To be dreading the holiday

Just keep on with the mantra 'this too will pass...'
Break your days up into morning and afternoon slots
If you need a break throw the kids at DH when he gets home and take yourself for a walk - kids will be ok, you get to clear your head ready to come home and do bathtime etc.

Free activities at the library
Woodland walks, take a bag for them to collect twigs, leaves, stones etc
Are you near a beach or near enough to drive? A run around on the sand and a paddle in the sea in wellies will tire them out.
A walk to post Christmas cards? Get them to put them through the letter boxes!
Do you have a garden? Wrap them up and give them paintbrushes and water - paint fences and pavements.

Reward yourself at the end of each day. A nice glass of wine, a decent coffee, a film you want to watch.

As they get older it will get easier. Even if that's by yourself without DH.

You are doing a great job. You don't feel it right now and having the next two weeks looming ahead of you is daunting but you have coped so far and will continue to do so.

Someone else offered a basic structure for the day that I’d have done on your situation. Out in the morning, lunch out, home for some CBeebies and play.

This is exactly the structure I had with my dc when they were young.
Except mine was snacks out and lunch at home in rubbish weather.
One activity at home after lunch (playdoh, painting, drawing, sticking, baking, )
Then tv and toys for the rest of the afternoon. Freed me up.

No-one looks after their kids 24/7 365 days a week for decades. By the age of 4 they are in school and by the age of 18 they are adults. You don't need to use such hyperbole to make your point.

This is parenting though. Also wtf why are you putting up with your useless husband?

No, you will not get roasted.
However, with your choice to have kids comes the duty of parenting.
Nothing else to add.

Just ignore the unhelpful comments. Do you have a petting farm/zoo near you? Money again though. We used to walk in the woods when they were little collecting leaves and spotting the wildlife. Feeding ducks another great suggestion.

can you play easy board games where you & your dh have one child each so you are on a team with the one dc?

toy Rotation - not too many things out - and every night it changes. So it’s exciting 8! The morning and novel what is set up - e.g one day have the train set and dolly’s out - the next be the cars and duplo…

don’t give them s as l their new presents straight away. Once unwrapped - you can discreetly take s few away and bring out in the week when it’s all going crazy and you need something novel to amuse them.

do a focused activity of craft together - even if just drawing .

do a ‘tidy up time’ and story time - like they would at school/ nursery to get the house shipshape before going out etc…

library - free and ‘new’ books - will add novelty to their day.

meal plan and have plans to go places on your calendar to keep your sanity do it’s easy to stay on track

it is hard work then they are little!

Firstly I would be having a conversation with your DH about how he weaponised his incompetence and if he doesn't start stepping up he'll be doing this alone every other weekend.

I agree about getting into a routine that works for you during the break, and you should absolutely be telling your DH what he needs to do and when.

As a lone parent I understand your pain, but honestly life without an manchild in it is a less frustrating experience.

I think this age is hard. And sometimes harder if kids are usually in nursery meaning that a working mum doesn’t have local mum friends for company on trips out. I do think that can be lonely

Your dh makes me so angry. You should be angry with him too.
Tell him to shape up or get out.
He can't take the kids out for a bit?
Your kids are like this because firstly their age, and secondly, they need attention and quality time with parents.
You should both be giving it to them.
They'll be picking up on your unhappiness and frustration which makes them more needy.
Make a plan where both you and dh spend time with the dc together and separately.
Both you and dh give them lots of hugs and kisses, be happy to spend time with them and spend time fully engaged with them.
That way you each get a break too and the kids are given the attention they need.
Hopefully then, they can be happy to be left watching a film or playing together.

Classic!

Things don't always turn out as we expect. She probably didn't know what a an absolutely useless twat her DH was before she had kids. Also, some kids are much harder work than others.

do you have friends or family you can visit or invite over? Mum friends w similar age kids? Any kid-friendly museums around?

Why pressure yourself. What's wrong with staying indoors and watching a good Christmas movie or a Disney classic. Get some treats in, why not bake & Get the kids involved.? Craft activities you can buy cheap. Yes it will be messy but that's the joy of it.

Go for a walk. It costs nothing.

Don't fall into the trap of ' I should be doing this' just spend time together, indoors, relax and have a happy Christmas 😊

Maybe where you are, here hardly anything is free, in fact things that are usually free seem to be charging- even the garden centre is asking for a few quid to look at the christmas bit ffs (not santa, that's £20, but to view the room they've decorated with stuff they're selling?!). There's parks which again depends on the quality in honesty, here they have anti slip and some shelter so would be fine, there are also some lovely walks but this isn't the case everywhere. What are all of these free things doing? Only extra things I've seen are £££.

What happens if you do nothing with them?

Just stay at home, stick Peppa Pig on auto play and let them play with their toys?

You don't have to be out doing an activity all the time, you don’t have to spend any money and it's less tiring for you if you don't have to be packing bags, loading the car, rushing to be somewhere. Sometimes it's good for everyone just to chill out at home.

Feeding them doesn't have to be expensive, buy loads of fruit, cut it up and make vegetable sticks, crumpets, toasts, own brand yogurt/fromage frais, mini pancakes....

Someone else offered a basic structure for the day that I’d have done on your situation. Out in the morning, lunch out, home for some CBeebies and play.

Mine are only a bit older and I do remember it was hard but I did enjoy just getting out and doing pretty much anything with my children when they were small and CBeebies was amazing.

Mine didn’t go to nursery so I was used to filling out days and in term time we always had a good structure of playgroups, music etc. Holidays could be tougher when some groups didn’t run.

I know it’s hard to hear but it sounds like they both really just want you. It’s such hard work but so important. Just lie on the floor and build duplo towers. Easy to clear up. Lie on the floor and let them climb on you. Lie on the floor at watch Bluey. Make lunches that are basically just chopped stuff from the fridge. Read endless books. Give them a bath any time of the day and let them play in there (while you lie on the bathroom floor 😂).

Wrap them up and walk for an hour just to get hot chocolate somewhere. All things I did a lot of. Meet up with friends. Take the train somewhere.

I know it’s hard, I know smaller ones protest about buggies and larger ones get tired of walking and they wet themselves and spill things and cry and fight. But it’s only a few days and none of that matters much really.

I can’t say anything about your husband. Mine was crap at that age too. I expected nothing and got exactly that. Was shit.

If you just went out, presumably your husband would have to parent the children? Assuming he's just a lazy arse, rather than neglectful or abusive? Even if he just sat and watched cartoons with them and fed them bananas.

Any mum friends, or family about? I find being out of the house with my two much easier. Day bag packed the night before. Even if it's just a playdate at someone's house. Or if the weather is at least dry, take them out to the park or on a nature walk.

Is the eldest, old enough to safely play by themselves upstairs? Ours did from 3 years old, in a child proofed room, with the baby monitor in there. Was actually really cute hearing him play all of his imagination games when "alone". He initially didn't like it much, but we had a timer in there, showing how much time was left. Also got some really fun 2nd hand toys, that he could only use in his room. We put him up there preemptively, when it looked like the kids could do with some time apart (or I needed a break).

Rewards / punishments for playing nicely / badly together. Put the onus on them to get along. Only works for me about half the time, but worth a shot. Especially with the eldest.

Most importantly, try not to excite them anymore than they already will be. Young children don't do well with being really, really excited ime - they can't cope with it and then act up. Better to try and keep them on an even keel as much as possible. Mine only have none-too-stimulating cartons, for this reason (Peter Rabbit and Blippi are good).

I'm just thinking back to when my dc were that age. Things I'd do with them were; take them to the lake, to feed the ducks, we'd take a packed lunch with us, so it took a few hours, just wrap up warm. Some afternoons, if they were getting resletess, I'd run a bath and put toys in there. They'd happily play for an hour (yes you have to stay with them but it use to really chill my 2 out). I also did various soft play, parks. We lucky as we live along the costal path, so a few hours with their bikes did the world of good! Basically fresh air and excerise, they will play better in the house then. Can you meet up with friends? There's bound to be some free activities going around. Checkout your local Facebook pages. Get your dh off his useless arse and get him to pull his weight!

Is the here a bridge over a stream near you for playing Pooh sticks, large puddles to stomp around in, muddy walks?

@Lobstercrisps

Neither did I, there wasn't so much available, we didn't have the money and with dd being autistic it really wasn't an option if it was for "normal" kids. The exception was music related activities, she loved children's concerts, sat through serious musicals, opera etc from young (there was a sound proof box, with speakers at the back of our local theatre for a family), loved church, no surprise she's a professional musician.

Toddlers and preschoolers are full on and they are messy but you go with the flow

That is a very valid point of how life was when many of us were children, though not always with bad things happening.

Now we’re getting the back in the day advice. My parents tell wild stories about back in the day. My dad took a sledge out with his cousin (aged 4 and 5) there was no snow but a large hill meant they picked up a good pace, his cousin hit a wall at the bottom and broke both his legs at the bottom.
My mum played out regularly from the age of 2 and their game was to try and out run the local paedophile. She was unsuccessful on one occasion and he put his hands down her pants.

Op it is so hard single handed wrangling two children. I found planning one morning and one afternoon activity really helped. Those themed muffin kits really helped me when mine were younger, 30 minutes to cook then silence when they were eating. My very clingy son was put in charge of putting washing on the airer and he still does it now.

I just want to remind other people responding on this thread that the site is a SUPPORTIVE PARENTING site. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

nonotchristmas · Today 08:12

how the hell did we manage
By having kids go out and entertain themselves largely, often with disastrous results.

Absolute rubbish!! my kids were never left to entertain themselves. I did things with them which you actually seem unable to do. My kids turned out exemplary. No drugs, no tattoos, no crime activity, good occupations and lovely children!! I was quite a strict parent as regards behaviour and it was instilled in them but they still got freedom to a certain extent. they enjoyed their childhoods!!

Often? Really?

I don't understand why you have to take them to paid activities.

The kids will be happy pottering about in the woods, you didn't need to walk round them at all, let them walk a bit and play with sticks and leaves etc.

Take them a rec and chuck a frisbee or kick a ball around.

Go scooting/cycling...