Mother in law thinks formula is poison

if bottle feeding was nationally "disapproved of" (which is should NOT be, just to clarify) then surely our breastfeeding rates would be higher and not one of the lowest?

The pressure on women to breast feed is huge with a big old side dish of disapproval of women who don’t want or can’t manage to do it.

I think breastfeeding rates would be higher if mothers who want to breastfeed got the correct support they needed.

The vast majority of mothers start off breastfeeding.

It definitely isn’t “approved” of to formula feeding from birth.

@Blossomtoes pre WW2 many working class mothers returned to work in factories when their babies were just a couple of months old so breast feeding stopped.
Fresh milk was not always available (or they didn't have fridges to safely store it) so many babies and children only ever had tinned milk (often called 'Conny Onny" in some parts of the country). A huge amount of city children only had their first taste of actual fresh milk when they were evacuated to the countryside in '39.
Those who became mothers in the 60s/70s would have had that as a child so would then give it to their babies rather than the powdered formula milk because they considered it normal (and "well that's what I had and I turned out fine").
It wasn't necessarily approved of by Health Visitors etc but it did happen.
Sorry that was meant for @Pottedpalm rather than @Blossomtoes .

I have a relative who disapproved so much of breastfeeding that they demanded I did it in a bathroom so they didn't have to watch. We compromised. They're free to go and sit in a bathroom if they want, and my child will have their milk where and how my child and I choose.

I've only ever met 1 person in real life who "disapproved" of bottle feeding but plenty who seemed uneasy or scornful of breastfeeding and that included health care professionals.

It definitely goes both ways (god knows why, people are just weird) but statistics don't lie - if bottle feeding was nationally "disapproved of" (which is should NOT be, just to clarify) then surely our breastfeeding rates would be higher and not one of the lowest?

Evaporated milk was just beginning to be replaced by formula and breast feeding was discouraged.

That’s utter nonsense. Breast feeding has never been discouraged, it’s never been so disapproved of to bottle feed as it is now. Babies in the UK tended to be fed National Dried Milk from the 40s to the early 70s.

Thanks very much @teatoast8 and @Missscarletintheconservatory ❤️

I sometimes think I’m mad 🤣 when I (rarely) post on AIBU because everyone seems to be looking for a fight.

I was clearly trying to joke with OP (hence the laughing emoji) as humour got me through my own tough time back then , and I sympathised with the OP saying TWICE I thought her MIL was being unfair (so agreeing with her) but that’s not good enough for her 🙄

Yes, I did mention my own feeding experience, as I thought since I was mixed feeding too it might be relevant (back then I was told I was “crazy” 🤣 by both HV’s and posters on here for making more work for myself, as they said either just breastfeeding or just bottle feeding would be easier - but I didn’t get offended as I understood they were trying to help during a tough time).

Plenty of other posters mentioned their own feeding experiences too, or even said the OP was being “weird” or “odd” or “silly” (look back at the thread) yet the OP and others have only jumped on me 🤷‍♀️ They always say you shouldn’t try to help people…

My dear old batty nan insisted that when she had my mum (late 1960s) that my mum "hated the formula" so she had "normal milk... With a stick of butter in it" 🤯

@Flann3l I agree with you. My grandmother had her first in 1948 and her last baby in 1968 and used to be utterly horrified at the stress new mums used to be put under with regard to feeding.

I am enraged reading this! Tell the old cow to mind her Trouble is being beholden to he for childcare. Is that still the case?x

https://www.bounty.com/baby-0-to-12-months/weaning/ask-the-experts/weaning-through-the-ages

Late 60s/early 70s and yes that did include raw egg yolk! Evaporated milk was just beginning to be replaced by formula and breast feeding was discouraged. My mother looked on in bewilderment at the trauma I put myself through trying to BF- and the guilt mongering in society.

Feeding baby rice was definitely advised before six months if baby was deemed to be ‘hungry’ ( but raw eggs? Really??). Mothers followed the advice of professionals, as mothers do now. Advice changes and maybe by the time the current generation of mothers become the reviled MiL, current ideas will be laughed at.
However, the feeding of watered down tinned milk wasn’t normal practice at all.

What year was this? It certainly wasn’t the advice when my peer group were having children, and breast feeding was very much encouraged.

Absolutely, and the fact that they were intended to be helpful is even more depressing. A woman asks for advice on how to deal with problem relatives, says nothing whatsoever to suggest she has any interest in anyone's views on her feeding choices, and is told she's mad for feeding the way she does. Ugh.

It isn’t codswallop it’s correct. They cut the teats off of bottles and put in Farleys rusk and raw egg, my mother was encouraged to way before 6 months by health professionals because I was a “hungry” baby from birth There was non of the guilt mongering we have now re breast feeding.

@Pottedpalm if the Mother in law is in her mid 70s then she probably had her children in the 1960s or 70s.
Back then some babies were fed on watered down tinned milk.

Because it's hard when you're younger and you've got an overbearing , pushy grandparent bulldozing over your views and opinions when it comes to parenting.
Then you get older and think "fuck this" and can't take it anymore 😬

How do I handle this? She is mid 70s incredibly old fashioned views and makes no secret of how much she hates it

Her problem, not yours. You're the parent, making parenting decisions. Don't hide and dither around. Just carry on as you are if it works for you.

Assuming the MIL had her children in the 80s or 90s it was pretty common to be giving Farley’s rusks, Milupa rice and jars of egg custard pudding from about 4 months on in my mother’s circle.

You can buy ready made formula. It’s more expensive but you can if you choose, it’s less faff and just stick with first infant formula so you don’t have to prepare bottles if you really don’t want to. Still need to sterilise the bottles though.
It was clear to me @IamnotwhouthinkIam was trying to be helpful. She was passing on advice that helped her when she was in the think of it.

Utter codswallop! Watered down tinned milk! The majority of my friends and acquaintances breastfed, those who didn’t used powdered formula or ready mixed. Any solids before six months ( on the advice of the health professional) were likely to be baby rice.

Then why jump on me in the first place? I’m not the only person on this thread who has mentioned that they found bottles a hassle or that EBF was eventually easier for them? I was very sympathetic to her (and in my post) and not her MIL, until her reaction.

I guess it’s a mindset thing - I was in a seemingly tougher situation than the OP at the time but still appreciated all the people trying to help me on Mumsnet, even if I didn’t agree with everything they said 🤷‍♀️ “Pushing through” was one of the terms used by posters trying to help me btw and I didn’t find it “loaded” - but then again, unless I’m singled out when I’m trying to help, I generally try to assume posters mean the best.

It’s very clear from the OP that she doesn’t need to ‘push through’ (a very loaded term in this context even if the OP were seeking advice on this point, which she is not).

There is nothing to suggest she is determined to see anyone in a negative light. Your words were poorly chosen, and not needed.

We had the opposite attitude from some in our family. It was very clear that their opinions were not being sought and that anyone who tried to cause any kind of problem, including through comments, with how I was feeding would be leaving our home.

Some things are non-negotiable and keeping your thoughts to yourself on this topic when dealing with a vulnerable new mum is one of them. Every adult who cares about you can manage this. Every single one.

@curiouslycoy I mix fed at first then did ebf from about 4 months after ds began bottle refusing, I then breastfed until he was almost two.

Combi feeding was great for when he was a newborn for us. But you need a thick skin. You'll get shite from both sides. My personal 3 highlights -

"Don't you just feel like a cow" from my mil who was baffled by me choosing to breastfeed

Breastfeeding "enthusiasts" at a baby group telling me I should stop the formula as it increased sids risk - they knew I was anxious about this because they knew he was premature and that there was a family history of sids.

Being asked to breastfeed in a corner at another baby group because I might "trigger" other mums.

Feed your baby how you want op and ignore/shut down anyone who tries to tear you down. Don't let them stop you from just enjoying your baby.