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Original poster

Argument and I feel like I'm going mad

108 replies

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 19:49

Please tell me who is being unreasonable in this scenario. Walking with DH, he is holding DSs (6) hand. DS keeps tripping up and eventually falls down. DH gets angry and shouts at DS. I catch up and say that DS doesn't normally trip like this with me ( he used to when younger). DH explodes and says 'are you saying it's my fault'? Very angry. When I try and explain that I'm just stating a fact, not blaming anyone he accuses me of gaslighting ( a favourite phrase of his). I was gobsmacked. Was I wrong in what I said?

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:29

ScrollingLeaves · 21/12/2024 20:19

Yes it was a horrible response to his tripping.

Show quote history

I wonder if DH felt DS was mucking around? Not saying that's a reason to shout, but it's often the response on here to say "well, if you weren't messing around it wouldn't happened" or similar.

InWalksBarberalla · 21/12/2024 20:28

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 19:57

No additional needs. My husband walks very quickly and it was dark and wet

So you were blaming your DH for your DS falling over. And the gas lighting claim sounds accurate.

lemmein · 21/12/2024 20:26

Slidingdowntherainbow · 21/12/2024 20:03

Young child falls over and parent thinks an appropriate response is to shout at them?!

How about asking if he’s ok?! God, the most basic of parenting skills has been lost. Empathy, compassion, kindness.

Your husband sounds like a huge prick. Next time he hurts himself, give him a good bollocking.

As you mention you had to catch up, is it possible your husband was walking too quickly for your 6 year old?

I have a 6 year old and I’m actually feeling quite sad about this, what a horrible response to him tripping.

This!

My DGS is 7 and I can't imagine shouting at him if he fell over - poor kid.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 20:24

You sound like you bicker a lot.

The Theatre thing sounds really over the top.

You are leaving just wait by the entrance

ScrollingLeaves · 21/12/2024 20:19

Slidingdowntherainbow · 21/12/2024 20:03

Young child falls over and parent thinks an appropriate response is to shout at them?!

How about asking if he’s ok?! God, the most basic of parenting skills has been lost. Empathy, compassion, kindness.

Your husband sounds like a huge prick. Next time he hurts himself, give him a good bollocking.

As you mention you had to catch up, is it possible your husband was walking too quickly for your 6 year old?

I have a 6 year old and I’m actually feeling quite sad about this, what a horrible response to him tripping.

Yes it was a horrible response to his tripping.

Ponoka7 · 21/12/2024 20:18

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:10

It was a busy theatre. If he'd carried on we could have lost each other. Why is calling someone's name controlling?

Edited

Why haven't you agreed in advance if you lose each other to wait by X exit? You shouting was embarrassing. My GC know that it's better to get out of the way, in the congested part, then wait.
He was too impatient with your six year old, though.

ChangeofAir · 21/12/2024 20:18

Do you bicker a lot?

It was a bit unkind to say DS never trips with you - even if true, it's just not...helping. better to say 'maybe you were walking a bit too quickly with him?'

But the theatre thing, if I called my DH's name and he heard, he would immediately turn to see what I wanted. He just ignored you, then said you were gaslighting him?

Not on at all.

LL99887 · 21/12/2024 20:16

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:10

It was a busy theatre. If he'd carried on we could have lost each other. Why is calling someone's name controlling?

Edited

Calling out someone's name isn't controlling.

REPEATEDLY calling out someone's name however, could be considered OTT. You were all walking out of a theatre, not a crumbling building with everyone screaming and panicking. I

f you both had phones then you are hardly like to lose each other are you?

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:13

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:10

It was a busy theatre. If he'd carried on we could have lost each other. Why is calling someone's name controlling?

Edited

I think it's because it comes across a bit like you don't trust him.

It often makes sense in these places to meet up outside rather than wait for each other inside a crowded theatre.

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:11

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:06

Ok, another example. Leaving a busy theatre. Part of group trapped behind in seats, husband walking off with child to exit. I called his name on the stairs to try and tell him to wait for rest of group. He was looking at his phone and didn't reply so I said it a few times. When I caught up.with he was visibly angry because I was shouting. I said I was trying to get his attention because he didn't reply. Once again I'm gaslighting apparently. It just feels like his ego is so fragile.

He was probably embarrassed to be shouted at in public that - I would be too. Was there a safety reason why he had to wait?

Evaka · 21/12/2024 20:11

Sounds like you're both getting on rach others' tits a lot.

Original poster
Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:10

It was a busy theatre. If he'd carried on we could have lost each other. Why is calling someone's name controlling?

OP posts:
ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 21/12/2024 20:08

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:06

Ok, another example. Leaving a busy theatre. Part of group trapped behind in seats, husband walking off with child to exit. I called his name on the stairs to try and tell him to wait for rest of group. He was looking at his phone and didn't reply so I said it a few times. When I caught up.with he was visibly angry because I was shouting. I said I was trying to get his attention because he didn't reply. Once again I'm gaslighting apparently. It just feels like his ego is so fragile.

Oh @Aliceisagooddog you sound a little annoying.

itsgettingweird · 21/12/2024 20:08

You sound controlling tbh.

Why can't your DH walk to the entrance with ds and wait for the group there? Why does he need to wait because you tell him too?

I couldn't be with someone who needed to direct my every decision

Mudflaps · 21/12/2024 20:06

If your ds was tripping more than once or twice why didn't your dh pick him up and carry/jockey back him? Kids can get tired and walking just isn't fun for anyone when that happens, also if your dh's stride is considerably longer than yours and your ds is used to walking with you that also could be a factor. But is sounds like everyone was out of sorts and it needs to be forgotten about. Also you might want to correct your husband on the meaning of gaslighting, if he's going to throw the accusation about at least ask him to get it right.

Original poster
Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 20:06

Ok, another example. Leaving a busy theatre. Part of group trapped behind in seats, husband walking off with child to exit. I called his name on the stairs to try and tell him to wait for rest of group. He was looking at his phone and didn't reply so I said it a few times. When I caught up.with he was visibly angry because I was shouting. I said I was trying to get his attention because he didn't reply. Once again I'm gaslighting apparently. It just feels like his ego is so fragile.

OP posts:
Flossyflop · 21/12/2024 20:05

What’s the backstory? Because it sounds like you are implying that your DH drags your son around too fast and makes him trip.

Slidingdowntherainbow · 21/12/2024 20:03

Young child falls over and parent thinks an appropriate response is to shout at them?!

How about asking if he’s ok?! God, the most basic of parenting skills has been lost. Empathy, compassion, kindness.

Your husband sounds like a huge prick. Next time he hurts himself, give him a good bollocking.

As you mention you had to catch up, is it possible your husband was walking too quickly for your 6 year old?

I have a 6 year old and I’m actually feeling quite sad about this, what a horrible response to him tripping.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 20:02

Definitely sounds like you were blaming him as well. Surely you'd just say, are you OK to your son

Dishwashersaurous · 21/12/2024 20:00

Your comment was unnecessary. He tripped over. Not a massive big deal. A six year old should be able to walk fine but equally will sometimes fall over.

Sounds like you were all tired and grumpy

NewNameNoelle · 21/12/2024 20:00

Taken simply as you’ve written it, I think he’s justified in thinking you were implying fault.

His reaction isn’t justified but your comment wasn’t ideal. Perhaps ‘Oh no, let me help’ or ‘shall we slow down so you can keep up?’ or ‘do try to take care DS’. There are so many other things you could have said.

However, I expect there is a backstory to this one.

biscuitsandbooks · 21/12/2024 20:00

Your comment does read a bit like you're blaming DH.

It's all a bit of a non-issue IMO.

Ace56 · 21/12/2024 20:00

Aliceisagooddog · 21/12/2024 19:57

He fell partially on one knee

Again, this is such a non-issue. The appropriate response would have just been ‘whoops DS, careful where you’re walking!’

Deliveringpressies · 21/12/2024 20:00

Your DH should have been more considerate of his pace, and the lack of light and the wet conditions a six year old was dealing with.

ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes · 21/12/2024 19:59

Your DH needs patience with your DS but you did rub salt in the wound.

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