Teenage son unreasonable expectations

Invite both of them on Boxing Day and give them their presents then. Get her a few nice things.

Frame it as you'd prefer it if they could come over at some point on Christmas Day but if they don't want to, then they come Boxing Day.

Most parents would consider a 17 year old who goes to college and is so dedicated to working so hard that he only has 1 day off over Christmas as a dream child. Maybe you should be praising him.

With a work ethic like that at 17 in addition to holding down what is effectively a long distance relationship, he's probably going to be a very rich and successful family man in another 15 years.

There are plenty of kids that age who don't bother to get a job or turn up inconsistently for the one they do have, or are off god knows where drinking.

well, almost 18 😂

Let him go are my thoughts.

So does he live with the girlfriend and her family now? Is his job nearer to her house so it makes it easier for her?

If he does live with her full time, perhaps gently say that you'd like to see him some time over Christmas but understand he is busy.

If he doesn't live with her full time, then can't you organise a family get together when he is there?

Yeah, I have one exactly the same. Just wants to spend time with the girlfriend. I don't expect to see him over Xmas although I do know he will go to his dad's because he daren't say no to him. He doesn't seem to care what I think and feel. I just ignore it. Nod and smile. It'll pass eventually.

Does it really matter. He might ditch her, she might ditch him. Let them play happy families. How this is even a tragedy worth discussing

Hes grown up, its what they are suppose to do.

Why haven't you met his girlfriend?

I'm not sure how this situation has come about, to be honest, it all sounds a bit odd.

I'd be hurt too OP. I feel for you 😞

It's much more exciting to be with girlfriends family at that age.

The more you try and force him, to be at home, the more he'll push away.

It's a natural part of growing up.

I think it’s normal, especially with boys.

Maybe it’s a legitimately happy family and he’s just enjoying being with them?

This, it’s also quite a naturally selfish age. My parents gave out to me when I was a similar age & it just made me resent it more.
He’s young and in love, you have 4 other kids to spend Christmas with, you must be busy!

Focus on the 4 you have with you and you’ll have a lovely Christmas.

I can't imagine how this situation has evolved. He is after all still a child.

He should show more consideration for your family.

What do you mean by 'play happy families'? It's hard to read the tone of this comment but it doesn't sound very nice.

Is the gf controlling? Happened to a work colleague of mine. Her son got sucked into this other family, and she rarely saw him, until he realised what was happening.

or is it a case of the grass is greener…

He's young, in love and thinking with his dick.

Leave him to it. Have an amazing Christmas day without him.

He'll realise how self centred he has been at some point and hopefully apologise.

Have you invited him and the girlfriend over?

He is old enough to make his own desicions.

Two things can co exist - you are hurt because you don't see him and he's a teen living his life.

But you do just have to let him make his choices.

Difficult one
Be supportive obviously
However I think it’s important he is clear to his girlfriend his family are just as important as hers.
He seems like he only wants to please hers at the moment
Maybe a little give on her side too, if he wants her to know your family, would be a good thing

Invite her over for Christmas Day as well. Maybe after lunch if he’s eating at hers.

And other people make a good point: why haven’t you met the girlfriend yet? Not in an accusatory way but maybe you invite her over for dinner in the new year? Assuming you haven’t already tried to.

Why haven't you met her after 9 months?

The feelings you have for gf/bf at that age can be really intense and in all honesty, he currently does care more about her than his family right now. I’d honestly let him get on with it as the alternative is insisting he spend the day with you and, assuming that even works, him ruining the day because he wishes he was elsewhere.

It's a difficult stage in life for both parents and the young adults who used to be our 'children' . Of course they will always be our children but they begin taking natural steps into adulthood and independence at this stage in life. Some do it gradual, for some it happens in a more sudden way, especially if there is a girlfriend/boyfriend involved.
It's something, one way or another most of us begun around this age but it's hardest for the eldest in a family and also for you as parents as you see the start of changes in your own family unit. You are invested in having him as he's always been, at the heart of your family. He is invested in the natural process of growing up and growing away a bit. It will be easier for you and his other siblings when their turn comes because he has paved the way.
If he is being welcomed at girlfriend's place and getting agro at home he will naturally gravitate there.
My advice ( for what it's worth) Try to be as pleasant as you can about his plans while letting him know he will be missed at home. You understand his changing priorities but you will miss him and will appreciate time with him. His girlfriend is welcome here Amy time and you are looking forward to meeting her. Once he's pulled away and established that he has some independence from the family unit he will come back to you again ... the boy is leaving but eventually, you will get the lovely young man in his place. It's hard I know, but the hormones are raging at 18 and even though this first girlfriend is probably not for ever and you may have to be in support at some stage if it all breaks up, at present the girlfriend and a welcome at her home will seem far more attractive than any agro at home. Good luck going forward. It will be ok 💐

He’s not as into the busy, noisy Christmas with loads of kids as you are. He’s practically an adult so you’ll jsut have to respect his decision.