Page 15 | To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

Toddlertantrums222 · 2024-12-21T20:23:14+00:00

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week. I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel. 2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Allthehorsesintheworld · 21/12/2024 20:52

Solely depends on their consumption and behaviour. Couple of glasses of wine with lunch and then move onto coffee seems fine. Constant drinking, argumentative, belligerent not ok. Sounds like your relatives have form for the latter. Yoyr house your rules. If they don’t like it they can stay home.

IkeaJesusChrist · 21/12/2024 20:52

If they're that bad after a few drinks, don't go.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 21/12/2024 20:52

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:49

Yeah, maybe you are right. I know it’s a bit OTT to ask someone that, I knew that when I sent the message.
I guess I was just coming from a place of really wanting to have a lovely Christmas with my son and family, and I know if people stuck to this rule we would have a great time. It’s not even every family member, mainly just one who gets like this; but I sent the message to everyone so that they didn’t feel singled out.

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No, you would have a lovely Christmas, not everyone.

Just msg them and apologise and say you misspoke or it’s going to be awkward. It might be awkward anyway now tbh.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 21/12/2024 20:52

My reply would have been "if you have an issue with us drinking in our own home then maybe its better you don't come. Sorry."

ShortyShorts · 21/12/2024 20:50

Balancedcitizen101 · 21/12/2024 20:46

I'm the 3% that think you are not being unreasonable. Ok I'm teetotal so maybe not impartial but lots of people are the opposite so not really impartial themselves either. Yes it's their house. Yes they invited her. But why does everyone need to be wasted before 6pm everyday? What's wrong with 1/2 bucks fizzes and that's it until 6? She said Xmas day they can do what they want. Do what's right for you and your son, not borderline binge drinkers.

No-one needs to be wasted do they? I agree with that.

But that doesn't mean the OP isn't being unreasonable to accept an invitation to a home where people do get wasted, and then start dictating.

No matter what your views on alcohol are, surely you can see that's unreasonable?

scotstars · 21/12/2024 20:50

I don't drink and think you are incredibly unreasonable. If you don't want your child around that atmosphere don't take them. I'm surprised you haven't been uninvited

sexnotgenders · 21/12/2024 20:50

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:40

And of course I am not expecting anyone to baby sit but it’s a big house and if for example I need to use the toliet, I want to be able to do so without worrying that I will walk back in the room to an argument/ or people being rude to one another.

The real issue here is that you are apparently going somewhere where in the time it takes to have a wee, a fight could have broken out? If you really do think that is a plausible scenario then I would be looking to spend Christmas elsewhere. I've had some heated family arguments over a game of Christmas charades, but nothing my toddler couldn't happily sit through

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:49

Balancedcitizen101 · 21/12/2024 20:46

I'm the 3% that think you are not being unreasonable. Ok I'm teetotal so maybe not impartial but lots of people are the opposite so not really impartial themselves either. Yes it's their house. Yes they invited her. But why does everyone need to be wasted before 6pm everyday? What's wrong with 1/2 bucks fizzes and that's it until 6? She said Xmas day they can do what they want. Do what's right for you and your son, not borderline binge drinkers.

There's nothing wrong with just a couple of Bucks Fizzes, but you can't expect to tell a grown adult what they can or can't do. If you don't like being around drinkers, or don't like a certain person's behaviour while drunk, then it's on you to keep away, not demand other people change their behaviour.

purpleme12 · 21/12/2024 20:49

Mmmm I think I'd be one of those didn't reply as well

Cos I'd be thinking that no one should be policing me!!

applestewing · 21/12/2024 20:49

How long do you take on the toilet 🤣

I can’t imagine a toddler being able to understand the context of an argument or noticing

Original poster

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:49

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:44

So stay home and keep your child away from abusive drunks. You can't tell other people what to do in their own home.

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Yeah, maybe you are right. I know it’s a bit OTT to ask someone that, I knew that when I sent the message.
I guess I was just coming from a place of really wanting to have a lovely Christmas with my son and family, and I know if people stuck to this rule we would have a great time. It’s not even every family member, mainly just one who gets like this; but I sent the message to everyone so that they didn’t feel singled out.

OP posts:

Combattingthemoaners · 21/12/2024 20:48

🤯

IdontPracticeSanteria · 21/12/2024 20:48

I'd be uninviting you.

ShortyShorts · 21/12/2024 20:48

Bless you, even if this is your first DC you must know you can't accept an invitation and then start calling the shots regarding what they do in their own home.

Either do the hosting and then you can make the rules, or have a nice chilled Xmas with just you and your child.

Dobbythechristmaself · 21/12/2024 20:48

Honestly OP, what on earth has made you think this is a reasonable request. Do you usually get to dictate things like this?

FoxtonFoxton · 21/12/2024 20:47

Don't be silly. You'll be there -sober- to supervise your son. You can choose not to go or to leave if you don't like the way things are going. I don't drink at all and haven't for years, but I wouldn't tell others what they can do, especially not in their own home at a party.

Balancedcitizen101 · 21/12/2024 20:46

I'm the 3% that think you are not being unreasonable. Ok I'm teetotal so maybe not impartial but lots of people are the opposite so not really impartial themselves either. Yes it's their house. Yes they invited her. But why does everyone need to be wasted before 6pm everyday? What's wrong with 1/2 bucks fizzes and that's it until 6? She said Xmas day they can do what they want. Do what's right for you and your son, not borderline binge drinkers.

Mum2jenny · 21/12/2024 20:45

OP just bin the ppl that are pissing you off. Most normal ppl are ok

Pancakeflipper · 21/12/2024 20:45

They'll.proably be rude/aggressive without alcohol. So best you don't go.

MyBirthdayMonth · 21/12/2024 20:45

Ridiculous.

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:44

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:39

I’ve been told!

my issue isn’t with alcohol in general, I have friends who are welcome to come to my house and drink because they don’t go overboard and are the ‘funny drunks.’ Certain family members have history of being aggressive when drunk and having bad moods, which I’m almost certain my son would pick up on and I don’t want him exposed to. They are absolutely fine when sober tho that’s why ideally I’d prefer they are sober around him.

So stay home and keep your child away from abusive drunks. You can't tell other people what to do in their own home.

LetsNCagain · 21/12/2024 20:43

Don't take your son to soend time with frightening, aggressive people.

Maybe people will disagree but I don't think alcohol makes certain people aggressive. Those people already are aggressive and the alcohol just removes their self restraint. Even if they abstain from alcohol, something else could remove their self restraint (for example, your son might annoy them by doing an ordinary childish thing). So they're just not good companions for a small child.

I'm thinking of relatives I used to dread seeing as a child myself

Original poster

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:40

And of course I am not expecting anyone to baby sit but it’s a big house and if for example I need to use the toliet, I want to be able to do so without worrying that I will walk back in the room to an argument/ or people being rude to one another.

OP posts:

Original poster

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:39

I’ve been told!

my issue isn’t with alcohol in general, I have friends who are welcome to come to my house and drink because they don’t go overboard and are the ‘funny drunks.’ Certain family members have history of being aggressive when drunk and having bad moods, which I’m almost certain my son would pick up on and I don’t want him exposed to. They are absolutely fine when sober tho that’s why ideally I’d prefer they are sober around him.

OP posts:

OneTC · 21/12/2024 20:37

I'd tell you not to come tbh