This bloody dog will be the death of me

I used to have a doberman who was mad. I left a crate of sparkling water in the hallway once. 2 litres bottles x 10. He took them into the lounge and threw/punctured every bottle. 20 litres of sparkling water in my carpet it looked like a flood it took weeks to dry out.

That dog has since died. I now have a toy breed that's very very small and delicate. Yesterday I put some gifts from my mum under the tree. I didn't realise any were food. I had been upstairs when heard a noise from the other room and came in to find she had been working at a wrapped biscuit box for 2 hours. Looked like a mouse has been at it. Thankfully confiscated before she actually got into the double cookies inside but she was very very close.

One of mine specialises in long grass, and then gets very uncomfortable with it sticking out of her bum,so I have to pull it out. If you see me in the park pulling long grass out of a dogs bum, please say nothing and go throw up away, far away in case my dog eats it.

The other loves to chew balls and for some time we had rubberised balls for the longevity. Many colours. Until I saw multicoloured poo that I had to pick up. So now its chukits and only chukits.

They both found a huge ham joint somewhere in the forest and proudly brought it to me, were most upset when told not allowed. To this day I wonder where the hell they got it from and why it was left in the forest.

One stole my piece of chocolate from my plate. Having never shown signs of wanting chocolate before I thought I'd be ok leaving my plate on the side of the chair while I answered the door. Came back to my chair after putting parcel away, puzzled as no chocolate, noticed dog looking decidely guilty. Have to tell her many many times to drop. Eventually out comes an intact piece of slightly melted chocolate.

So far that's the worst. May it stay that way.

Love all these stories! We used to have a couple of cocker spaniels. On one occasion DH was sent outside to investigate the rear end of one of them who appeared to be losing part of his intestine! Turned out he’d stolen a packet of sausages from somewhere and the plastic wrapper was filling with gas and appearing under his tail! On another occasion DH brought both of them home from a walk where they’d jumped into a muddy ditch. He hosed them off and put them in the garage to dry off. They managed to open a bag of cement and rolled in it. By the time we found them one of them looked like Gnasher from the Beano and had to had a trim with my dressmaking scissors!! Loved them both to bits and was very upset when they died but we don’t miss the messes they got into.

Getting drunk and eating crap, sounds like a lot of old human men to be honest. He clearly is not bovvered.

I don't own a dog but dd does
I was once walking him,when I stopped to chat to a friend
Little sod found and ate a full pizza he'd found behind a bin-the pizza was bigger than he is
(I thought he was next to me-to be fair,he was but a bit further than i thought)
This was about 8 years ago but he loves walking down that street and always has a look at the same spot,just in case another one appears

Same dog once chomped his way through the gusset of my clean pants
I didn't notice,chucked them on and buggered off to work
Had been there about 20 minutes when I felt a gush of fresh air-theyd finally snapped

Little git somehow found and ate a chocolate cream cake and ate the lot-no ill effects at all

A friends dog once ate a sainsburys carrier bag-he noticed when he saw something orange sticking out of her bum

My sons dog ate a bowl of pasta-my lunch that day
I turned my back for a second

Same dog ate a pringles lid,a stuffed Teddy bear and the velcro from his dad's shoe

Another mates dog ate the chocolates from his human sisters posh advent calendar (god know how he got to it-it was on top of the fridge) and the Christmas turkey that was resting on the side-bones and all
He pooed bones for days

I don't see Labrador in him.

I don't know whether to be relieved or feel left out as all my dog has eaten is soft tiny bits of her toys she likes to tear up. Everything crossed trips to the vet for removal stay at zero.

Aww bless him, he looks adorable. And clearly still a cheeky beggar despite his years.

my old dog and cat used to team up to get things out the bin, I’d hear the lid go and run in to them scarpering out the kitchen 😂

We had to un-decorate the Christmas tree last weekend because DDog kept stealing the baubles off it and chewing them.

Luckily, I'd intentionally not put expensive or glass ones on because I was expecting his tail to knock some off.

This is the plainest Christmas we've ever had.

I love him 😍

Sorry but 🤣.

Looks so innocent.

I had to chuckle at Simon having a munch on the vets shoe laces, he's unstoppable. What a dude
.

OMG. You win! 😳

Going for a walk on the farm is my dog’s idea of heaven: a poo buffet. Rabbit and sheep poo preferred, all poo acceptable.

He definitely had some good stories to tell when he got up there!

He also went missing in North Greece, high up in the mountains. He eventually showed up a month later, extremely skinny and covered in (someone else's) blood. There are bears and wild pigs in those mountains so God knows what he got up to.

Love the idea of them both in it together, like the burglars in “Home Alone”😆

Ooh, that innocent face! 😆 Give him a big Christmassy hug from me!

Love that he’s just cracking on, in a sort of “age is just a number, I’m growing old disgracefully” sort of way!

Bless him, Merry Christmas Pupper🐾🐾

@AngelicKaty I just did that too and he enjoyed it just as much

I couldn't agree more. I've been waiting for DH to come downstairs so I could read OP's post to him - he thought it was hilarious too! 😂😂😂(As are many of the replies.)

I'm laughing too! He looks and sounds like a real character,

Your writing style is brilliant OP - I loved reading your initial post.

On a walk in town (very busy), I saw a long white worm sticking out of my dog’s backside. I when to a slightly less busy side street and tried to work out what to do as the dog was getting agitated. I pulled it. A whole bright white tampon popped out. Not of a variety we have in our home. I would like to think it was ingested clean but I expect the blood could have been digested. I have no idea how he ate it.

You'll enjoy this then

https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/jdhykj/just_a_bunch_of_different_corgi_mixes/

That's an uncalled for comment.

OP might have insurance she needs to claim on or has had to dip into savings/borrow it.

You don't know their situation and tbh their finances isn't any of your business.