To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

Unbelievable. There is entitlement and there is, well I don't even know what to call it.

Rather than putting down rules, I would have just politely refused the invite. It’s not compulsory to go, nor do you need to give an excuse, but you can’t really accept a kindly extended invite by saying ‘ yes I will come, but I am setting out my ground rules first’. It’s just rude and self entitled.

Well, maybe not, but there is a lot of social pressure to spend Christmas with family (no matter how dysfunctional) and the OP sounds a bit trapped by the sheer distance / not able to drop in and out as you might usually. I see my father most Boxing Days for the same reason - he's usually drunk before we get to the restaurant, leaves the table to smoke every 5 minutes, complains about the food and the cost, turns up unshaven and unbathed, burps, etc etc. People tolerate all kinds of crap for the sake of wider family or because they feel they have to at Xmas. I wish somebody had saved me from that as a child and I am glad the OP is at least trying to protect their toddler.

I hate drunks, but know it's not up to me to control people's drinking. On team nights out or anything that invites excessive drinking I leave early, simple.

You're unreasonable for asking that there is no drinking all day. If your family are badly behaved drunks, go early and make a quick exit.

YANBU

It's clear that many of those shouting unreasonable haven't even read your first post correctly (Christmas day excluded).

If I understand it correctly, you suggest drinking only in the evenings, and understand something small at Christmas dinner.

I can imagine part of your family is actually quite happy about this suggestion, why should the small number who can't behave poison Christmas for everyone?

Yeah this. ^

One side of my family is like this so I do understand but YASBU. Just don't go. I do remember being told as a child if I heard anything smash or someone shouting, to put my shoes on ready to leave. It didn't particularly traumatise me but I can understand you don't want your child around it.

I'd just not go.

You can't control other people's behaviour unfortunately can only control your responses/actions to it. You can ask but they also have the right to say no so you need to decide what your boundaries around this will be, will you remove you and your child from the environment if alcohol is around whether to another space or completley, always ensure is supervised etc which you should be doing anyway as it is your child ultimately. Or you make the decision not to go if you think that they are going to be aggressive or rowdy. And tell them exactly why if they ask.

We have had many family parties ruined when the cousins get drunk and start fighting. Had to chase them down the street. My brother has had to become de facto babysitter. Things have been damaged or broken.

I still think she's being unreasonable. Fine to dictate at your own home that there's no drinking but you don't dictate in someone else's house. You just don't accept their invite

I don't think that's fair. I'm sure everyone has been around plenty of people they don't want to be around when they've had a drink. No one on here is stupid. We can have sympathy for her situation. The issue here is whether she is entitled to dictate the rules in someone else's home over Christmas, which is obviously ridiculous.

@Toddlertantrums222 You can't POSSIBLY think you are being reasonable. COME ON!!!!! If you don't want your child around your family when they've had a drink, then don't take him to their house!

This is so controlling. Just stay home if it is such an issue .

Totally get it. My dad can either be my nice laid back funny guy or an arsehole after a few drinks. You just never know what your going to get. I basically grew up with functional alcoholic parents and I will not let my children be exposed to that. Thankfully they do not drink around my children except maybe one or two glasses with Sunday lunch or dinner and at weddings/parties which is fair enough.

One time I was round my parents, my dad came home from the pub drunk unexpectedly. I was meant to be staying overnight with my DD, I packed up and left because it made me anxious I didn't want them seeing what I grew up with. My dad quickly realised that he needed to never do that again and hasn't. He knows if grandkids are over - he can have one or two drinks of course but getting drunk is a no go for me.

But unfortunately you can't dictate it to people and let's face it over Xmas period, people who are alcoholic are less likely to stick to it.

Fair enough, but presumably op wouldn’t be contemplating staying for a week if this were the case?

You can't tell other people whether to drink or not unless it's in your house.
If you think they're all going to get pissed and argue/ fall over I would reduce the amount of time you plan to spend there. All you can do is stay sober yourself and look after your son yourself.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not
Oh, you really are, have no doubts on that score…

This thread is full of knee-jerk responses from people who have never had to cope with problem drinkers and their awful behaviour and it really shows. Some people just don't know when to stop, on any day, and Christmas gives them the perfect excuse to drink morning, noon and night and ruin it for everybody.

My mother is a nightmare when drunk, slurry and loud and obnoxious and I wouldn't want a child around that either. Stay in a hotel OP and then leave at your leisure. By texting a group, you've got all the defensive social drinkers thinking they're the 'target' whilst the person who is really the source of the problem is probably oblivious anyway. If some people could see how atrocious they are when drunk, they wouldn't do it.

Don’t leave them in charge of your son (he is your responsibility not theirs!!)

Leave at 6pm and take him home to bed before they have drunk too much?

Don’t go?

Look after your own child and don't worry about the other it's Christmas you can't dictate what other people do.

I cannot imagine why you would do such a thing. If relatives are aggressive when they drink don't go, but you have no right to dictate.

If there was someone whose behaviour I didn’t like when they were drunk, I’d make sure I wasn’t around them when they were likely to drink.

If it’s someone else invited for the holiday who is the problem drinker, I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to (privately) discuss your concerns with whoever is hosting. But I wouldn’t be happy to be told I couldn’t have a glass of wine with lunch if I wanted one (and I say that from the perspective of someone who isn’t a big drinker and rarely drinks at Christmas through choice - I’d definitely be having one if I was told not to, though!)

Has anyone replied to your message? Would be interesting to know what they say.

You can't stop lairy drunks from being lairy drunks unfortunately. And even if they say they won't do it or they don't think they have a problem, they are often in denial about both how much they have drunk and its effects on them. I refuse to stay overnight with a family member who has a drinking problem. I'll visit for lunch or stay in an airbnb nearby, but I prefer not to be around them or have my kids around them after a certain time of the day.

I’m afraid you can’t dictate how other people behave in their own house. If you are worried about people drinking around your child, then stay at home.