Mother in law thinks formula is poison

Definitely don’t sneak around. If she says anything at all it’s your husband’s job to say ‘we’re happy with our decision and there is no need to discuss it’, and nauseam until she winds her neck in.

I could see you were trying to help. Formula is a faff. I did it for a bit due to allergies. Glad back to EBF

Why do I think this was useful? Because I was in virtually the same position as you with the mixed feeding (except for that I was trying to pump, breast and bottle feed every two hours as a single mother to a baby with reflux and colic and didn’t have a DH to help) and was trying to show sympathy and that it can get easier. I had a lot a support from Mumsnet to try to make my life easier by encouraging me to push through to EBF so I wouldn’t have the extra work , even though I thought I should mix feed - and I appreciated their help. I was trying to help you by (lightheartedly) telling you what worked for me and making a joke of that awful time now I’m finally past it and that eventually you will be too.

And I don’t see how awful I was being by saying that your MIL is wrong to criticise you as different things are right for different people. But next time I won’t bother - if you are determined to see people in a negative light, I can’t help you 🤷‍♀️ Tbh it now makes me wonder if your MIL really is that awful… or if you are making assumptions about her like you have for me.

Get a perfect prep machine (or 2, I had one upstairs and downstairs) and if he isn’t fussy about bottles, mam bottles are self sterilising in the microwave and so easy to use.

I have formula fed since birth and I’m currently formula feeding twins. It isn’t awful for me at all.

Ignore it. Making and sterilising bottles is hardly onerous. I had a breast refuser who adored a bottle. He slept through the night at four weeks and was the most chilled baby imaginable. Look at all the adults you know and you can’t tell whether they were breast or bottle fed and it doesn’t matter.

YANBU to feed your child however suits you (provided it is safe obvs) and to ignore whatever MIL says. But personally I think you are mad - mixed feeding is a hassle and the worst of both worlds for the parents imo 🤣 You go through all the (sometimes extreme) difficulty of establishing breastfeeding (sore nipples, irregular supply, latch issues, sudden let down etc etc) , only to then have the extra hassle and expense of sterilising bottles, purchasing formula and and always remembering to bring it with you too!

I really really struggled to breastfeed and had to mix feed for the first 6 or 7 weeks. Can’t tell you what a relief it was to finally be able to stop formula feeding and EBF. DS reflux and tummy issues eased a lot (I think breast milk has health benefits up until they are about 2 years old?) and it was so much easier to stick him on the breast if he was hungry when we were out or if he was poorly or overtired - instant comfort for him (in fact I’m currently breastfeeding my 2 and a half year old to sleep as I type - he’s full of cold and miserable so wants the comfort ).

But, again YANBU to do what suits you and your child best - what suits some, isn’t going to suit everybody (as your MIL should be aware).

I’m with your MIL on this, but hopefully I wouldn’t let it show like she does.

As so often in these cases, you have both a DH and an MIL problem.

I wouldn't be going round there, but also I'd tell whatever lie about feeding would piss her off most. The only way to deal with this sort of person is to be belligerent, so be creative. Maybe tell her you persuaded all your friends to stop breastfeeding too, or that baby is fully on solids because your breastmilk isn't enough? You know her, you'll know what would best do the job.

A DH this pathetic will be a harder problem to solve, sadly.

If you feel this is genuinely how mil and sil will carry on do you have to go there? No way would I go and stay there if my husband expected me to sneak around while feeding my baby. I wouldn’t tolerate this at all. And now my own DC are older and I'm well past the baby stage you really do see how utterly ludicrous the whole breast v bottle nonsense is.

Your DH is a proper coward if THIS was his suggestion to lighten your metal load

If he normally quite weak spined?

He needs to tell his mum in a calm and friendly manner to cut out the tutting and judgement

He needs to stand up for you

If he has a spine

But he sounds a bit weak and pathetic here tbh

She could be right tbh. Read about UPFs

but you have to do what you have to do

I can’t believe you’re proposing sneaking around like this.

There is nothing wrong with formula.

And it’s got absolutely fuck all to do with your MIL.

If she even mentioned it I’d shut her down immediately.

Does your DH avoid conflict in every day life or just with his mother?

It's your baby, your house, your family life, no one should be judging or even commenting on your parenting choices.

If mil/sil say anything your DH needs to tell them they are being rude and it's not acceptable.

DH needs to say sometime before the visit,
"Mum you know CC was a bit upset about your comments to her about giving DC1 formula. I'm so proud of her for continuing BF DC2 in spite of all the problems she's had with it, and I thought I'd flag up now that it is being topped up with formula. Please don't comment on it to her, as I don't want her upset again."

OP didn't ask to be questioned on her choices

I agree with this, bye MIL

She sounds awful! Definitely don't hide!!

She's be getting it loud from me.
"I'm so glad I made this choice MIL"
"DH is able to share the load with me and he's so caring with it"
"Baby is so much more settled now"
"We are all so much more peaceful now we've settled into a good feeding routine WITH FORUMLA"
etc etc

@VegTrug just because someone is a professor that doesn't mean he can't be wrong. In this case, he is.

@VegTrug that professor is stuck in the 80s when this was a common view. Science has moved on. This is complete nonsense.

This. I wouldn't leave it until you see her as you don't want an argument on the day. And she needs to know that if she starts being judgy, you will walk out.

There are many reasons people might combi feed.

For example, my DC was primarily breastfed but had some formula. Those formula feeds meant DH could take DC out and I could sleep for a few hours at a time and not feel like I was going to die from exhaustion. They helped a lot. DC needed a lot of milk, and I physically couldn't express or stay awake without sleep enough to meet that need 100% of the time.

Sorry but that is bollox. Formula is not the same as breast milk and is not better. Breast milk is a living source of food that adapts to the baby's needs etc. gives them antibodies develops their gut health and so on. formula is a good second and is a valid choice for anyone for any reason they want to use it but please don't go spouting rubbish that isn't true.

I would get there. Put all my formula bits, bottles, steriliser etc. in the kitchen. Then if she says anything or gives me the eye roll etc. I would call her out on it. I would make it clear that she does not get a say in how I feed my children and if she has a problem with me being happy and healthy then we can go home.

What a load of rubbish. Breastmilk is more nutritional than formula and better for baby!