Mother in law thinks formula is poison

I'm not a fan of formula milk if the mother hasn't at least tried to breastfeed (excluding medical conditions) but it's not my business to dictate what other women do.

Why on earth are you pretending to breastfeed? That's just as pathetic as her going on about how you feed your baby.

Pull yourself together and tell her that you'll feed your baby what you want and she can leave if she doesn't like it. Her loss.

Mothers can't win, can we?

Just to say in response that I EBF my son for 6 months, and am still B-feeding him now (19 months) and he has eczema, an allergy and has had colds non-stop this winter. Breastfeeding is not an elixir for baby health.

To the OP, please don't hide away. She has no right to make you feel uncomfortable. This is your child, not hers.

Not to give your MIL too much sympathy - as no one should be making you feel like this - but I think it can be hard to be a MIL when there's a baby. I got a lot of advice from my mother, but I really didn't like getting unwarranted advice at all from my MIL (who is lovely) - it just felt like she was judging me, even if she wasn't.

Of course don't sneak around.
You and your DH are grown adults and parents to multiple DC. Your MIL can disagree with your choices all she likes but she doesn't get to make them for you.

Is she visiting you or are you visiting her?

In your shoes I would just be up front about it if you are expecting her to criticise you. Get it out of the way. Let her express her opinion and then say "thanks but we didn't ask and this is what we have decided to do".

She is overstepping if she continues criticising you.

How bizarre you'd even consider 'sneak feeding'. It's ridiculous. She has no right to voice her opinion on the subject and if she does, firmly, politely, assertively tell her it's your choice. And you will not be discussing it with her whatsoever. If she carries on, stick to your guns and leave.

Your husband needs to be telling her to butt out as well. No idea why he has such a lack of back bone to fail to defend your mutual parenting decisions. Not that he should have to.

Just tell her to mind her own business , and being 70+ has nothing to do with it , my mum formula fed all of us and we were born in the 60s .

Your MIL is ridiculous. If anything, shouldn’t she be happy that she can help feed her grandchild? My mother have the first ever feed to my baby (as my gran did to me) and it was a lovely experience.
No way should you hide anything. Park baby in DH lap and say loudly, I will go and get the bottle. And a glass of wine for me while I am at it! (You deserve one)

I’ve breastfed for years and love it. I still think formula is life saving medicine for babies and it’s literally no one’s business how you feed your baby. Tell DH to tell her to be supportive or dont come.

Rip the band aid off otherwise it’s going to cause nerves each time. She’s entitled to her opinion (even if it’s wrong), yes breastfeeding is scientifically better but formula isn’t poison. If she starts just agree to disagree.

Don’t sneak around. There’s nothing shameful about formula feeding.

One negative comment and tell her she must leave.

Just feed your baby in what way is normal for you. Hiding formula is just silly.

I had the opposite my MIL didn't like the idea of breastfeeding. She would to ask me to leave the room if I was feeding (at her house). I was more than happy to go upstairs and feed my babies in a calm environment.
It was amazing how often baby needed breastfeeding on demand at her house!

Feed your baby and ignore any disapproval.
DH can forget his sneaky ideas of hiding formula.

Oh my god my mum is like this! I tried and tried to breastfeed and we just couldn't get it. So I expressed for 6 months and honestly it was terrible, I'd never do it again. She blamed everything from colds, excema, allergies etc etc to the fact I was formula feeding. I wouldn't hide it from her, and every time she mentions anything just say "breastfeeding wasn't for us"
"Formula is fine for babies"
"Fed is best"
I wouldn't even get into a debate with her tbh. Good luck!!

Oh my god my mum is like this! I tried and tried to breastfeed and we just couldn't get it. So I expressed for 6 months and honestly it was terrible, I'd never do it again. She blamed everything from colds, excema, allergies etc etc to the fact I was formula feeding. I wouldn't hide it from her, and every time she mentions anything just say "breastfeeding wasn't for us"
"Formula is fine for babies"
"Fed is best"
I wouldn't even get into a debate with her tbh. Good luck!!

Honestly you and your husband sound like a couple of teenagers.

Stand up to her.

How and why do grown up adults allow their lives to be dictated by others.

Do NOT sneak around as though you are ashamed and embarassed. This is your baby, not hers and and it is entirely your and your DH's decision how to feed your baby. It is absolutely none of her business. Feed your baby how you want and if she makes rude or judgemental comments, make it clear that if she does this, you will stop seeing her.

Both your children have had the advantages of being EBF for 12 weeks and 7 weeks respectively and your baby is still having breast mild as well as formula. Your needs and wellbeing are equally important.

I would be very bet firm that there will bed no sneaking

The child (your H) needs to start the umbilical cord

Don't start trying to appease her nonsense, if you do it will only get worse, and she will expect to be be able to say what school the child should go to etc etc

I put firm boundaries in very early with my MIL, she is a very strong personality with strong opinions (eg any children in the family should go to private school), my kids are adults now, I did things my and DH way (eg state school) , and I have a really fab relationship with her, as equals. Sadly she bosses my SILs s bit as their DHs are all about appeasing mum

But I needed my DH on board with that, from the beginning, and have my back

Talk to your DH

Sneaking around shows a lack in maturity on his part

YES!

I think you need to re read your own post.

A family member is a) making you feel uncomfortable in your own home b) telling you how to feed your baby c) not considering your feelings.

Your husband needs to shut this down. A simple ' we don't want advice about feeding' on repeat.

I absolutely have no idea why people insist on telling others what they should be doing.

Enjoy your baby and don't ever let anyone make you feel uncomfortable in your own home.

God lord I wouldn't even bother going!

If she can't be supportive, she doesn't get to see yous.

She can meet your husband and discuss what he eats if she wants. I'm sure he eats only organic etc. Or is he still on the boob?

A fed baby with a mentally well mum are blessings. And she's not entitled to yous.

My MIL was the opposite though - quite anti bf. I think it stemmed from her eldest two being adopted as babies, and obviously she couldn’t bf them - then my exh has a severe tongue tie which you can still see today - but he won’t admit it!

This! And I breastfed my daughter till she was 6, she never had formula at all - but I don't use that as an excuse to judge any parent or the decisions they made for their family.

You're not doing anything that needs to be hidden or lied about - if I were you, I'd try to get your DH on board with that opinion.

No sneaking, no hiding and if she mentions it just cut the conversation short. "I'm well aware of your opinion, however it's mine and DHs decision and we're happy with using formula. I won't be discussing this with you again." then just "No, as I said, I won't be discussing this with you." Move on and do not engage past that. She'll either give up or it will be a quiet visit with very little conversation.

Don’t sneak around - be open about it. DH’s job is to 100% have your back and squash any remarks immediately. He also needs to be the one feeding the baby in front of them some of the time.

I mean how convenient his plan would involve you doing all the feeding by pretending to bf.

I combi fed my second too - partly because he started off with tongue tie and it was needed at that point, but even after it was snipped we carried on with a bit of combo so that exh could do some feeds, and I could spend time with DC1 more easily.

DC1 had to go on to high calorie formula from about 3 months as she was unwell.

This. None of her business. I'd tell her once that it's your baby and you will choose to feed them how you see fit. If she pushed the issue, I'd be inviting her to leave your house. Under no circumstances would I be hiding in my own house.

She’s mad