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Original poster

To be dreading the holiday

285 replies

nonotchristmas · 21/12/2024 01:28

I broke up today. Kids off for two weeks. They go to private day nursery but because of the days they do (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays) they are in Monday and then that’s it, because Wednesday is of course Christmas Day and nursery is closed for a week so the next day they are in is Friday 3rd January.

And I know I’m going to be roasted like the turkey for this but I’m dreading it. Two weeks where I won’t get a single break from them, in the house they fight and whine and the youngest follows me round crying to be picked up all the time. Feeding them is increasingly expensive and challenging. Entertaining them is a nightmare, I’ve booked a few things but everything is so expensive again with a Christmas premium on it, I know I’ll get told to ‘just take them to the park’ but please don’t: parks are absolutely lethal with a completely fearless preschooler and a cheery but clueless toddler: slippy equipment the slip on and smash their chins open (ask me how I know) so soft play it is, again and again and again.

But it’s the day in day out nature of it. It’s knackering and two full weeks of it is hideous. And expensive. And help me

OP posts:
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Original poster
nonotchristmas · 24/12/2024 09:28

It Is definitely bothering some of you more than me. I started the thread at 3 am with PMT but still, days later, it carries on, my poor kids, why haven’t you LTB yet Confused

I think I found the other thread. Different colour. Different poster. But if I was that poster, outing a NC is a shitty thing to do.

To be dreading the holiday
To be dreading the holiday
OP posts:
PicturePlace · 24/12/2024 09:10

In OP's situation, I just believe that if her DH miraculously turned into a caring hands-on dad who took on at least half the child caring load, if her children enjoyed the same sort of activities making it easier to make both children happy at the same time and if money was no object to pay for the sort of expensive activites that both children would enjoy, OP would feel differently.

This is a ridiculous list. "If only everything was entirely different and if only my children were different people, then I wouldn't be fucking miserable"...or..."I am fucking miserable and have negative thought patterns, which I am blaming my family for rather than sorting myself out".

thepariscrimefiles · 24/12/2024 08:33

Whatabouthow · 22/12/2024 15:54

It's probably because you've posted a couple of times in the last few weeks (with name changes of course) about how your second child has ruined your life and won't sit in a high chair (although I'm actually with you on that not being relevant). All that comes across is how desperate you are to not spend time with them and how the world is against you. That's not a normal way to view motherhood.

Show quote history

Please provide links to these threads and proof that OP is the same poster. Lots of people find it difficult going from 1 child to 2 children and post on Mumsnet about it. It certainly isn't a unique experience that can only apply to OP.

thepariscrimefiles · 24/12/2024 08:26

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 12:25

No she doesn't. She is angry and sad about her situation for good reason but that doesn't mean that she has mental health problems.

Is there some weird stigma about seeking help for your mental health going on here? Aren't we past that as a society?

What a ridiculous thing to say. There should be no stigma about seeking help for mental health issues if that is what people have.

In OP's situation, I just believe that if her DH miraculously turned into a caring hands-on dad who took on at least half the child caring load, if her children enjoyed the same sort of activities making it easier to make both children happy at the same time and if money was no object to pay for the sort of expensive activites that both children would enjoy, OP would feel differently.

My maternal family has a history of severe mental health problems, including bipolar disorder and a number of family members took their own lives. I take mental health extremely seriously but I just don't think it's as simple as telling OP to visit her GP to seek help for mental health.

Manypaws · 23/12/2024 20:23

It's tough when they are that age and can't amuse themselves

No helpful suggestions OP just GinWine

Nc546888 · 23/12/2024 19:58

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/12/2024 10:25

Could you team up with another parent with similar age children? Taking it in turns to have them all for say 2 hours, or look after them all together, would be a break. But really this should be DHs role.

I think that’s a good idea but I don’t think OP is the sort of person that would cope with looking after 4 small children for any length of time even a couple of hours

Original poster
nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 16:37

What?

My second child has ruined my life because she won’t sit in a high chair (she does) - what?

OP posts:
Whatabouthow · 22/12/2024 15:54

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 11:37

I’m not even particularly unhappy or angry. I was yesterday but that was exhaustion / PMT.

And I honestly don’t know how people have managed to conclude that I don’t want to spend any time with my children because I’m daunted at two week, bad weather, usual haunts shut. I appreciate a break from them, even if that ‘break’ is only ‘going to work’! I don’t think that is that unusual and certainly isn’t in need of urgent MH support Confused

It's probably because you've posted a couple of times in the last few weeks (with name changes of course) about how your second child has ruined your life and won't sit in a high chair (although I'm actually with you on that not being relevant). All that comes across is how desperate you are to not spend time with them and how the world is against you. That's not a normal way to view motherhood.

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 12:25

No she doesn't. She is angry and sad about her situation for good reason but that doesn't mean that she has mental health problems.

Is there some weird stigma about seeking help for your mental health going on here? Aren't we past that as a society?

Hercisback1 · 22/12/2024 11:50

Now you just sound sarky. What do you want from this thread? A moan is fine but say that's what you want, and don't be rude to people trying to help.

Your husband being crap is a long term problem. He won't magically step up when they start school.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 11:42

Nothatgingerpirate · 22/12/2024 11:36

Oh, nice for your sister, I suppose!

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Well, I'm going to say it suited her.

Suusue · 22/12/2024 11:41

You poor thing. I know exactly how you feel as I took had a completely useless selfish so called partner. Get rid of him. Then you will feel much better as it really is only you to do everything. You will feel much less angry and upset. Kids grow up and it will get easier.

Original poster
nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 11:37

I’m not even particularly unhappy or angry. I was yesterday but that was exhaustion / PMT.

And I honestly don’t know how people have managed to conclude that I don’t want to spend any time with my children because I’m daunted at two week, bad weather, usual haunts shut. I appreciate a break from them, even if that ‘break’ is only ‘going to work’! I don’t think that is that unusual and certainly isn’t in need of urgent MH support Confused

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 22/12/2024 11:36

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 10:32

Because she's so unhappy and so angry, she can't actually see her children in a positive way, or consider that 2 weeks with them is anything other than a chore.
My sister was similar, they ended up getting a live in nanny so that she just worked and pleased herself.

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Oh, nice for your sister, I suppose!

stargirl1701 · 22/12/2024 11:21

Church, OP. Use any and every local church service you can. Look out for family services who often provide some childcare within the service itself. You'll likely be able to get a cuppa at the end whilst your children play with other children.

I would plan to ditch your DH before next Christmas.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 10:33

TheaBrandt · 22/12/2024 10:27

It is a stage just cling onto that! In 14 years they will bin you and you will be desperate for them to come to Christmas stuff with you but you will be dumped in favour of mates 😀

There's a lot of stuff to get through in the next 14 years!

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 10:32

Nothatgingerpirate · 22/12/2024 10:24

I have seen some things in life, since childhood.
Where is the unfairness towards the OP?
How did my mother and grandmother (and millions of others) manage?
Why is getting up early viewed almost as torture?
Baffled.

Because she's so unhappy and so angry, she can't actually see her children in a positive way, or consider that 2 weeks with them is anything other than a chore.
My sister was similar, they ended up getting a live in nanny so that she just worked and pleased herself.

thepariscrimefiles · 22/12/2024 10:30

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 10:20

You desperately need some mental health help, OP. I'm not sure why you're so resistant to it. Life can (and is!) easier than you are experiencing it to be.

Show quote history

No she doesn't. She is angry and sad about her situation for good reason but that doesn't mean that she has mental health problems.

PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 10:29

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:21

I really don’t Confused what the hell 😂

Why do you think that? Your negative thought patterns are prime symptoms of depression. Why are you so reluctant to take responsibility for yourself?

TheaBrandt · 22/12/2024 10:27

It is a stage just cling onto that! In 14 years they will bin you and you will be desperate for them to come to Christmas stuff with you but you will be dumped in favour of mates 😀

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/12/2024 10:25

Could you team up with another parent with similar age children? Taking it in turns to have them all for say 2 hours, or look after them all together, would be a break. But really this should be DHs role.

Nothatgingerpirate · 22/12/2024 10:24

I have seen some things in life, since childhood.
Where is the unfairness towards the OP?
How did my mother and grandmother (and millions of others) manage?
Why is getting up early viewed almost as torture?
Baffled.

Original poster
nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 10:21

I really don’t Confused what the hell 😂

OP posts:
PicturePlace · 22/12/2024 10:20

nonotchristmas · 22/12/2024 09:47

@PicturePlace some stuff won’t. But sure I’ll go to the GP and explain my DS isn’t interested in crafts or Christmas films and that’s been construed as my being negative and therefore I need mental heath treatment. I’m sure they will take that very seriously.

And I know that’s sarcastic and bitchy and I’m sorry for it really. But I wasn’t posting from a point of oh gee, these holidays will be challenging, I wonder what great ideas MN have to help me entertain my little munchkins it was more FFS, I’ve got them for two fucking weeks and I am so not in the mood for soft play and toys!

You desperately need some mental health help, OP. I'm not sure why you're so resistant to it. Life can (and is!) easier than you are experiencing it to be.

BeatrizBoniface · 22/12/2024 10:20

Bornnotbourne · 22/12/2024 09:57

@BeatrizBoniface i was going to suggest a nanny service or joining a gym that has childcare facilities.
Op people come up with practical solutions as they feel your desperation and want to help.

I would agree with this.