To be dreading the holiday

This. Your poor kids are in nursery normally but you can't be bothered with them for a week or so when they're not. It sounds like you even resent feeding them... they are YOUR kids, Op so I'm assuming that you chose to have them. Can't you just spend time with them playing, going to the park etc. You don't want them to look back as adults and remember that you resented their presence.

Just re -read all your posts OP. Lots of people have taken time to really try and give you suggestions, support, solidarity and you are now coming across as really arsey. My two were not easy kids(still aren't). Totally different interests and preferences to try and manage alone as an SP. It's totally fine to just have a vent but I agree with a pp that you do sound v down and could probably benefit from a chat with a gp. I do wish you the best.

Also completely agree that some kids are easier to entertain than others.

My niece would sit and play with the pegs in the peg basket for about two hours. Or even a simple piece of string! I would watch with amazement and think what the hell am I doing wrong? Because my son just wasn't like that.

So ideas like: paint the house with a paintbrush, play with kitchen utensils, chalk the pavement, go for a ramble in the woods, do some crafting etc just didn't work, as lovely and wholesome as those ideas are!

The only thing that really worked was soft play and lots of it....:and who wants to do that every day for 2 weeks!

OP, you’re just coming across as rude now.

People are just trying to give you suggestions, no, you don’t have to take them.

If you have a garden, chuck them out there for a bit. They won’t melt if it’s raining, tog them up.

Cinema, lots of toddler showings atm, perhaps ask for odeon passes for Christmas.

Softplays are rank so I can’t relate to you there, I can’t be arsed with the days of illness after just for an hour or so of ‘fun’

National trust properties or similar, you only have to pay for parking (a fiver usually) they usually have Christmas trails and similar on for children this time of year.

Not sure if you’re near the coast but if it’s sunny but cold, wrap up and down to the beach, let them burn off some steam there. Take some sandwiches etc.

I dunno, there’s lots of stuff you can do but it does involve going outside.

Hello. This sounds so tough. You sound exhausted. I think the real issue is your DH. I’m sure you enjoy spending time with your kids but when you know it’s all on you to think of things to do and then actually do the things on your own when you are shattered and get no reboot time, it’s hard. This needs a conversation with your DH. My husband and I both work long hours and we try to make sure we both get time to ourselves as well as with our DC. In fact, my DH pushes me to do stuff for myself. When it is me on my own, sometimes I’ll meet with other mum friends with the kids just to have a natter or grab a quick coffee. I hope things get easier.

@nonotchristmas By having kids go out and entertain themselves largely, often with disastrous results.

OP have you asked your mother what she did when you were at that age or are you the "disastrous result" of parental neglect??? you should take a look at yourself, casting aside ever single suggestion given to you! you are making mountains out of molehills here. so what if the kids make a mess? it is only going to be in the kitchen for most of the things to do!

Take up running - at least you’ll get an hours peace each day!!

Do you have any play cafe's local?
Where there's Just a bunch of toys or small softplay where you can sit and have a break and a coffee while they play. We have two local and one does an activity included in each session. Each day is different, one is a disco one is messy play etc.

Soft play with wee ones is hard because you can't let them go off on their own so you don't get a break. You are also pretty much guaranteed to bring home some sort of bug and they will be mobbed with kids so then someone gets hurt or whatever. I hate the places if you can't tell😬 but I understand sometimes they feel like the only option.

I would suggest walks. Somewhere safe where they can roam. A woodland area or somewhere like that. A nature treasure hunt? Just draw some stuff on paper like a stick, a green leaf, a rock, a big tree, a bird etc and then look for them on your walk.

I also recommend brain breaks on YouTube kids. They can choose their character and copy it and it gets them moving and burning off steam. Don't recommend YouTube for anything else at their ages but it's useful for this on a rainy day 🤣

Make dens, get some balloons and let them play keepy uppy (no damage unlike a ball!), make an indoor soft play using cushions or the sofa cushions and let them have at it, use masking tape to make a road on a hard floor and let them play with cars on it, play doh, kinetic sand etc are good time killers too. When I'm at a loss I pull out the paint sticks and glitter glue. Paint sticks dry in 60 seconds and wash off anything, and glitter glue is less messy than actual glitter. I've been known to cover the dining table in brown parcel paper, secured with tape and then let them colour it/make a mess.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself. I hope you manage to get through the holidays OP. Xx

Allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld Honestly how self satisfied are you? My own DS is similar to your DC ,I am proud of him but some DC are easier than others! My DD has struggled .Also what the hell is wrong with Tattoos FFS? I have been treated by Nurses,Doctors, and the Chemo team many of whom had Tats! this poor lady is in the thick of it!

I agree. Softplay is incredibly stressful as you are confined to one small area. Being in a wide open space is more relaxing by far.

You can't really diagnose OP (who you have never met) with depression because she finds looking after her pre-school kids difficult and her DH is a useless twat.What's the point of doing crafting with a child that isn't interested? It's a lot of work and a lot of mess if the kids aren't even enjoying it.

I was diagnosed with PND after my third child was born and I knew I wasn't really depressed. I was just sad and angry because my mum died when my 1st child was 12 weeks old and my baby wouldn't stop crying and never slept. I hated being a mum for a while but it didn't mean that I was ill.

These ages can feel so hard. My youngest 2 sound like similar ages, and I'm only recently able to take all 4 of my children to the park alone, because the youngest 2 would go in different directions and climb and it felt so dangerous. We used to have a bike with a handle to push it, which my children liked so much more than being in a pushchair if that's possible? Getting out and getting a walk can be so helpful.
I agree with another poster, that it does sound like you might be depressed, and you might benefit from some support with your mental health if that's an option. It also seems like a massive DH problem, that he is unwilling to help. If you can, separate the resentment and frustration that you feel towards him (which could be completely valid if he's not helping as he very much should be) from your relationship with your children, as it's not their fault that he isn't pulling his weight and you deserve to enjoy them. I do sometimes have to reframe things for myself, from thinking "I have to" to "I get to" so rather than "I have to look after them alone all day "I get to spend all day with my children today"
The youngest 2 at the moment Love playdough, which I try and set up at the table to try and minimize the mess. Water play, even if it's a bubble bath in the day. We made them a sandpit which they can spend hours in. Colouring pages or watercolor paints. Hopefully they will have some fun things to enjoy from Christmas and keep them entertained.

You sound burnt out, OP.

ExDP never lifted a finger either with my DCs. His idea of childcare was to sit on the sofa and turn CBeebies on.

When they were late teens, I happened to mention to my GP that DP's behaviour stressed me out. We had a chat about it and she ended up telling me I was in a domestic abuse situation. Not saying that is necessarily the case for you but a DH just letting you run yourself ragged is not a good sign. Have uou told him how you feel? If so and he has not taken it seriously, I'd be worried.

I completely get it OP. My son was bloody hard work when younger. He's 10 now and awesome so it does pass. We can now just hang out calmly and have a nice time so you will get there, it won't always be like this!

However you have a big problem with your husband as you know. You should be a team and he's not pulling his weight. On the days he has off from work he should be taking the kids out to soft play to give you a break. Can you not just directly ask him to do this? Would he say no?

He clearly find parenting difficult but tough shit, we all do. He can't just exempt himself from it.

Do you think that your not used to having your children around you full time, ( no shade) I struggled on my on after school and used to sometimes dread it. Try to have some sort of routine, up breakfast washed and dressed, get out for a walk even if only to the shops to get some sweets. Sit with them and watch TV, get some playdoh. Play Duplo with them, if they're fighting they are bored. Nursery will be very regimented, maybe they need a bit of that at home. Make sure you fit in quiet time and time for you too. Loads and loads of parents dread winter holidays, your not alone

Can you get the 3 year old helping to tidy up? Mine loved a dustpan and brush when they were that little.

For me (1 toddler DD) I HAVE to get out every morning, most of the time it’s to walk the dog. I try and stay out for an hour/ hour and a half and she’s a mixture of in and out of the buggy. If I think she’s going to be extra tricky, I bring a couple of ‘snacks’ for her to have in the pram.

We live rurally so it often involves muddy footpaths etc but luckily we have an out n about pram which is great on rough terrain.

We usually get back about 10.30-11 and I give her something to eat. Let her play for 20-30 mins and then put her up for her nap (not sure if yours still nap?) that takes us to 1-1.30 then we have lunch and get out somewhere, often the supermarket to pick up a couple of bits or lately looking at Christmas lights, or feed the ducks etc before back home about 3.30-4 where she watches a bit of tv and then it’s dinner, bath, bed.

i don’t bother with crafts, she does enough of that at nursery all week and like you say, it’s just mess and doesn’t hold their attention for more than 5 mins.

I do only have 1 child though and she is fairly calm so appreciate this routine wouldn’t work for a lot of people.

I feel for you op as it sounds really tough. I definitely wouldn’t have had a second child with your useless, lazy DH though after he proved himself useless the first time around!

You need to kick him into touch….or kick him out!

I remember those days. One thing I found helped was having friends round with kids the same age. Mine wouldn’t play for long on their own or with each other when they were that age but would play much longer with other kids. And bonus was I had company too. We still had to watch them but it was less lonely.

Still some things you need to work on then, empathy and how not to be smug being two of them. Every day is a school day, eh?

Wow, perfect!
They would be described as absent.
But, I learned about the world mostly myself.
🥺

You don’t have to be gentle. No one is rejecting anything. I posted saying I was dreading the holiday so pardon me if I’m not in spasms of joy at the thought of doing Christmas crafts neither child cares about, would fill no time at all but would make a mess I would have to clear up. A lot of these ‘snuggle under a blanket and watch a film / do Christmas decorations/ walk in the woods’ are based on ideals and not reality. I mean, the woods are flooded and like a quagmire for starters.

OP, read back your message to yourself. This is exactly what I mean by symptoms of depression. Of course you can snuggle on the couch with a Christmas film or go for a walk. You are finding reasons why you "can't possibly" do anything. This is not your fault, I think you are depressed. What is your responsibility is not seeking treatment. Life should not feel this hard, there is help available. Try to recognise your negative thought patterns - this is not normal, and life can be better. Go to see your GP.

Only a small tip, but should take long enough for you to grab a cup of tea...

I used to give DCs a small bucket of water each and a paintbrush and let them 'paint' the outside of the house and the patio.

They absolutely loved it! Kept them quiet for ages.

Also - shameless play dough. Do it in the kitchen then simply vacuum the bits. Don't worry about colour mixing, who cares if it all goes brown

And I have no issues with watching some Xmas tv - snowman, Father Christmas etc are all on channel 4 on demand at the moment.