Mother in law thinks formula is poison

Just say to her " this is my child, and this is how I choose to feed her. You had your child, and you chose how to feed them. Please stop now"

Tell her if she feels so strongly she is welcome to bf dc herself... oh wait, she can't!

Why on earth is he (and you!) enabling his mother's ridiculousness and not telling her to get lost. I would be fuming. Absolutely do not sneak around - how dare she make you feel you have to do so in your own home. At a minimum your partner should be telling her in no uncertain terms that it is none of her business, the only person it concerns how your baby is fed is that baby's parents. Both of you should be very clear with her that if she is to comment on how your baby is fed at all then she is not welcome. And mean it. If she mentions it you state dead pan voice that you are not discussing it and she needs to stop or she is welcome to leave. And if she continues - again - follow through and remind her you have already told her and for her to go.

"MIL I appreciate that you have an opinion but your unsolicited advice is not required. It's not anyone's business how I choose to feed the baby I have given birth to. You think formula is poison, I completely disagree. Kindly change the subject because I refuse to debate any parenting decisions with you going forward - my decision has been made and it is final. Should you continue on this topic then we will be forced to leave and take an extended break from visiting again"

Absolutely. And he needs to shut down any comments/eye rolling and tell her she and her shitty comments are not welcome.

I’ve written about this on here before, a family member was told by her midwife that her ds was getting enough ebf, baby was so dehydrated he had a stroke. Midwife has been struck off, child has just gone to secondary. He will have lifelong issues. Ebf does not necessarily work for everyone and I don’t think anyone should be giving opinions on others. I wouldn’t irl.

She can keep your opinions to yourself and button your lip. She’s already made her unwanted opinion clear last time, no need for it to be voiced again. You certainly shouldn’t be sneaking around in your own house, or anywhere else for that matter!

Formula is a miraculous invention which has saved millions of babies. My mother was like your mil but my baby needed formula to not die, so we fed him. I think the all or nothing approach really screws up breastfeeding for so many women. Combi feeding is fantastic and should be celebrated. Sorry you’re going through this

Your husband needs to talk to her before, and tell her in no uncertain terms is she to even mention it unless it's something positive.

She barely looked at your baby because you gave them formula? If that was my MIL she'd have been lucky to see them for a while. Do not sneak around. You have to advocate for your child, own your own decisions and be a fully grown adult. Now's a good time to start making sure she knows you're not a child to be dictated to or treated badly for making am perfectly reasonable decision on how to feed YOUR baby.

@Pottedpalm yes by the 70s the tinned would have gone out of favour. The 60s not so much.
Many women follow what their mothers and grandmothers have done before.

But we are not talking about pre WW2 here; the MiL is 75 so born in 1950 and unlikely to have had children until the early 70s

Well they're wrong 😊

I don't need your spammy links nor do I need to 'get started' on your nonsense thanks! ☺️ All of his colleagues agreed as did DD's doctors so I'll stick with their professional opinion thanks!

So was I!😊

@VegTrug your professor is just one person (who is wrong). Scientific consensus does not agree with him. A quick Google will tell you as much - here is an article to get you started.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4882692/

@Tired88p85 What are your medical qualifications please?

@jellybe Again, I think the Paediatric professor knows what he's talking about!
Also, all I've done is quote someone else. Do NOT tell me what I can & cannot say. That is not your job.

@teatoast8 As I said, I'll take the professional opinion of a paediatric Professor over someone on Mumsnet, thanks 👍🏻🤣

@Flann3l I agree with you. My very middle class mother was actively discouraged from breastfeeding, though she very much wanted to, and it's likely that the pressure exerted on her led to her not being able to. I was born in 1968.

Wiki disagrees with you and is what the females in my family experienced:-

“Breastfeeding in the Western world declined significantly from the late 1800s to the 1960s.[23]One of the causes was an increased reliance on pasteurized milk and baby formula products, which were regarded as acceptable substitutes by upwardly mobile mothers.[24] By the 1950s, the predominant attitude to breastfeeding was that it was something practiced by the uneducated and those of lower classes. The practice was considered old-fashioned and "a little disgusting" for those who could not afford infant formula and discouraged by medical practitioners and media of the time.”

Oh yes, that is very definitely A Thing on here. Sometimes it's outright criticism, sometimes it's head tilty can't possibly understand why someone wouldn't even try.

The reality is that there's a lot of social variation when it comes to this kind of thing, and the IRL circles people move in will make a difference. The main thing to take away is that none of it is acceptable.

From birth? I have.

It’s definitely more acceptable to have at least ‘tried’. It’s even been mentioned a few times on this thread too.

Your DH tells his mother that the decision on when and how and what to feed his child(ren) are between him and you and if she wants to be included in anything relating to his child(ren) again, she had better keep her opinions to herself.

Why is it up to YOU on how to deal with this? He is the one that should be putting a stop to her comments from the get go. You go ahead and feed your baby what you want, when you want and how you want. Refer any issues to your DH.

As requested:

@teatoast8 I have pretty much found no one actually cares if a baby is bottle or breast fed (except the parents obviously).
When I went to baby groups and while there some mums were breast feeding and some bottle feeding and I don't think it even came up in conversations.

I've never seen anyone get disproved for formula feeding.