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Original poster

Teenage son unreasonable expectations

166 replies

FlakyPeachPanda · 21/12/2024 11:10

Eldest son is nearly 18 and does not choose to spend time with us and his 4 siblings ever. Has a gf who lives an hour away and would rather travel and play happy families with her brother, mum and dad. Even visits her nan with her. Works hard and has 1 day off over Christmas now college has broken up and that 1 day off he expected to go and spend with her family. I'm so upset he doesn't see a problem with it. They even invited him for Christmas day and he didn't understand why I was annoyed. 9 month relationship, we've never met gf or her family. I'm hurt. He just sees me as wanting to upset him and thinks I don't care about his feelings. I have to consider everyone's feelings as well as my own and Christmas is so important to us all as a family. Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2024 11:25

He’s young and in love. It does actually sound like he’s right and you don’t care about his feelings. Your thread is all about you. Pick your battles and leave this one alone or you will drive him further away.

BibbityBobbityToo · 21/12/2024 11:23

He kind of sounds more mature than you, especially the 'playing happy families' part.

Let him spread his wings, invite the GF over, invite her parents round for a dinner party. Stop smothering him.

Edingril · 21/12/2024 11:23

So you have dictated what other people think is important?

HocusFord · 21/12/2024 11:23

I think it’s hard to go through but really normal that an 18 year old wants to spend his one day off over Christmas with his girlfriend.

Have they been invited to yours? If not then try and arrange something. If they’ve been invited but have refused, have an adult discussion with your son and let him know it would mean a lot to you to meet her, and ask what you can do to facilitate that.

Don’t give him a hard time about not being around much this Christmas. He has very limited time and it’s a very natural part of teens growing up and transitioning into adulthood that they pull away from their own families in favour of friends and romantic partners. He will come back! Make sure he knows he’s always welcome but otherwise accept that it’s just part of the process.

Guavafish1 · 21/12/2024 11:23

I think that’s just life

DaringLion · 21/12/2024 11:22

He’s young and in love

BilboBlaggin · 21/12/2024 11:21

Sounds like quite a busy household if you have 5 kids. Maybe he finds it calmer and quieter at his GF place? Does he have his own private space/bedroom at yours?

Either way, he's almost 18 and at this age he's wanting to do his own thing. You need to cut the apron strings and let him live his life. You can't expect him and the whole family to be together every Christmas once they're older.

WaitingforStrike · 21/12/2024 11:20

iamnotalemon · 21/12/2024 11:20

I'm sorry this is upsetting for you but he is 18. Let him live his life.

He's 17?

WaitingforStrike · 21/12/2024 11:20

It's madness that you've never met her. Engineer this. Some kind of activity you can drive them to, for example. You need to get to know her.

iamnotalemon · 21/12/2024 11:20

I'm sorry this is upsetting for you but he is 18. Let him live his life.

wizzywig · 21/12/2024 11:19

Ah enjoy the peace!

Onlycoffee · 21/12/2024 11:18

He's choosing to spend time with his girlfriend which is completely normal, and you're twisting it into "play happy families"?

Seeline · 21/12/2024 11:16

Did you invite the GF to your place?

Bumdrops · 21/12/2024 11:15

Sounds like he is right, you don’t care about his feelings ?

MintTwirl · 21/12/2024 11:14

Have you invited them to spend time at your house? I find it strange that you haven’t met her, do you know why that may be?
He is the age where his girlfriend is probably just as important to him and while I understand it’s hurtful to you I think it’s a part of growing up.

MumChp · 21/12/2024 11:11

Leave him to it. He will grow up.