Page 10 | To tell them they can’t drink in their own home?

Toddlertantrums222 · 2024-12-21T20:23:14+00:00

Hi, I am a single mum to a toddler and have been invited by my family (parents and siblings) to spend Christmas with them and stay for the week. I sent out a text a few days ago to basically say that I’d really appreciate it if people withhold from consuming alcohol around my son, excluding Christmas Day. I explained that most nights he goes to bed by 6/7pm so obviously still plenty time to drink in the evening. Reason being is that I just don’t like the atmosphere of people being drunk, especially when it brings out an aggressive/argumentative side which I have seen in certain family members. I wouldn’t take him to a pub everyday for the same reason. It’s also a safeguarding concern as a few months ago one family member was watching my son and he had a fall, resulting in a lump on his head and bruise lasting a week. I didn’t know they had been drinking, apparently it was only a couple, but I really felt like the alcohol was partly to blame. Maybe I’m being paranoid and it had nothing to do with it, but that’s how I feel. 2 out of the 3 adult family members have responded with yes that’s totally fine but the others have not. Not a peep. I don’t know if I am being unreasonable or not. Personally I don’t really care for alcohol, could go months without touching it, so doesn’t bother me. But appreciate others do enjoy drinking a lot more than me.

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:35

Wheresthebeach · 21/12/2024 22:33

Completely unreasonable. People can have a drink with their Xmas lunch if they want to, you can’t dictate that. You can leave if you don’t like their behaviour but this level of trying to dictate to others is simply wrong

OP actually asked for people not to drink before her child’s bedtime and didn’t include Xmas day in that.

CousinBob · 21/12/2024 22:35

I don’t think the OP is being unreasonable to ask that people don’t drink before 7pm. She has allowed for Christmas Day being excluded.
Anyone who has a problem with that has a problem with alcohol to be honest.

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:34

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:23

Sorry, yes ... you did exclude Christmas Day from your daytime drinking ban.

Still think the same though. If you don't want daytime drinking, just stay home. It's not for you to make the decision about other people's behaviour. Or just go for Christmas Day when you don't mind people drinking.

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This is her parent’s home though not just people. If it’s a sibling be having badly she has just as much right as them to be there, why shouldn’t she be able to ask them to make an effort when her child is awake?

Wheresthebeach · 21/12/2024 22:33

Completely unreasonable. People can have a drink with their Xmas lunch if they want to, you can’t dictate that. You can leave if you don’t like their behaviour but this level of trying to dictate to others is simply wrong

Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 22:27

Its super entitled to expect prople to change whatvtheyre doing im their own home because you domt like it. You have to question why you are going there in the first place if they're so objectionable?

Just leave when you want to

Parisienne123 · 21/12/2024 22:27

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:18

It's an odd favour, though, isn't it? We live in a society where Christmas means alcohol - Bucks Fizzz in the morning, sherry here and there, wine with lunch ... cocktails ... If you, as a family don't do that (and I didn't when kids were little - I couldn't afford it) that's fine. But for other people, it's part of Christmas.

OP doesn't want alcohol as part of her Christmas Day, and that's fine. If she's hosting Christmas, she can make the days alcohol free and people can choose to accept it or not. But if someone else is hosting, they do it their way - if OP wants to be there, their rules. Personally, I don't drink during the day, so it wouldn't bother me, but I wouldn't like being asked that not just me, but I and my guests should avoid alcohol in daylight hours because of a toddler.

OP needs to make her choices and live with them - not make her choices and expect everyone else to do as she wants.

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OP actually asked for people not to drink before her child’s bedtime and didn’t include Xmas day in that.

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:27

ChristmasEveNotChristmasSteve · 21/12/2024 22:20

She said excluding Christmas Day.

Are people really that defensive about daytime drinking? It's quite bizarre.

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Its not about drinking its about a guest dictating what people can and can't do in their own home, if you don't like it don't go

poemsandwine · 21/12/2024 22:26

Stay at home. You can't dictate what people do in their own home. You can decide to not show up due to your principles. That's fine. I happen to agree with you. But you cannot tell them what to do.

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:23

Porcuporpoise · 21/12/2024 22:19

Am just gobsmacked that the atmosphere at a family Christmas might get so leary and aggressive that that is necessary.😲 I wouldn't take my child anywhere near people whose idea of a good Christmas is getting pissed in the afternoon (a few drinks ye but aggressive drunk?).

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If this is likely to happen she shouldn't take her son at all as it will also happen in the evening when her son is in bed and they are allowed to drink but if op is just a bit dramatic and just doesn't want her family drinking then it's tough shit and it's her responsibility to keep her child safe whether that is staying home or removing him if needed

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:23

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:20

You missed the bit where I said excluding Christmas Day.

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Sorry, yes ... you did exclude Christmas Day from your daytime drinking ban.

Still think the same though. If you don't want daytime drinking, just stay home. It's not for you to make the decision about other people's behaviour. Or just go for Christmas Day when you don't mind people drinking.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/12/2024 22:23

Staying for a whole week is far far too long, if you are going to be anxious about even going to the toilet.

Cut the stay right down - 3 days is more than enough.

ChristmasEveNotChristmasSteve · 21/12/2024 22:20

Whaleandsnail6 · 21/12/2024 20:30

Yes you are unreasonable.

You are there to look after your son and if you dont want him around alcohol then you should stay home.

You cant dictate what others do on their Christmas day in their own home

She said excluding Christmas Day.

Are people really that defensive about daytime drinking? It's quite bizarre.

Original poster

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:20

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:18

It's an odd favour, though, isn't it? We live in a society where Christmas means alcohol - Bucks Fizzz in the morning, sherry here and there, wine with lunch ... cocktails ... If you, as a family don't do that (and I didn't when kids were little - I couldn't afford it) that's fine. But for other people, it's part of Christmas.

OP doesn't want alcohol as part of her Christmas Day, and that's fine. If she's hosting Christmas, she can make the days alcohol free and people can choose to accept it or not. But if someone else is hosting, they do it their way - if OP wants to be there, their rules. Personally, I don't drink during the day, so it wouldn't bother me, but I wouldn't like being asked that not just me, but I and my guests should avoid alcohol in daylight hours because of a toddler.

OP needs to make her choices and live with them - not make her choices and expect everyone else to do as she wants.

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You missed the bit where I said excluding Christmas Day.

OP posts:

Porcuporpoise · 21/12/2024 22:19

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:13

Yabvvvu your son is your responsibility and nobody else's if the environment becomes unsafe you remove him from it

Am just gobsmacked that the atmosphere at a family Christmas might get so leary and aggressive that that is necessary.😲 I wouldn't take my child anywhere near people whose idea of a good Christmas is getting pissed in the afternoon (a few drinks ye but aggressive drunk?).

BillieJ · 21/12/2024 22:18

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:07

I would like to ask the people who are saying this is unreasonable why is it unreasonable to ask your family to do you a favour. As long as she doesn't get nasty if they say no, where is the harm in asking?
I guess you think nobody should ever ask anybody for a favour, then?

It's an odd favour, though, isn't it? We live in a society where Christmas means alcohol - Bucks Fizzz in the morning, sherry here and there, wine with lunch ... cocktails ... If you, as a family don't do that (and I didn't when kids were little - I couldn't afford it) that's fine. But for other people, it's part of Christmas.

OP doesn't want alcohol as part of her Christmas Day, and that's fine. If she's hosting Christmas, she can make the days alcohol free and people can choose to accept it or not. But if someone else is hosting, they do it their way - if OP wants to be there, their rules. Personally, I don't drink during the day, so it wouldn't bother me, but I wouldn't like being asked that not just me, but I and my guests should avoid alcohol in daylight hours because of a toddler.

OP needs to make her choices and live with them - not make her choices and expect everyone else to do as she wants.

Original poster

Toddlertantrums222 · 21/12/2024 22:17

ChristmasinBrighton · 21/12/2024 22:08

I don’t drink alcohol but you are coming across as hard work.

Exactly what happens when this family member has a “bad mood?” If they are shouting abuse and smashing things up, YANBU, but it doesn’t really sound like that…

Arguing with anyone and everyone; it’s obviously worse when the 2 problematic people are arguing with each other.

Being very negative, name calling, over dramatic. And also just generally strange behaviour like walking in to a room full of people talking and turning the light off and walking off again.

I wouldn’t say I’m hard work I’m quite an easy going person, I’m not asking them not to drink around me because I’m used to it but I don’t want my son exposed to it.

OP posts:

Queenofthejabs · 21/12/2024 22:16

This is really unacceptable and they’ve no option but to agree and keep the peace.

id apologise. You can’t do this. And you know it.

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:14

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:07

I would like to ask the people who are saying this is unreasonable why is it unreasonable to ask your family to do you a favour. As long as she doesn't get nasty if they say no, where is the harm in asking?
I guess you think nobody should ever ask anybody for a favour, then?

Its not a favour it's controlling

Differentstarts · 21/12/2024 22:13

Yabvvvu your son is your responsibility and nobody else's if the environment becomes unsafe you remove him from it

LesLavandes · 21/12/2024 22:10

If you feel concerned, stay at home. Go get some food this weekend and enjoy Christmas with your child

BoarBrush · 21/12/2024 22:10

You can't expect that of people no. I mean you could ask, I'd certainly say no.

don't take your son, it's not worth it for you or him clearly from your p.o.v.

And as the parent of a 10yo that has so far split his head open 5 times outwith my care, don't be blaming that on others. Some kids are frankly just injury prone/clumsy fannies 😀

ChristmasinBrighton · 21/12/2024 22:08

I don’t drink alcohol but you are coming across as hard work.

Exactly what happens when this family member has a “bad mood?” If they are shouting abuse and smashing things up, YANBU, but it doesn’t really sound like that…

Wintersgirl · 21/12/2024 22:08

One of the family members I was most worried about gave the absolutely response so was a bit surprised but also relieved.

I wouldn't bank on this, come Christmas night he/she might fancy a tipple

XChrome · 21/12/2024 22:07

I would like to ask the people who are saying this is unreasonable why is it unreasonable to ask your family to do you a favour. As long as she doesn't get nasty if they say no, where is the harm in asking?
I guess you think nobody should ever ask anybody for a favour, then?

Maddy70 · 21/12/2024 22:06

Jesus... just dont do this