To ask at what point you stop 'raising' your kids?

7pm is mental 😳

OP, the 7pm curfew is effectively isolating her from her peers, and preventing her from developing a normal social life.

My parents did the same. They were convinced my sisters and I would be pregnant if we were 10 minutes late home from school. They were completely ridiculous. I thought them insane. When I was 18, I walked out, went to university against their wishes, and never went home.

I moved further away after I graduated and never spoke to my f , who was the lead in controlling behaviour, again.

Do you want to lose your dd, because that is what you are risking?

I don't force my 8 year old to wear a coat, she's old enough to understand she will be cold if she doesn't wear a coat.
7pm is absolutely ridiculous. 9pm would be more reasonable.

It is a gradual process of giving them more freedom. You don't wake up one day and find you are no longer a parent.

I suggest you let the reins go on things like the coat... Yeah she goes out and gets cold a couple of times but hardly a hill worth dying on.

7pm curfew - depends on your area. If it is a place that is known for after sunset criminality and soliciting I probably would be concerned. If it is a normal residential area with good transport I would say it is a little early. Mine had to be back before my bed time so I could sleep.

Going to uni in Aus / travel in Europe. Take an interest and help her plan it so you know that she has considered what is involved.

The 7pm curfew is absolutely awful OP. Give her some independence. I can't imagine how she feels about this.

Pick your battles

She needs to learn consequences of her actions so if she doesn't wear a coat she gets cold. If she's out with me I keep spares in the car so we can always go back.

As for travelling around Europe and Uni in Australia, that's a pipe dream unless she's got a job to pay for it.

DD has no interest in wondering the streets but if she goes to a friend's home it's generally back home for 9pm on a weekday and 10 on a weekend if she isn't sleeping over, as that's when I'm happy to play taxi till unless it's a special occasion.

DD doesn't need to ask my permission for where she goes but she does need to message me when she changes location. And, if I'm off on my own I do the same. We have a WhatsApp group that is just our location, it's a good habit for personal safety for all ages.

I don't feel I've 'raised' or actively parented my DD for years. I offer counsel, we talk things through like grown ups, I throw in scenarios and play devil's advocate so she is prepared.

I physically prepared her with skills years ago, she's a rookie life guard - important as we live near the sea and she spends a lot of time there, first aid trained. She could deal with any swimming or first aid issue as well as I can.

It depends on the child. My DS is 16 and finding his feet but for now I expect to know where he is, and for him to be in by 10. He doesn't object to that.

If he wants to be out later, that's no problem but he's fairly considerate and lets me know when he will be home anyway.

At 16 you need to start letting go, do you live in an area that’s it’s a worry her being out late ? 7 is rather early but it does depend on where she’s going and who with etc.

i found as mine got older it’s more advice giving than raising, advice it’s cold she will need a coat but don’t get stressed out over it.

as for Europe and Australia, yes way to young but she will work that out fo herself.

mine are all adults now with children, but I still feel they are my babies but you have to give them wings and let them fly

7pm is very concerning tbh

My 16 year old is really independent. If she is daft enough not to have a coat that’s on her. She doesn’t have a curfew as such but would need to be home before I go to bed but we know where she is and who with. She has nice friends who we know.

Are you joking about 7 pm?

7pm! Bloody hell, my then 8 year old was allowed out later!
I was someone who left home at 16, I had all the same ideas as your daughter. Do you know why I left home? My parents somehow didn't realise I was no longer 9 and my dad was too controlling, they had no idea how to parent a teen or adapt to me becoming an adult.. So off I went.
I now have a 16 year old and the thought of him living independently is ridiculous. But he has plenty freedom, no curfews etc. he's a sensible boy and we have good relationship. Probably because I let him make him own choices/mistakes.
I mean the coat situation is ridiculous. She'll get cold, she'll wear one next time. Natural consequences is my parenting go to.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. At 16 she can chose when to wear a coat and she needs freedom past 7pm. But that’s a huge step before travelling alone or uni on the other side of the world from her family.

if you give her the day to day freedoms then she might not focus on the huge escape plans.

Are you the poster who lives in SA?

Why are you arguing with a 16yo about whether she's wearing a coat? She's not 6!

If she's not capable of doing these things at 16 it sounds like that's primarily because of your overprotective parenting.

7pm for a 16 year old is pretty ridiculous.

Let her leave her coat and get cold.

Uni in Australia? If she can pay for it (doubtful) then fine.

Travelling around Europe? When she's 18 then again fine.