I never feel "special"

I agree with previous poster - you don’t know what kind of conversations or money they have to get these u solicited thoughtful gifts.

you will get the same gifts if you don’t very calmly and politely tell him what you do or don’t want.

the gifts you’ve got sound lovely to me as a woman but I don’t know a man who actually cares about the engraved hip flask or scratch off poster - do you know he thinks these things are thoughtful?

This is why there are so many divorces & women initiate most.

That's what I though when I was reading about her friend's diamond "eternity" ring 😆

This, above, all of it.

I know we are all different, so what works for one person wouldn't work for the next. But in my situation (husband who works very hard & earns more than me even though I too work had + no kids) where I have a very close watch on his money and mine, he could buy me the moon on a stick & I'd stick feel deflated knowing how much of his money he had spent on it, knowing that his money and my money has always been seen as "our" money.

This is why gifts from friends and other people are so much more precious to me than anything my husband can buy me - and anyway, if there was anything I wanted, I'd buy it as and when I wanted it. My husband continually works hard to provide for us both, and he loves me. He does all of this every day. It is worth much more than any material things. Maybe you will appreciate this more when you've been together a lot longer and grown up a bit even closer as a married couple. I don't envy people who have to express their "love" to a life partner with "things" in the way you mention your friends do.

Know that your friends who get this special treatment are the exception not the norm. I don’t know anybody who gets random flowers from their DHs or whisked away for a surprise weekend away.

I would also be texting a list as per your suggestion- “these are ten things I’d like for Christmas, pick whichever you like. Please don’t get me something not on the list - I really do not need any more Primark fluffy socks or skin masks I’m allergic to…!”

Haha! Yep, seen this a few times!

He doesn't want to do the gift list thing because (a) he gets decent presents anyway and (b) it would cost him money. Give him your list and tell him to shove his shitty socks and face masks up his tight arse.

Honestly I would rather be in other someone who treats me like well daily than treats me badly and buys apologetic presents

Basically you have different love languages - yours sounds like gifts his may be something else- explain this to him

The only men I know who shower their partners with gifts are because their cheating or abusive most average men in happy comfortable relationships don't do things like this for no reason

I don’t get it …hiya love I’ve cheated on you but here’s a new dishwasher in case you find out 😂 … as if someone’s going to say “well he did buy me a new kitchen”

I had an ex who bought me the most lovely and imaginative presents. Unfortunately he was a complete shit the rest of the time. My current partner is rubbish at presents but a brilliant partner and father. Kind and considerate. Sometimes it’s best to appreciate what you do have instead of looking at what you don’t.

Comparison is the thief of joy.
all those gifts your friends get sound great but it doesent mean their life or relationship is perfect.

I know a woman who got a new kitchen in her house that way...

I feel like I put in effort and get nothing back other than cheap face masks and fluffy primark socks

The thing that strikes me about those presents is just how cheap they are. What's he like with money generally? I wonder if his idea of ruining Christmas is that he might have to spend more than a fiver on you?

@nothingspecialc You just need to be straight with him and tell him you’re not getting use out of the presents because they are not your style.

Tell him you’re making a list (don’t ask) and he can choose from that. You need to be more upfront.

You are special OP. But you should never rely on others to give you that feeling of self worth. It needs to come from within.

Sorry you're feeling a bit rubbish.

Being a SAHM or on maternity leave is a difficult time. For me, I didn't really know where my place was and missed the validation I previously got through work.

Could you just suggest a weekend away? Does it have to be a surprise?? I've had many friends who posted on SM about the 'surprise' trip their partner has booked for them, when I know it's complete nonsense because they told me when they were planning it.

You could try telling him.

It might not help, however. Dh is the same. I know if I told him how I felt I'd end up with some crazy expensive gift that I still don't like but I'd have to appear grateful for it because he really tried. Some people are just shit at choosing gifts

You have no idea how other families work.

I appear to have been "whisked off" for a 5* trip to Europe for a big birthday recently. In reality, I planned it and booked it all myself.

DH excelled himself with thoughtful gifts for our first Christmas together but has since fallen back on vouchers or asks me what I want and I tell him. Can't remember the last time he sent me flowers! I know he loves me though.

I understand you feel unappreciated but I think you're going to have to have a chat and let him know.

@nothingspecialc Mum has a saying :''Never trust a gift bearing man''

A man {husband} who does something like this when it's not a birthday or Christmas usually has something to hide, a salve to a guilty conscience because he has been off shagging and needs to appease his guilt.

One friend recently got given a beautiful eternity ring, absolutely stunning, diamonds, sparkly, just really really gorgeous. Another friends birthday, her DH booked them a trip to Germany for Christmas market in a 5 hotel with a massage and mani/pedi booked for her. Another friend gets random bunches of flowers delivered every couple of months from her DH with a note saying he loves/appreciates her*

Did you ever stop and think that these women may have told their husbands that these are things that they really want? Pointed out the style of ring they'd like to get "someday"? Said they'd be over the moon to stay in a luxury hotel?

And hats off to them for letting their partners know what they want! Stop being jealous and start communicating your needs a bit better.

I know lots of couples who did the big, expensive, public gift thing and their relationships later tanked.

The happiest couples I know do little things for each other every day. Listening to each other talk about their day. Taking turns making dinner. Running an errand for a relative because the other’s too busy. Etc etc.

What does he do for you on a daily/weekly basis to show he cares for your wellbeing? And working doesn’t count. He’d still have a job to earn money if he wasn’t with you.

Someone else has said it up thread but comparison is absolutely the thief of joy.

My DH is a shocker with gifts. He hates buying them, hates trying to think or second guess what I like. In the 20 years we have been together he’s never once got me a gift I’ve truly loved. But I don’t think that means he can’t make me feel special in other ways.

Does your DH make you feel loved and special without the gifts?

If he does- then you’re going to need to just come to terms with the fact he isn’t going to be like your friends husbands but he loves you and demonstrates it differently.

If he doesn’t then that’s a bigger issue and you need to talk to him.

He doesn't sound awful - the necklace with two hearts was a solid effort even though you didn't like it.

I think you need to be clearer about gifts, as in "I know you think it spoils Christmas but...I think bad gifts spoil Christmas so let me help you out. These are things I would actually like and enjoy. Don't you think I deserve that?"

I know you think your gift was perfect but honestly if someone gave me a "mummy and daughter" list of "adventures" to do and then cross off the list, I wouldn't see that as a generous gift so much as a to do list.

You may have to accept that being "whisked off to a 5 star hotel" is not going to happen. But you can sit him down and plan a family holiday to the destination and hotel you really want to go to. That is what most people settle for if we're talking real life.

Either divorce your husband or accept that this is what living in the real world is like? I’d like to he whisked off to 5* hotel as well but have other priorities right now. Me and DH aren’t even doing presents for each other this year as we’re prioritising our DD