To think they should tell us where the will is

Much as people don't want to be reminded of their own mortality, the "Will" discussion really has to be had at some point - even if it is only to be told that the Will is with Bloggs & Bloggs solicitors. If the parents don't want to discuss the details, then what's in the Will is something that only comes to light after the event.

Being of an age where I've had to deal with the death of both of my parents and both of my parents in-law, as have many of my friends, I can only add that there is one thing that is worse than not knowing where the Will might be (and who the Executor is) - and that is discovering after many weeks of fruitless and frustrating searching that there is no Will to be found.

In the OP's situation (or rather, in her husband's shoes) I'd be concerned that the parents' reluctance to tell them the location of their Wills is actually covering the possibility that they have not actually got round to writing their Wills. In addition there is the possibly that, in common with many women of the post-war generation, the wife has no idea at all about the family finances, or where the house deeds, Will and other legal documents are, so when the husband dies, nobody has a clue where to start looking. I've seen and heard about this enough times to believe that it is a very common, very time-consuming and very distressing scenario.

The executors should have been asked and ideally would have a copy of the will

I understood that an Executor would have to have agreed to do the (terrible) job. That is what has always happened in my family. So your dh would know.
There will be a copy of their will with their solicitor, surely? And perhaps, like we have, solicitor has been appointed to execute the will.

My daughters know exactly where my will is and all the details of my funeral service and party afterwards. It's only fair, I think

No, you dont need to ask, but as I understand it, the named executor can refuse that role when the time comes.

They’re different people with different priorities. I don’t think you’re entitled to make someone talk about something they don’t want to talk about in order to make your life after their deaths easier. Even if your parents did.

It would, yes, but then you get folk chiming in with "But they promised me ..."
TBF that happens anyway, but at least with a will it's easier to rebut it

And yes, @WallaceinAnderland, as already mentioned it's advisable - not to mention good manners - to ask if someone's prepared to be an executor, but it doesn't stop some just plonking a name down and hoping for the best

Definitely practical to tell family where your will is and yes make one!!

I'm 34 and both my parents, my husband and my eldest child (wee one will be told in time but she's 3 so not a pressing priority at present) know if anything happens to me to "ring Cottons & Co"

No big deal. Some people are weird.

Can’t understand it either but it they are being funny about it and no registered will is found then inheritance would just go to next of kin wouldn’t it?

But any inheritance would go to your dad if they were married or split between the children wouldn’t it? The default if there isn’t a registered will?

Surely you need to ask someone if they will be executor? Not everyone wants the responsibility.

I'm with you, OP. I don't understand why parents wouldn't tell their children where the will can be found/who the executor is. I think asking what's in the will is a step too far, but I accept some families are more open about financial matters.

Only if it has been registered. My mum died over a year ago and no sign of it on .gov website.

My dad told me for 40 years his will was held by his solicitor and that solicitor was exec. 3 way split between his children and if mum outlived him sort of an undiscussed assumption I would look after her. I am the sensible one in the family.
Huge argument between him and my sister 2021 where he said everything left to my brother. Massive drama for me to calm down, dad reiterated that nothing had changed, he didn't remember saying it to sister [he has lots of form for lying]
After COVID and a long hospital admission for dad age 94 it was probably time we had a chat about their wishes, paperwork, utilities, pensions etc as my mum wasn't capable of sorting anything. Long story short dad and siblings been lying since 2010 when his solicitor retired and he made siblings execs and they knew. Gotta say it was massive shock. Once caught out there was much tears and hand wringing, he said I was an exec but forgot to tell me. I know he is lying. My mum died and siblings didn't help him. Tbh it was a blessing as I was able to emotionally disengage. It's not about what is in the will, it is the lying and the fact that it will be a shit show when the time comes.
Mine and husband will are straight forward and my nieces will inherit my estate and they are execs and have all the paperwork, my mum was horrified I hadn't left her my fabulous jewelry collection! So a clause that if I go first she can pick 3 pieces. Secrecy usually= dishonesty.

That's an attitude which will potentially make ait of things difficult in the future unfortunately.

We have POAs in place and know where things are for my parents, but my FIL died earlier this year, DH was under the impression he'd written a will, but no-one has been able to track it down, so that's made dealing with his (relatively small) estate much more complicated.

Having spent a week searching for a will, then spent time contacting local solicitors to try and find a will, for someone who it turns out died intestate, you are very sensible to ask where the will is. It is a complete pain searching for one and even more of a pain if you can't find it.

Keeping details of the contents private is absolutely appropriate and normal but they should at least tell someone where it is.

If a will is lodged with a solicitor, there will always be a copy indoors.

My mother is very much "its private" about everything but even she agreed that my sister and I need to know where their wills are (lodged with their solicitor).

Seems daft not to say where it is, it just makes life harder at a time when things are already going to be tough.

I wouldn’t be that concerned, as I recall, if there is no will then the estate passes to next of kin which would be the spouse then the children. If there is a will, you can search for it on the National Will Register.

I'm an executor of my parents will and have a copy. My siblings all know what is in it. Is it possible that they don't want to discuss it because they have chosen a different sibling to be an executor and don't want the awkward conversation? They might not feel the need to discuss it further if it's all in hand.

I agree with that. But the son is also an adult and if he's executor he should know, have the option to decline that if he wishes, or say yes but only if I know where the paperwork is so I don't have to turn the house upside down when I'll be grieving.

I've given both Dds copies of my Will as well as the Executor. Can't understand people making things difficult after their death.

Fair enough!