fizz at 11am)

Mummadeze · 22/12/2024 18:13

I actually think good for you. I wouldn’t want drunk aggressive people around my child either. Maybe it will make them think twice about their behaviour at the very least anyway.

Suchasonganddance · 22/12/2024 18:12

With or without alcohol involved, a group of disparate people cohabiting in one house - even a big one - for seven days is inevitably going to lead to quarrels / arguments.

The effort of being civil to each other for that length of time will become intolerable, particularly with your request in place.

Why don’t you go for 24/25/26 and then everyone, yourself included, can make an effort then relax?

brokenbics · 22/12/2024 18:05

You are unreasonable.

And there will be no safeguarding issue because you are will be there to watch him and you won't be drinking.

Sometimesright · 22/12/2024 17:59

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

But they won’t be watching your child you will.
if people start getting drunk then take them home if you are concerned. You have a choice to go or stay.

CestLaVie123 · 22/12/2024 17:58

Good lord

OldScribbler · 22/12/2024 17:47

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

It's their home, not yours. You are the guest. Did they give you a hard time when you had your baby?

katter · 22/12/2024 17:47

I understand where you are coming from but the problem drinkers won't stay sober anyway.
I wouldn't go but clearly communicate why.
Maybe your parents will pick your side and disinvite the problem drinker. Also judging by som answers to your request there might be family members who agree with you.

LookingforMaryPoppins · 22/12/2024 17:47

I think perhaps you should stay at home.

Entitled doesn't begin to describe it!

godmum56 · 22/12/2024 17:39

UndeniablyGenX · 21/12/2024 20:28

From what you say, it sounds like they have a history of drunken aggression, so actually I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Yeah but in THEIR house? Go or don't go but you can't ductate to people in their own homes

TankFlyBossW4lk · 22/12/2024 15:33

Still, he's yours and you sound unreasonable. Hth

Original poster
Toddlertantrums222 · 22/12/2024 15:04

TankFlyBossW4lk · 22/12/2024 14:24

Op, I really don't like people getting drunk either, especially early on but honestly, you're being so precious. I get that you really like everyone and they are more fun without alcohol but you're storing problems up for yourself in the future. You're coming across as unreasonable, not here on MN, but to those you actually care about. It may effect your interactions in the future. Eg whether you are invited etc

Also, who's hosting? Have you actually asked them first? I'd be annoyed with you stipulating your rules without having asked me first if I was hosting.

The other thing, he's 6 years old, not 6 months. If you need to use the loo, tell him to wait for you outside if you're so very anxious.

Where have you got 6 years from? He’s 2.

And it’s my parents hosting.

OP posts:
Elseaknows · 22/12/2024 14:25

While I don't think YABU to ask, you can't dictate the rules in someone else's home.
If you know there is a genuine issue with alcohol with certain family members, I'd not bother risking it. I'd stay home. As a parent it's on you to safe guard your own child. Unfortunately not everyone will put them first, even their family. (Not even for the sake of alcohol).
It's very sad but that's British culture for you.