Xmas meal

Epipen = risk of anaphylaxis = potential for a fatal reaction.

You absolutely should have a row with him about it. Christ.

Wildly rude and dangerous.

My DD has epipens for a peanut allergy. We're pretty relaxed about may contains etc, but a home kitchen in Christmas Day would be a cross contamination nightmare.

Seriously??

I agree with what you're saying but this little girl's own parents literally do not give a shit!

The OP says "DH thinks it's rude of them to have it as the main - am less bothered."

And they both have a disgustingly cavalier attitude towards their daughter's safety.

@Georgyporky

Dangerous misinformation. Any anaphylactic allergy is equally as dangerous.

Sadly, more children die from milk anaphylaxis than nut in the UK each year.

I sort of see it both ways.

My DS is anaphylactic to dairy, so almost every meal time he sits down and there's something on the table he's allergic to.

This Xmas, there'll be cheesy cauliflower and one of the stuffings has got milk.

Two desserts; vegan cream and pudding, dairy cream and Xmas cake.

There will be chocolates all around.

He's at very little to no risk as we're all aware and manage the cross contamination. It's not at all difficult.

Having said the above, nuts are far easier to avoid. If he only had a nut allergy (he does have a cashew and hazelnut one actually!) I'd probably be a bit put out at the choice of main being a nut roast. There are so many other options, so just no need.

I think your family are being awful. I assume they would be fine if someone served them meat - they might just not be bothered about preferences?!

Dreadful behaviour by your brother.

So what if your DH and Dd can ‘just not eat it’: it’s the main event if a shared family feast ! Rude doesn’t cover it.

And what if a serving spoon crosses over?

And your parents’ attitude is shit too, about having nuts when you visit.

If I was your DH I’d tell you, your parents and your brother to shove it.

Shocking.

Yeah, it's not the lack of nut free main course that's the problem here, it's the fact that OP doesn't seem bothered about her childs life being put at risk.

Even if they bring their own food the child is still exposed to something that can easily kill her. On everything the nut eaters touch, the air, utensils.
Anyone who didn't want to risk their kids death would obviously not attend.

Take your own pre cooked main that both like.

Your brother is BU.

But you? Your attitude towards allergies in people you presumably love, sucks as much as it blows.

If I were your DH I'd stay home and let you go alone

I think this is a reverse op can't be serious !

It’s rude. My bil used to do similar when we ate out and insist on ordering the nuttiest thing on the menu. Different story when he had his own dc with allergies.

tbh, as a “cavalier” lived experience person, I wouldn’t worry hugely about cross contamination from a nut roast, although a nut allergic person will probably find the smell of it cooking vomit inducing, but I’d be pissed of that my child, and by extension me, would have to spend the whole day watching and thinking and generally worrying about it. Is that knife ok? There is something on the potato, could that be nut roast? Is it over the worktop and the bin lid? Does my kid feel sick from eating too many sweets or has she had some nuts?
I just couldn’t be arsed with it. They don’t want you there and I wouldn’t want to go.

‘Thanks brother - but risk of cross contamination is too great. - we’ll have to decline the invitation.’

up to brother them if they chose to change the menu

but no way on Earth would I put my family at unnecessary risk

If they insist having nut roast then stay home.

You’re all knob ends tbh.

Ok so if they EAT nuts then they need an epipen but what about being in the same room as nuts? Is that OK?

If they only react to ingesting nuts then I can't see the issue as long as it's made clear that they don't eat it.

Wtf is wrong with you? Your brother is also a complete idiot.

Very weird to serve a nut roast at a dinner you have invited people with life threatening nut allergies to.

Reported.

It's not 'rude' - it's insane.

If you deliberately expose your DD to a known allergen then you're so ridiculously neglectful that I struggle to believe this is real.

Is this post a joke, or a veggie baiting post, because J just can’t find the words for how irresponsible to have nuts around a daughter with a serious nut allergy

I have a friend with a severe, potentially fatal food allergy and I am INCREDIBLY careful to make sure there is no risk of contamination: I deep clean my kitchen and all my utensils before I cook for her, I wouldn't even dream of serving the allergen on the same table!

#TeamDH here, for sure.

Nope, I wouldn’t be going. It’s just not worth the risk. Especially on Christmas when medical care may be overstretched.

I’m finding this difficult to believe.

My DN has a severe nut allergy, they have to take an EpiPen everywhere they go.

If I know they are visiting the next day, and we have been eating nuts (which is quite often as one DC is vegan) I clean every surface, all the soft furnishings and make sure rooms are well ventilated.

The idea of having nuts on the table where there’s such a high risk of cross contamination is insane. I wouldn’t go.