Page 2 | To be dreading the holiday

nonotchristmas · 2024-12-21T01:28:18+00:00

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January. And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again. But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

FarmerLlama · 22/12/2024 10:19

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:13

And that comment had so much point to it 😂

Actually there has been a point. Some posters have been lovely. Don’t worry, you haven’t been one of them.

Show quote history

I have tried to be supportive of you read my previous post, but you have just been bitchy throughout

Original poster

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:19

In all seriousness a split may happen; it may not. I don’t know, I hope not but things may get to a point where it isn’t tenable to carry on.

My children are currently four and eighteen months; in two and a half years both will be at school and I should have more time to myself then. At the moment things are very full on and I’m juggling a lot of balls. I’m not going to be making permanent decisions because of temporary problems.

OP posts:

MostlyHappyMummy · 22/12/2024 10:18

I do understand that it's daunting taking care of 2 young children alone when being outside the house isn't a proper option for the reasons you have given.
one child at a time would work fine but sadly your issue is having children with an arsehole therefore the only solution is to separate
was he the same after the first child?

Bumblebeestiltskin · 22/12/2024 10:16

Sounds tough, OP, I remember when my daughter was small(er) feeling similar, guilty, thoughts. She's 7 now and a joy to be around (most of the time!), plus me and her dad are split up (HINT HINT), so we share the holidays 50/50.

Bornnotbourne · 22/12/2024 10:16

Really wish people wouldn’t recommend divorce as a way to get a break. I used to think this but you’ve only got to look at the stats for men still seeing their children and paying for them after divorce.
Sure for a handful of women they get maintenance and a fair divorce settlement. But in my experience (my social circle are currently hitting the age of divorce)the vast majority of women are left single handed looking after the children on the disgustingly small amounts of money CMS give them, while their feckless ex husband waltz off to knock up some other poor unsuspecting woman whilst playing the victim.

Original poster

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:13

FarmerLlama · 22/12/2024 10:06

There really is no point in this thread, you just want to snipe and be bitchy

And that comment had so much point to it 😂

Actually there has been a point. Some posters have been lovely. Don’t worry, you haven’t been one of them.

OP posts:

CautiousLurker01 · 22/12/2024 10:08

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/12/2024 05:33

Why are you standing for this shit behaviour from your partner? Poor kids, and poor you, he needs to step up! And if he’s that useless perhaps 2025 calls for a new approach… just saying.

Edited

This - tell him if he doesn’t step up, you’ll get a divorce and he have have 50% custody where he’ll have no choice but to look after them…

Bornnotbourne · 22/12/2024 10:08

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:03

Would be amazing if I had the money; I don’t.

Our local council gym has a crèche which is £5.50 an hour. There are also websites that provide babysitting services.

FarmerLlama · 22/12/2024 10:06

There really is no point in this thread, you just want to snipe and be bitchy

Original poster

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:03

Would be amazing if I had the money; I don’t.

OP posts:

Bornnotbourne · 22/12/2024 09:57

@BeatrizBoniface i was going to suggest a nanny service or joining a gym that has childcare facilities.
Op people come up with practical solutions as they feel your desperation and want to help.

Original poster

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 09:56

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:51

What would you like people to say, @nonotchristmas ?
If you don't want children's activity suggestions, do you want relationship advice? Peri support?
You don't want to be with your children over Christmas. What kind of help do you think you need?

At this stage, nothing. To be honest, I’ve looked back through the thread and I really haven’t said anything that bad other than the last couple of pages which were rude in response to rude responses about me. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that if they make a rude, snarky comment about someone they’ll get one back.

I said halfway into the thread something like ‘anyone suggesting Christmas crafts needs to be forced to sit in a toilet where someone has eaten sprouts for a week’ which was a probably lame attempt at a joke but hardly akin to telling someone to fuck off and really not worthy of all this huffing and self righteous discussion amongst Mumsnetters that I am beyond help because I’m not meekly agreeing that the advice I’ve had is amazing (it’s not) that I’m so grateful (I do actually appreciate many replies and have said so, but some are ridiculous) and that my life problems are now resolved.

Most things can’t be wrapped up (ha) in the course of a thread. It’s a rant, a sound off. I thought it had wrapped up (oh the puns) but I woke up to see a new round of Op Is So Very Rude Isn’t She and bit back.

OP posts:

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:53

Maybe you could work for the next 2 weeks and pay someone else to care for them and do Christmas.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:51

What would you like people to say, @nonotchristmas ?
If you don't want children's activity suggestions, do you want relationship advice? Peri support?
You don't want to be with your children over Christmas. What kind of help do you think you need?

Original poster

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 09:50

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:48

You're trying to be helpful, but the OP has made it very clear that she doesn't want suggestions for activities. See her response at 09.11.....

Show quote history

Well yes, sorry, I don’t. MN fixates obsessively either on putting on puddle suits even when there are red weather warnings in place or on long baths; I think Mumsnetters must have the cleanest kids alive!

OP posts:

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:48

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/12/2024 09:43

There are Some good ideas here.
I was one who went to the park a lot ; take a football and if you have a carrier put your little one in that while you concentrate on your older child. I also used to take them to look round the shop windows, choose a decoration and have a drink of milk in the supermarket cafe. I would avoid soft play like the plague pit it is at this time of year. We live only about an hour from the coast so a fiddle about on the beach is bracing and uses up a day. Will your swimming pool be open? That's a very tiring activity that you could do as a family or with your older child. All the usual indoor activities with boxes and den making are good in the winter. Your DH needs to step up but not doing things your way isn't necessarily the 'wrong' way .

You're trying to be helpful, but the OP has made it very clear that she doesn't want suggestions for activities. See her response at 09.11.....

Original poster

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 09:47

@PicturePlace some stuff won’t. But sure I’ll go to the GP and explain my DS isn’t interested in crafts or Christmas films and that’s been construed as my being negative and therefore I need mental heath treatment. I’m sure they will take that very seriously.

And I know that’s sarcastic and bitchy and I’m sorry for it really. But I wasn’t posting from a point of oh gee, these holidays will be challenging, I wonder what great ideas MN have to help me entertain my little munchkins it was more FFS, I’ve got them for two fucking weeks and I am so not in the mood for soft play and toys!

OP posts:

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:47

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 22/12/2024 09:39

@BeatrizBoniface You're going to have to be very clear about parenting expectations. she cannot be clear about parenting expectations because she is too busy being rude and sarcastic to virtually everyone who is trying to help her!! she must be a nightmare for her husband!! god help her if he decides to up and leave when he is sick to the back teeth of her moaning!!

Edited

You have a point!

yikesanotherbooboo · 22/12/2024 09:43

There are Some good ideas here.
I was one who went to the park a lot ; take a football and if you have a carrier put your little one in that while you concentrate on your older child. I also used to take them to look round the shop windows, choose a decoration and have a drink of milk in the supermarket cafe. I would avoid soft play like the plague pit it is at this time of year. We live only about an hour from the coast so a fiddle about on the beach is bracing and uses up a day. Will your swimming pool be open? That's a very tiring activity that you could do as a family or with your older child. All the usual indoor activities with boxes and den making are good in the winter. Your DH needs to step up but not doing things your way isn't necessarily the 'wrong' way .

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 09:41

I would agree with this. However, I think some people don't cope well with "normal life" when it brings extra challenges, and she definitely needs the support of the DH, and they both need to make changes.

Agreed.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 22/12/2024 09:39

@BeatrizBoniface You're going to have to be very clear about parenting expectations. she cannot be clear about parenting expectations because she is too busy being rude and sarcastic to virtually everyone who is trying to help her!! she must be a nightmare for her husband!! god help her if he decides to up and leave when he is sick to the back teeth of her moaning!!

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:36

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 09:32

You do realise that mental health treatment doesn't make people in stressful challenging situations suddenly feel good about those situations, right? It isn't like some lobotomising positivity treatment that turns people into Stepford wives / mothers. Just checking you're clear on that.

Eh? I am talking about the OP's negative thought patterns (the "it couldn't possibly work" in response to every idea), and her strong negative reaction at the thought of spending time with her children, and her insistence that everything her DH does is wrong. These are signs of depression, and should be addressed.

Everything else the OP describes is just normal life (kids home for school holidays, it's cold outside), and can be much easier to deal with (enjoyable, even), once the depression is addressed.

We have a responsibility to ourselves but also to our families to address our poor mental health.

I would agree with this. However, I think some people don't cope well with "normal life" when it brings extra challenges, and she definitely needs the support of the DH, and they both need to make changes.
Dreading the Christmas break is not good.

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 09:34

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 09:11

Thanks. I don’t need MH treatment, just sleep. DH has actually been more helpful yesterday than of late and I’ve also started a (short, painful) period (perimenopause.)

I shall apologise to all those horribly offended by my terrible rudeness in pointing out I don’t need suggestions for ways to entertain my children, I will lie and say Oh wow! Thank you so much, it hadn’t occurred to me to take them out! Mumsnet is just so helpful <simper>

Why do you think you don't need mental health help?

Coupled with starting the peri-menopause, you should start HRT as soon as possible.

You really do need to take responsibility for sorting yourself out.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 09:33

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 09:11

Thanks. I don’t need MH treatment, just sleep. DH has actually been more helpful yesterday than of late and I’ve also started a (short, painful) period (perimenopause.)

I shall apologise to all those horribly offended by my terrible rudeness in pointing out I don’t need suggestions for ways to entertain my children, I will lie and say Oh wow! Thank you so much, it hadn’t occurred to me to take them out! Mumsnet is just so helpful <simper>

Young children are very demanding, and it feels relentless. You're tired, and you're resentful about your DH who is, apparently, useless.
This needs to be reset.
You're going to have to be very clear about parenting expectations.

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 09:32

You do realise that mental health treatment doesn't make people in stressful challenging situations suddenly feel good about those situations, right? It isn't like some lobotomising positivity treatment that turns people into Stepford wives / mothers. Just checking you're clear on that.

Eh? I am talking about the OP's negative thought patterns (the "it couldn't possibly work" in response to every idea), and her strong negative reaction at the thought of spending time with her children, and her insistence that everything her DH does is wrong. These are signs of depression, and should be addressed.

Everything else the OP describes is just normal life (kids home for school holidays, it's cold outside), and can be much easier to deal with (enjoyable, even), once the depression is addressed.

We have a responsibility to ourselves but also to our families to address our poor mental health.