Page 12 | To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 21:46

I would say, just don't go. In fact, rather than waiting for more replies, I'd be sending a message apologising and saying you realise you were being unreasonable.

RawBloomers · 21/12/2024 21:46

As soon as you said that some people had responded yes, I thought - there’s a family with problematic drunks and many of them know it!

I understand why you asked. It’ a difficult situation. It’s unreasonable to ask people not to drink in their own home, but people who get drunk and behave badly are also unreasonable. It can be hard to know how to make the best of the situation without cutting people out of your life.

Personally I think a very up front conversation where you don’t pussyfoot around the fact some people behave appallingly is the way to go. But that doesn't work for everyone. I hope you get the result you’re after, OP.

johnyhadasister · 21/12/2024 21:45

Don't go. Celebrate it with your husband
it does not seem you have good relatives tbh
what will be the loss
drunakrds, argumentative, leave a toddler to fall on their head because their alcohol is more important

elliejjtiny · 21/12/2024 21:45

You can't do that. Although people who are drunk and aggressive at home during the day clearly have an alcohol problem.

SeAmableSiempre · 21/12/2024 21:45

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:39

I’ve been told!

my issue isn’t with alcohol in general, I have friends who are welcome to come to my house and drink because they don’t go overboard and are the ‘funny drunks.’ Certain family members have history of being aggressive when drunk and having bad moods, which I’m almost certain my son would pick up on and I don’t want him exposed to. They are absolutely fine when sober tho that’s why ideally I’d prefer they are sober around him.

I rarely drink but I would object to being asked not to in my own home at Christmas. He’s your son, your responsibility, and if you fear he’ll be exposed to aggression your decision should be to stay at home. You cannot expect your family to agree to your ridiculous request.

Wonderi · 21/12/2024 21:44

You cannot control other people behaviour.

But you can choose to not go so you don’t have to deal with it.

I’m not a big drinker but there’s no way someone would be telling me what I can and can’t do in my own home.

Make an excuse not to go and perhaps visit them on a different day where you can stay in a nearby hotel and leave when you want.

Coffeewithtwosugars · 21/12/2024 21:44

You can’t do that. You are responsible for your son , if it’s that bad that you think it’s unsafe for him then you don’t take him. You can’t dictate what others do . I understand it , I also don’t care for drinking and could go without and would prefer to not be in a situation with drinking but in that case I would make the choice to not go or just deal with it .

Elizo · 21/12/2024 21:43

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

dictate what everyone does for the week over Christmas. Nope

Icanttakethisanymore · 21/12/2024 21:38

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2024 20:28

Don’t be ridiculous op! I’m afraid I’d refuse to comply on principle - you can’t ask this of people it will just get backs up for no good reason. You stay sober, it’s your child. You may need to reconsider going if you really can’t bear people drinking.

Edited

Me too, even if I wasn’t planning on drinking I’d massively object to being asked not to have glass of wine in front of your little prince.

NiftyKoala · 21/12/2024 21:35

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 21:24

On the contrary, I have multiple relatives who are alcoholics as well as knowing other close friends who had problems with drink.

I have every sympathy for the OP but I still don't think she has the right to tell others how to behave in their own homes.

Exactly. Personally I don't drink. If I had relatives that were aggressive when drunk it would never cross my mind to dictate rules to them in THEIR home. I simply would not go.

Henbags · 21/12/2024 21:34

Is this a joke?

adviceneeded1990 · 21/12/2024 21:32

I wouldn’t like this either @Toddlertantrums222 but you can’t dictate what happens in their house so I just wouldn’t go. No one in my family drinks at Christmas during the day so I agree with you that it’s not essential and often harmful. Sadly though a lot of people in the UK can’t do anything without alcohol 🙄.

SeAmableSiempre · 21/12/2024 21:30

ilovelamp82 · 21/12/2024 21:12

I don't think that's fair. I'm sure everyone has been around plenty of people they don't want to be around when they've had a drink. No one on here is stupid. We can have sympathy for her situation. The issue here is whether she is entitled to dictate the rules in someone else's home over Christmas, which is obviously ridiculous.

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I agree, OP cannot be expected to impose rules in another persons house

dhxxx · 21/12/2024 21:30

I'm sorry but if it was me, I'd be hoping you don't come/leave early. It's their Christmas too...

MayMumm · 21/12/2024 21:29

What have you done! No of course you can’t do that.

if you feel uncomfortable you really have two options

you have two options just don’t go or watch him like a hawk when there ….

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 21/12/2024 21:29

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 21:13

Just checked and another has responded.

One said: okay (my name) x
The other said: of course (my name) ❤️
And one said: Absolutely x

One of the family members I was most worried about gave the absolutely response so was a bit surprised but also relieved. Hopefully the other 2 respond soon. One of the ones who hasn’t responded is also a bit problematic when drinking, so I will feel much better once they’ve agreed. And the other one is awful at replies but I’m not worried about him anyways.

At least this way if everyone has agreed then if something happens and people fall back on the agreement, they can’t complain that I’ve left. It is a long drive but I would pack up ASAP if the vibes were bad for my son.

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You’re being really selfish and it’s such a shame that they feel that they have to pander to you.

SeAmableSiempre · 21/12/2024 21:28

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 20:23

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week.

I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel.

2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep.

I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

If you’re not comfortable with the behaviour of the family when under the influence of alcohol you shouldn’t be going. YABU by expecting to impose rules in someone else’s home, you are responsible for your DC, no one else, and if you believe DC is at risk then decline the invitation. Their house, their rules, simple

pollypocket90 · 21/12/2024 21:26

Sooooo unreasonable! Wow, just wow.

Topsyturvy78 · 21/12/2024 21:26

That's a bit controlling. I don't drink much but always have a couple of drinks Christmas. Yes I'm a single mum with 2 grown up children both severe disabilities. I know my limits I wouldn't have any more than 2 before they go to bed. I might have another one once their in bed. But hey ho I've had to call an ambulance out on Christmas day for DD and the paramedics or were fine with me going in the ambulance. Most wouldn't get drunk with a child present anyway.

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 21:26

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 21:24

On the contrary, I have multiple relatives who are alcoholics as well as knowing other close friends who had problems with drink.

I have every sympathy for the OP but I still don't think she has the right to tell others how to behave in their own homes.

That was meant to be a quote, no idea what happened!

ilovelamp82 · 21/12/2024 21:25

PurpleSky300 · 21/12/2024 21:22

Yeah, no-one can dictate to someone else. But it's a pretty sad situation to be in (from the outside) - and sad that someone's drunken behaviour makes a friend or relative feel this way about being around them at Christmas. I think the 'request' is unreasonable but I can see why it was made, OP is just trying to protect her child.

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Of course. But the question was AIBU to tell them that can't drink in their own home? Not even 'ask', but 'tell' people they can't. Her reasons are admirable. But you can't 'tell' anyone what to do in their own home. It's absurd.

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 21:24

On the contrary, I have multiple relatives who are alcoholics as well as knowing other close friends who had problems with drink.

I have every sympathy for the OP but I still don't think she has the right to tell others how to behave in their own homes.

PurpleSky300 · 21/12/2024 21:22

ilovelamp82 · 21/12/2024 21:12

I don't think that's fair. I'm sure everyone has been around plenty of people they don't want to be around when they've had a drink. No one on here is stupid. We can have sympathy for her situation. The issue here is whether she is entitled to dictate the rules in someone else's home over Christmas, which is obviously ridiculous.

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Yeah, no-one can dictate to someone else. But it's a pretty sad situation to be in (from the outside) - and sad that someone's drunken behaviour makes a friend or relative feel this way about being around them at Christmas. I think the 'request' is unreasonable but I can see why it was made, OP is just trying to protect her child.

FartyPants9 · 21/12/2024 21:21

The world doesn't revolve around you or your son.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 21/12/2024 21:19

Just be prepared for the arguments happening anyway when someone decides that they do want a glass of wine with their evening meal at 5:30

"Oh so because Toddler said we can't drink we all have to bow down to her do we?" Kind of thing