Mother in law thinks formula is poison

Because its still good for baby to have breast milk

But why should she lie? She’s a grown woman and not a naughty child who has done something wrong. Her MIL needs to get a firm grip.

That’s as much your business as it is MiL’s, ie not at all.

Why bother breast feeding at all if you want to use formula?
If you can breast feed, why bother with manufacturers mixes?

Do NOT go!!!! You know it's going to end in tears, most likely your own.

Just to reassure you, when baby DD was seeing her consultant (Professor) and I mentioned that I'd had to change to formula due to my (essential) medication, he said to me that modern formula such as Aptamil Gold for example, is in many ways, more advanced than breast milk.
Unless the mother is living on a diet containing nothing besides mountains of fresh fish, tonnes of seeds and raw veg etc. Plus formula these days contain added DHA & ARA for immunity, omega 3 oils, ProBiotics and Iron alongside all the vitamins & minerals they need.

Whereas breastmilk, although it contains the mother's immunity, as far as nutrients are concerned it only contains a reflection of the mother's diet and most adults in the UK are deficient in many vitamins, especially vitamin D. He also said that any supplements a mother takes don't usually cross into breastmilk which I was surprised at.

I'm sure I'll get replies declaring this to be 'nonsense' but I'll take the highly well regarded Professor's word for it on this occasion.

Your DH needs to stand up to his mother and sister. He tells them any criticism or negativity about how your children are fed and you will all leave. Don’t skulk about making feeds, do it openly, she wants to see you being scared of her.
I don’t get these women at all. We’ve had our children, we chose how to feed them. Grandchildren don’t belong to us, we’re guests in their lives, not dictators.

‘This is the decision i/we have made as parents, and we won’t be discussing it further’

Repeat as necessary.

Your DH needs to tell her straight. Your baby is yours and his and you will feed her as you see fit. It is none of her business how your baby is fed as long as she is thriving.

I breastfed until 6 months and it was tough going. In the end even my DF said it just had to stop.

I was only formula fed and that was a lifetime ago when formula wasn't as good but the important thing was I was fed.

The formulas now are fabulous and mimic breast milk.

Really hate people who have such wild and loud opinions on what is essentially none of their business. Don’t hide it though- it is your choice and if people feel differently just remind them of that fact. I went through it all with ff my ds but he just couldn’t bf no matter how hard I tried and manually expressing when he slept and not sleeping myself was not working. I got the comments initially but eventually they just learnt to accept my choice. But it really annoys me people feeling free to comment on things they have no right to.

She’s very rude. I am very pro breast feeding, and am happy to provide support to anyone who asks for it.

If you were my DIL I would not say a word about YOUR choices on how you use YOUR body to feed YOUR baby.

Don’t sneak around her, she’s a bully who needs to be told her opinion is not wanted. If she’s huffing and puffing just leave.

Supportive would be telling his mother to butt out as it's not her child. You are doing what is best for you and YOUR child so if she tuts and rolls her eyes or makes any comments then your husband should be telling her if she can't keep her opinion on BF/FF to herself when it has nothing to do with her then she should leave.

No way should he even have suggested sneaking around, hiding it and making it upstairs so she thinks you're BF.

If you are going to formula feed then that’s your choice. It’s not MIL’s choice. And ultimately when it comes to your breasts it’s not even your DH’s choice.

You’ve made a choice, as an adult and as a parent and you will come across people who don’t agree with what you’re doing forever more. So practice whatever phrases you want to repeat.

My MIL doesn’t like that I breastfeed and asked a few times when I would stop. She looks away if I do it. Not that any boob is on show anyway.

Another poster (sorry can’t remember name) said she and her first child got their first feed from their grandmothers. That elicited a visceral reaction in me. I didn’t want anyone else to feed my baby when so young and if you don’t want to you don’t ‘have’ to let others feed your child just because you’re formula feeding. Especially not someone who is looking down on you for doing so.

You don't need to do anything . Your husband needs to talk to them both and support you .
This is one of those things that further down the line will cause resentment.

This is great! DH also needs to be prepared to pick her up on any non-verbals, e.g. disapproving looks. It is none of her business how you feed your baby.

I wouldn't be staying with her or seeing her

Do whatever you want but don't expect free childcare

I think your DH should have an honest conversation with her, preferably before you visit. And the conversation should include that he fully supports you, that he actually suggested it, AND definitely that if she behaves badly about it that you will be packing up and leaving.

She can feel however she wants about formula. She cannot attempt to make you feel bad about what works best for you.

I agree with this. Have DH phone her beforehand & lay out the rules.
"Mum, we are feeding DC2 in the ways that work best for our family. I will no tolerate any negative comments about our choices to either myself or my wife. If I hear one word out of you or sister then we will be leaving immediately and you will not see DC2 until they are on solids or you can behave."

Then follow through.

No, op doesn't have to lie, there is absolutely no shame in formula feeding. This just perpetuates the misconception that there should be.

This sounds good. I'd be tempted to truncate it a little more with every repetition, till you're down to "shut up, Gladioli." The OP can, of course, use stronger language if she prefers.😁

You're a generation out, I think with the watered down tinned milk. I have 70+ year old friends who would never have done such a thing. I think you must be thinking pre-war. Could be wrong, obviously
With formula, I think one should do what suits mum and baby best. My DD was very early and formula fed a bit as well as boob. It makes life so much simpler if the baby will take both.

Can you make some up in bottles in advance? If she asks, just say its expressed milk?

She's entitled to her opinions and to have made feeding decisions for her own children when they were at that stage, but not yours.
I agree with those who have said that your husband needs to speak to her beforehand. I'd go for something like "Mum, we know your views on feeding but our baby is being mixed fed. We've got our reasons, we're happy with the decision and nothing is going to change that so please let's not spoil Christmas by making an issue over it pointlessly."
I definitely wouldn't try to hide anything - that just makes it look like you're ashamed and will encourage her behaviour.
I do have some sympathy with her if she doesn't want to feed the baby herself though. I've never given a baby a bottle or made up formula and am somewhat out of practice with newborns so I would be anxious about doing something wrong and would prefer to leave it to the parents.

Are your DC healthy and thriving? That is all that matters, FED is best whether that's from a boob or a bottle! I wouldn't sneak around and I wouldn't be slow in telling her to fuck off if she starts any nonsense!

I’d get DH to phone her beforehand and say the baby is combi fed, we know your opinion on formula, wife is sensitive about it and keep your mouth shut or we’ll be walking straight back out the door again! (Politeness variable)

Sneaking about is madness. It implies you’re ashamed.

We all have our reasons for how we feed our babies, but many women find bf challenging for various different reasons (and some just don’t want to and that’s fine too). The most important thing is that the baby and mother are healthy and happy.