To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

Agreed.

I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason.

So if it weren't for people getting aggressive while drunk you would take your toddler to the pub every day?

I think your request was very entitled.I think that despite their polite responses, there will have been a lot of comments and bad feeling behind your back about this request, and probably to your face when the time actually comes.You have basically said your wishes trump everyone else's.

I think I understand and I completely feel your anxiety coming off your posts 🩷 could you stay for one night, with the provision to stay longer as long as you're comfortable? I think you need to let them know if you're going or not, but have a get out plan xx

If she was my daughter / sister Îd rather she asked than not come. I could always refuse but I wouldn’t because her reasons for it are understandable.

Having been exposed to drunk (alcoholic) family members as a child I think why not ask if people can take it easy until your son goes to bed. They can ‘choose’ whether to comply or not but the issue is now in the open. I remember my siblings and I trying to get away from ‘emotional drunk’ family members and lots of excuses being made and an edgy atmosphere. I also have had to deal with/navigate drunken behaviour now that I’m a mum. It’s hard @Toddlertantrums222 , hope Christmas goes as well as possible.

Disagreeing is one thing and I have no problem with it. It's the ridiculous amount of outrage and nastiness that suggests defensiveness.
It's basic to human psychology that to go so nutso over something so minor means OP has struck a nerve.

OP - you haven't mentioned any alcohoism in your family or abuse, excluding the one incident that someone dropped your baby and you think it was because of the 2 drinks they had ( highly unlikely 2 drinks doesn't touch the sides for an alcoholic). The only other thing you've mentioned is aggressive talk. Don't come to my house, we all start ranting about politics and Israel and trans issues etc. We love each other dearly but disagree on certain issues. That is not a bad family, to me, that's a normal family.
If you want someone sober to look after your toddler that's on you , or their Dad. Nobody else's problem.I'm the kind of mum that will get up early to grab baby and soothe for a while if their mum and dad are sleeping at our house normally. But Xmas I start on the bucks fizz and my poor DH rolls me into bed about 9pm Mind I'm always the first one up as DH and the adult children stay up till about 2am. So I end up cooking breakfast as welll. Silly marmia , but I wouldn't have it any other way. By about 11am we are all in the pool, then a bbq , then pingpong ( have to get out of the house and into the air/con.) Yes our pingpong table is in our second lounge room. It's too damn hot to play outside in summer and then we are too damn lazy to take it out in Winter, just chill. If you feel uncomfortable with someone holding the baby then just say no.

Why assume that? How about just not agreeing with telling others what they can’t do in their own home?

Occam’s razor.

The majority of the adult family members do agree with the OPs point of view.
Seems being horrible demanding(or just asking) is part of the family makeup.

Oh FFS.
The OP not wanting her child around aggressiv drunks isn't a mental health matter.

I struggled MASSIVELY with post natal anxiety and still battle such high levels of anxiety surrounding my DC to this very day, that would cause an absolute riot of a pile on, on Mumsnet. So I know it when I hear it. This is classic parental anxiety so I’m not being passive aggressive or offensive when I say that you need to speak to someone like your GP about this as I know only too well myself, it will only get worse.

This post can't be real surely? OP you sound like a right bag of laughs to be around. Of course people can drink if they want to and you can't tell them otherwise

I must say that I'm baffled by how extreme many of these responses are. I can only assume anyone who responds with howling outrage and proceeds to insult this OP is defensive because s/he has a drinking problem.

Why are you assuming all the drunks live in the same house? It could be the actual owners of the house are not the problem drinkers. I don't recall OP saying whether or not they are. Mind you I haven't read every single post.

If there was anything that would encourage me to day drink it would be your message. I'd also ask you to refrain from being a control freak while in my company.

Thanks

Agree!!

Read the post, some agreed, some didn't reply.
What world do you live in that you think having a child means you can dictate to people (even if you are related to them) what they do in their own home? You may think of drinking as destructive behaviour, but most people wouldn't agree.

Just don't go. Their house so they can party as hard as they want. Think you've got a bit of a nerve tbh.

So you've just told me that you're demanding and when your demands aren't met you'll turn it into other people being the problem. I often wonder why people are the way they are nowadays. You've helped clear up some of the steps anyway. Family or otherwise, she's in the wrong and so are you.

She can and she did. And they agreed. What kind of world do you live in where a daughter or sister can't say "please don't do that destructive thing you're.doing"?

No you can't do that. You stay sober, other people can do what they want, you can choose not to go

Really you can't spend Christmas with them if you feel like this- you absolutely cannot tell anyone they can't drink in their own home, no matter what you feel, it is completely unreasonable.
You have to spend Christmas alone if you feel you need to police people's behaviour in their own home, I'm not surprised you have had no response from some people- I would be absolutely disgusted by your presumption.

So you are suggesting 95% of posters are alcoholics ?

You are being ridiculous.
Most people can have a drink without becoming aggressive. It is the aggression that is the issue, not the alcohol.

But the simple line here is you can't go to stay at someone else's house and dictate that they can't have a drink.

It's not that I can't go without a drink. Mostly we take turns to drive when we go places so I regularly manage at parties / weddings / indeed Christmas Days without having any alcohol. I'm not dependent on it, but I happen to enjoy the taste of mulled wine, or some wine with a meal, or a baileys after the meal. There is no reason why I need to not have something I enjoy like that at a social gathering, because one other guest is laying down demands.