Argument and I feel like I'm going mad

“He doesn’t do that with me” is 100% you making out he did something wrong/blaming him. I’d be pissy with you too.

If someone lives with a shouting, abusive man like that, they often do end up feeling unable to speak assertively and say tentative or passive-aggressive things like, "he doesn't do that with me," because they're scared of the reaction.

Teach him what gaslighting is as this isn't it.

Surprised so many think OP is unreasonable when DH is being aggressive. Messing around or not, shouting at DS is not helpful in the situation. Children remember bad stuff like that. I remember being smacked and running off crying. This is late 90s - it's not just tough love, it's bad parenting. Think DH needs to chill out in general, especially in front of DS. If it happens a lot then maybe check with a doctor about tripping up in case any issues that can be solved.

Well, it's abusive to shout at a child for tripping. If you had to catch up, DH was probably pulling DS along too fast and making him trip. That's why DS doesn't trip when he's walking with you: you presumably don't walk in such a way that DS trips then blame DS for that by shouting at him.

Poor child.

DH is responding angrily because he knows he's being a nasty piece of work. Decent people do not shout at children for tripping over. They check they're ok and console them.

Sounds like DH has a thing for rushing off ahead. It's arrogant and annoying when people do that.

Saying "he doesn't do that with me" implies your DH is doing something wrong, it's a passive aggressive criticism. You might have got a better response if you'd have said "please can you slow down I think DS is struggling to keep up"

Another person who hasn’t actually read or understood the argument. You realise you’re actually supporting her husband’s stance here because she is claiming that she actually wasn’t questioning his actions?

I agree. It's hugely frustrating to deal with, the faux innocence that this sounds like.

I think you're being a little.obtuse OP, by saying ds never tripped with you you were comparing whatever he was doing unfavourably against how you do things. You can pretend you weren't, but you go on to do so anyway.

Theatre thing was bonkers. He had your child, and didn't hear you because he was concentrating on something else. You did not have to control his actions, you could quite easily have waited for the others yourself and then caught them up after. Apart from kids, it is everyone fend for themselves in that scenario, and meet up outside. I would have been annoyed at someone shouting after me in this set up, he is not a child, you are not his parent, and he wasn't doing anything wrong to keep moving.

He shouldn't have shouted at your son for tripping, unless he as kicking around repeatedly.

But honestly, you sound hugely frustrating.

I wonder if you Dh was walking so fast it caused ds to trip up? To get angry and shout when a child has already fallen is unkind and uncalled for.

You are not being unreasonable to question Dhs actions.

Too many parents turn a blind eye to this sort of thing, you stuck up for your child and your DH should know better. Well done you.

Yes sorry he tripped because he was being pulled along very fast

so why is the OP being berated as this is clearly awful behaviour lol

It's not a conversation to have in front of a 6yo though - OP should have brought it up afterwards if she felt it was an issue.

Both of your examples would have annoyed me so I am with your DH

You realise this reply confirms what the husband is saying don’t you?😂 OP is denying that she was saying it was his fault, she blatantly was, you agree that she was, so her denying that’s what she was doing IS the problem.

I agree with your husband, you’ve said it’s his fault. It’s pointless trying to deny that really, that’s how I would have taken it as well.

I also wouldn’t appreciate my husband shouting my name in the theatre when leaving, it’s really not the end of the world to get briefly separated and meeting back up outside.

Then she should have acknowledged that she was blaming him - not the faux naivety that she was 'just stating a fact'.

You do sound annoying.
The first instance sounds like you are blaming your oh.
Second instance, he was taking care of a child and exiting the theatre, just meet them outside. It's not like they were going far.
It all sounds a bit dramatic.

Probably as he was dragging him along walking at too fast a pace. My ex used to do that with DS2 and now as an adult he still bears the scar on bis nose. OP stating it doesn’t happen with her is accurate, as she probably walks at his pace. How is that gas lighting? Truth might hurt, but she is stating a fact and he can’t take it, so tries to turn it back on her.

I think he is using the word “gaslighting” wrong.

Likely what he means is, you’re deliberately making me feel X way and then downplaying it/feigning disbelief at his reaction.

So in the theatre, you’re deliberately being OTT/controlling/embarrassing, then when he gets annoyed at being shouted at in public, you’re like “what an earth do you mean?”

With your child, you’ve made an unkind thoughtless and frankly pointless comment (“oh he never trips with me”), as if trying to wind him up. Then when he acts wound up, you are again acting all innocent like he is overreacting.

It’s not what the phrase gaslighting actually means, but what you’re doing is close enough to behaviour that’s commonly described as gaslighting that I get what he means.

Shouting at your child is not good behaviour from him, but we all lose our temper at times. I am curious why you talk to your husband that way.

This used to happen a lot with my ex and DS2 as he used to pull him along super fast. He has a scar on his nose from when he fell once on the way to school.

It's a théâtre not thé Kalahari.

You sound annoying and controlling. Think before you speak?

This feels so petty but I sense there's a deeper communication problem.

If I was feeling a bit stroppy ( he sounded stroppy during walk with DS), then someone saying ' he doesn't do it with me' would really piss me off.

Best thing to say is - DH can you please stop having a go at him like that. Shall I walk with him?

Then I'd be saying - what's up? You seem really annoyed.

The shouting in the theatre. It depends. I have a sibling that is genuinely an abusive gaslighter. He would consistently speak to me like an idiot, shout all the time and belittle. I had to cut him off. You need to just check you aren't doing this. If you were a guy you'd be getting ripped a new one. I can't tell enough from here. Tone and intent are everything and we can't read that from this.

And never seen each other again?

He shouldn't have blown up at you but 'he doesn't do that with me' would get my back up a bit. But he is unreasonable to shout at either you or your DS so he doesn't sound like a pleasant man

But you wouldn't get lost. You are either heading to the seats so will sit together or heading to the exit in which case you meet at the exit.

I'd be cross if someone was yelling my name really loud in public as if I'd done something wrong when they could just wait until we got to the destination to meet up. It was a theatre. You weren't going to get lost if separated.