Mother in law thinks formula is poison

I will come too.
I FF and am generally known as "feisty" so nobody dared to comment (apart from 1 complete stranger who regretted it pretty quickly) BUT i have friends and family who had a hard time because of their decision.
No sneaking OP and its time your DH stood up to his Mummy

Yeah just own it. It's not really her business how you feed your children. You already know her opinion, so she doesn't have to keep telling you and if she does it's just criticism for the sake of wearing you down. Just tell her you aren't interested in hearing it.

Anyway your baby is being breastfed, just not exclusively, so she should be happy enough with that.

You feed your baby as you want and if she makes a rude / unpleasant comment then you tell her to leave.

simple. She doesn’t get to be rude and unpleasant with zero consequences

Her age has nothing to do with her attitude, if it wasn’t this I’m sure she would find something else to ‘give opinion’ about.
My grandmother was older than that and loved being able to feed her great grandchild.
Do not sneak around and hide away. Formula is nothing to be ashamed off.
Without formula DD would have died of starvation. She was unable to feed and expressing didn’t work.

Your DH should be standing up to his mother and protecting you.

I agree with this really. I formula fed my DC and there’s no way I would be sneaking about or trying to justify my decisions to people who are hostile to FF. Luckily nobody I know would have been rude enough to criticise me but if they had done they would have been given short shrift. I’m sorry you’re being treated this way OP.

DH suggested we just sneak around hiding formula and making it upstairs out of view pretending I am feeding up there

Good god, your DH needs to grow up and tell his mother to keep her nose out of your business. He should be supporting you, not suggesting that you sneak around to appease his mother. If his mother can't keep her unwelcome opinions to herself, then he should be telling her to leave.

It makes me so mad when other judge mothers on how they feed their babies. It's great if you can breast feed but formula also makes you a mother with a 'fed' baby.

Lots of good advice about standing up to your MIL but on a practical basis, perhaps try the prepared formula in the small cartons. For a few days over Christmas it will save an awful lot of faffing around.

It’s not old fashioned to be pro breastfeeding.

That aside, don’t hide it like it’s something you are ashamed of. Just get on and feed your baby in the way you have chosen and if she criticises tell her it’s none of her business.

You don’t need a list of excuses, you need to learn how to assert yourself.

You should not feel the need to hide any of your parenting choices .
You are a responsible, loving experienced parent. This is how you care for your family.

This is your DH’s issue to deal with and I would tell him I will not be made to feel I have to hide my parenting as if I was an abuser.

And if he won’t, I would.

“This is the decision we (WE) have made and we are happy with it. I understand you have a different opinion, which is fine, but you have explained it now and we don’t need to have the conversation again “

If she carries on, I would actually leave, if at her house.

If she is at yours I would say “it doesn’t sit right with me to be judged and criticised in my own home so feel free to go home if you insist on continuing this conversation “

Ask your DH to step up!

I think there are 3 responses if she mentions anything...

1. Yes we're combi feeding, would you like to give baby a feed?

1. Yes we're combi feeding. I know you might not agree but please respect our decision as baby's parents.

1. MiL, get fucked.

You can choose one as appropriate for your relationship.

Why would you sneak around while she "makes no secret"?

Who made her the boss?

Definitely do not lie and hide it. Your baby, your choice!
If she starts tell her you won't be discussing this. If she continues then tell her she will need to leave.

I would not respond or engage with any conversation about it. Any comments met with silence and internal reminder to yourself she is rude rather than feeling criticised. Easiest for a quiet life, but if it does upset you definitely speak up or leave.

What a weird situation. What are you scared of?

You don't need to justify your feeding decisions to anyone.

Your husband needs to step in....tell his mother and sister that this the decision to have made that's right for you as a family and if they can't keep their opinions to themselves you will have to give visiting them a miss this year.

Former breastfeeding support worker here.

Do not give yourself permission to feel ashamed or embarrassed about your choices. If bottle feeding is working for you, then let MIL know that.

I used to work in breastfeeding support not to force breastfeeding on anyone, but to support mothers to do what was right for them. You're happy with your choices. Enjoy your baby.

Over the coming years people with have opinions on what you feed your child, how you dress them, whether you sleep train or not, what nursery or school you choose. The list goes on. If you let people get inside your head now there will be no end to it.

There is rarely one way of doing anything. But there's usually a good choice for you and your family. Just ensure you and DH put on a united front of "this works best for us"

I had the opposite problem with my DM and MIL, but the same solution applies: it isn't their business. You do what works for you and your baby, end of story.

Husband needs to call her up and tell her the baby is being fed as you and he see fit. End of. "Mum, if you say ANYTHING about how our baby is fed, or how breastfeeding is best (in your opinion), or how formula is bad for babies, we will pack up and leave immediately and never visit you again. You need to take this on board now. Because we're done tiptoeing around you on this issue."

This Is not on. This has nothing to do with your MIL. You don’t have bow down to her and her backward Victorian mentality. You are a grown woman, and it’s your decision how you feed your baby. I would point blank refuse to see her until she agrees to keep her nonsense beliefs to herself.

"Mildred, the way we choose to feed our baby is not open for discussion. You are entitled to feel strongly about this but please keep it to yourself. " change topic. Repeat ad infinitum until she gets the message.

The real issue here though is why the actual fuck your dh is suggesting you sneak around and lie and hide it instead of calling his interfering mother out and shutting it down? He needs to step up and have your back instead of pandering to her.

I ebf and I think you'd need to be pretty ill informed to think formula is the devil. It's the reason why many babies and mothers have survived over the years and it's a perfectly acceptable alternative if someone cannot or chooses not to breastfeed. Plus combi feeding is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding does not only look like a baby latched to the breast for every feed it looks like pumping and expressing/ combi feeding/triple feeding/ feeding with shields/exclusive pumping etc etc etc.

Tell her when she has her next baby not to feed him or her formula but right now you will do what’s best for your family.

I would not be hiding it, and your DH needs to grow a pair and tell his mother to butt out if she starts with the comments

a happy baby is a fed baby either breast milk or formula

If she starts it oh mil we do whats best for us all, please stop and if she carries on her bags would be packed and she would be sent home never to be invited again

I’d ask DH to phone her in advance and tell her the situation and that you, the mother of his child, have is full support and he won’t tolerate any criticism of you at all, at this vulnerable time in your lives. If he’s not able to do that, I’d keep any interactions very brief, no overnight.