School raised concerns over childs home life

@Smith212

I don't think most people think you have done anything wrong & that you just need support.

You haven't answered who else lives with you as this could be affecting him.

I hope you can get some help as it's no way for any of you to live.

I was thinking more about the threats her son made that he would accuse OP of abusing him, which (from what I read) it sounds like he hasn't actually done yet.

Hopefully someone will deal with him for you, love

Not sure what you think the school are spot on about but it's a team around the family meeting they will try to offer ( nothing much useful ime) support

I can't see the police coming down hard on a disabled child tbh.

I think the school is spot on. This cannot go on like that. If the mother does not know how to deal with it, the nanny state will.

You seem c!useless about 'the very many different presentations of autism
Stop trying to demonize a 9 year old child.

Regardless, the criminal tendencies should be dealt with.

He's nine he's a child even in a year the police are not going to treat him as an adult

This behaviour comes clearly because someone somewhere has shown a very mysoginistic behaviour to this poor boy, either his father, or he heard it in the pubs, or has seen things online which he shouldnt

I am all the way with the poster, I believer her and I don't think someone should be excusing apparently very mentally alert boy for doing what he is doing. Also the poster wants help, not her children just taken her away, who wants that in their right mind.

Also I don't agree that calling this just ND disability behaviour shows any signs of wisdom. There was another similar post before. The boy lacked proper male figure in his life. No one suggested this alongside all the therapies that could be given them. You cannot rip a family apart, have a father who bribes you with junk food and drags you to bars and leave all rubbish to the woman. Where are the males figures

Child protection team right. LOL. If someone did anything to my property and clothes to this extend, I would be calling the woman protection team

Even if it was child protection team. Do you think this woman is safe and her other children around her oldest son? This is still a criminal damage done in her poster's home. One more year and he will be liable

You sound like you don't understand what process OP is in, which is leading you to make some needlessly alarming comments.

Team Around the Family (sometimes called Team Around the Child) is a multi-agency response to a child with complex needs. It is a way of working which is designed to provide joined-up support.

It is not a child protection intervention.

Absolutely, I agree and perhaps I would make different decisions in those specific circumstances. I have two severely disabled children and whenever I have posted on here several posters say "just put them in care", which is a bit insulting to be honest. But (again not in these circumstances myself), I'm not sure I would risk losing everything when there was another parent the child could go to. It's not like I'm saying she should put her child in the care system.

Again it's easy to say when in your case it's hypothetical not so easy when you are living it.

It's not easy but you have to consider the impact on the other children which could cause severe mental health issues.

Easy for you to say when it's not your life or your child.

Thousands of families are doing that there just isnt the resources to remove the disabled child from the family and most families don't want that anyway.

@Smith212

You haven't said who else is in the household. Do you think he is jealous of them? Is he the only one who goes to his Dad? I'm just wondering if he feels unsettled by going from one place to the other & maybe there are siblings who are always with you? You mentioned you had a relationship once & he didn't like it but it sounds like you went on to have more children so I can't work out if they are full siblings or half siblings.

You need a lot of help and support. Behaviour is generally learned, so first he needs to unlearn how he currently is and then follow a better path. It is quite right - but understandably painful - for outsiders to express concerns about your child and his home life. Neither of you should go on like this.

He needs to live with his dad. I know you love him but not only is life intolerable for you and your other child now but he could set a major bomb off and completely destroy your lives.

Say he does say you hit and push him while your other child is not looking? All school and social workers will see is he is happy at school and Dad's but not at yours. I am not saying you are not telling the truth, but he's sort of right, people will believe him. Having CCTV will change nothing, that little boy Arthur who was murdered by his family, they had CCTV to 'prove' that they were supposedly good parents. Unless you have 24/7 recorded footage with sound stored for every area of your home, including toilet, it will mean very little. If a family court believes on the balance of probabilities you have abused one child, you could lose both of them.

No matter how much I loved my child, I wouldn't risk the above, especially when there was another parent who could look after them.

Yes but what about the younger DC and the OP's mental and physical health?
Surely there comes a time when you can no longer sacrifice the whole family for the needs of the one?

If the eldest DC was an adult, there would be no question that the OP should make him leave. If he was 18, many people would say he had to go, be made to leave.
What about if he was 17? 16? Where is your line?