To think that Christmas is just a nightmare for a lot of people.

I have groups of friends who do the gift buying, it does my head in - they say it’s the only time they get presents and it makes them feel all warm and fuzzy - it’s a toil - I don’t feel warm and fuzzy when I buy their gift it’s just another job done - we’re all a bit stupid to buy into this nonsense.

100 presets per child I meant

Hppiestwhen I agree totally. I saw on recent thread ,someone on Instagram was saying some families had 100 pounds per child! Crazy.conversely some children had no presents and had to lie when back at school. On the One show this week a chap had a small charity where they helped people with gifts and food .Well done him!

I am sick of Christmas tbh. I find it stressful and expensive. I am a part of a book club (8 of us) and a women's social club (12 of us) and each year we usually have a lunch for each (£30-£40 each) and everyone seems to have gotten into the habit of buying gifts for each member of the group (£10 ish each). That's nearly £300 on food and crap before you even get to thinking about gifts for the children and family members and the food etc. This year I declined all invitations really really early on (months ago) because I just don't have that sort of cash spare (or anywhere close) and have had people texting to say they will drop my gifts off for me or have left it on the doorstep, which means I feel a social obligation to reciprocate. In previous years I have tried arguing for a secret santa so it's only 2 gifts not 20, but that's gone down like a cup of sick. Everyone is either retired and wealthy or working and relatively wealthy and they all know we are lucky enough to be solvent, but fuck me I don't want to just piss money up the wall on scented candles and scarves. I have an account where I put money away each month to budget for Christmas but even with that I find it all a financial struggle.

Added to that are the family relationship stresses. I have pretty horror-filled memories of childhood Christmases as my mother would freak out at trying to please everyone; her side of the family played mind-fuck games with each other and now I refuse to get involved with all that and only have christmas with my immediate family and DH's family. No massive 'family reunions' as it used to be and certainly no situations where 30 people try to squish into a bungalow and sleep everywhere all on the floor and sofas all in the name of 'a proper family christmas' where no-one really likes each other and the drinks flow as a coping mechanism (and with all the fallout that brings).

So I guess I am pretty bah humbug.

Christmas can be difficult for many people for lots of reasons, but affording presents is far from the worst.

Children do get presents when their parents can’t pay for them. school children were sent home with presents if they are on FSM and there are other charities and food banks that will give children presents.

I think parents on UC should get a decent bonus so they can buy presents for their kids.

so when they get the money do you really think every single person will definitely 100% spend it on Christmas presents for their kids?

I think you're being naive, but well-meaning.

Well you don't have to. Me, DH & DS stay home Christmas Day just the 3 of us. Me and DH always book a day off to do shopping early December, wrap presents over a takeaway and order the food shop together and then have an easy meal on the actual day and just enjoy spending time together. We don't do mountains of presents, we see family ideally during the time off work, but if not we face time and we see them throughout the year anyway. We didn't have big christmasses growing up because of money, now we are fortunate enough to not be in that position but don't see the need.

There was a double Children’s Allowance (monthly payment to all parents, where I live) this year (Nov & Dec). I agree with it.

My mum was only saying that it’s a whole lot of hard work for women. Shopping, presents, clean house, get food, cook dinner. Clean up afterwards. Serve everyone on the day. Breakfast & dinner. And everything else…

Meanwhile, most men are in the pub having a laugh. On the day itself, the only concern of my dad & BIL is which wines & craft beers they’ll choose. What to watch on telly. I come from a patriarchal household, typical of where I live.

I don’t want to mirror this for my son. But the fact is, I’ve dine most of it, and will be working & getting the house ready until the last minute. And doing the presents on Christmas Eve. DH is doing the bird. But he has Man Flu, too!

Just say no.
Spread your family visits out throughout the year.
Quick call/ face time Christmas Day - then relax at home with a sherry and yummy food.

Another thread said 90 % of issues could be solved on mn if the person just said No.
this is definitely one of those times.

Just stick to your no present rule - for all.
This year I've not bothered with cards -,apart from 4 aunts over 80
Felt a bit odd - but no one's bothered.
Give a visit - make a five minute call, chat pleasantly to checkout staff/ dog walkers / the bin man.
Pick up a bit of shopping for a neighbour
Spread joy that way without all consumerism.

For me it's just another exercise in trying to keep everyone happy and failing. And I'm not even taking about gifts. It's the having to go and see family etc and spreading yourself so thin.

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting

You can cut gift giving right back. I have. I only buy for my adult children now. I will tip my hairdresser and the lady who does my nails.

It's a nonsense. Giving a gift of a roughly approximate value to the gift that they are going to give you. CBA.
*
Exactly
You have to cut your cloth...
It really is a choice.
A nice meal - doesn't have to be that expensive or fancy - but yummy , nutritious food.
Shared around the table with family/ friends- even if just the 2 of you
Minimal presents (children only)
Love and laughter all free.
I can remember one Christmas we had to cut right back - and we (including the 4 kids) had one of the best Christmas' of all.
It was about togetherness and relaxing - switching the world off for abit.

Something to note - Most families on UC both actually work , just in low paid jobs.

Yes I agree. It breaks my heart that there are kids who get nothing or maybe one small thing , they see all the other kids in their class getting big things and wonder why they haven't , and must wonder if it's because they are bad 😭 I think Christmas has been too ott for years now, we need to wind it back and let our kids see the real meaning of Christmas.

I just feel like Christmas has been totally sensationalised. People getting themselves into horrendous amounts of debt. You see it on here every day. Worrying that they haven't bought enough. Comparing present piles. Comparing financial spend. Terrible. I've been trying to get no presents rule for years. Everyone respects it apart from the hardest person to buy for in the world. It's ridiculous. It causes me months of stress and mostly the recipient is disappointed. Such a waste of money. I give to those in need at Christmas, that's my presents bought.

Not sure how any people are in your family but if you have say, 6 or more do Bad Santa with a max spend of 10 or 20. Ask everyone coming to bring one specific food item.
If you have little kids there seem to be a lot ot those " giving trees". Could you add your kids name to that?
Sorry for your situation

Christmas must be incredibly difficult for those solely on universal credit-sometimes it is only just enough to cover bills and basics; with Christmas being rammed down everyone's throats earlier and earlier and the narrative of naughty/nice for receiving presents for children, it carries an awful lot of guilt if you can't afford the latest tech/mountains of presents. We both work but are not high earners. A few years back I started sticking to a budget I could actually manage rather than trying to get the latest gadget/trends and being wiped out until at least the end of January. Mine are teens now so its a bit easier. We are happier and I always make sure we have quality family time playing games and laughing as much as possible.

That being said, there are some charities that will help with Christmas presents-which I know is hardly an ideal solution, but at least does help some families struggling.

The PIP and Carers’ one-off Christmas bonus of £10 always makes me laugh (hollowly). I mean, why fucking bother? What I am supposed to do with that - eat like a king and enjoy proper heating for the twelve days of Christmas on an extra tenner? Give over.

I’d rather the government either kept the money and improved the claims process, or at least made the amount meaningful and increased it with inflation.

They give handouts to many countries, why not their own people.

The taxpayer pays out for lots of things less worthy.
In Ireland anyone receiving social sssistance gets double money at Christmas time to ease the cost of Christmas.

So why don’t you just enjoy your day off work? You don’t have to “celebrate”. Politely decline offers for Christmas lunch or dinner. Let your family know you aren’t doing gifts etc and then don’t. Don’t accept gifts - and pop any that do come your way straight into the charity box unopened.

If you don’t want to do Christmas don’t. You can’t stop society doing Christmas any more than you can stop other people celebrating and doing a lot for a sporting event. But you can just not engage if you don’t want to.

Day to day living is a nightmare for many people. Christmas can make people feel guilty, because it’s something that clearly highlights what you can’t afford for your family when you want to.

School is a nightmare for much the same reasons. And any sort of extra curricula activity (sport, music etc). And your kids being invited to an event you can’t fund. Frankly anything in day to day life that highlights for your children what they don’t have is a nightmare (especially for the parents).

It’s also a time that heightens experiences of loneliness and isolation, and is incredibly nightmareish for many adults for this reason.

It’s a time where family loss and emotions around that can be heightened too - coping without loved ones as a time that used to be about celebrating with them.

But Christmas isn’t the cause of any of these issues - it just puts a spotlight on them. Poor people who cannot afford food, housing, a smaller gift of something fun at Christmas aren’t better off if Christmas wasn’t happening. Likewise the bereaved would associate family with other times if there wasn’t Christmas (or they didn’t celebrate), and the lonely and isolated aren’t alone because of Christmas it’s just more noticeable because it is. In a community where Christmas wasn’t a major holiday all these things would just happen at a different time.

Major societal effort is needed to address inequality and poverty, mental health, loneliness etc. How you vote matters - but there are no quick fixes. If you want to make Christmas better for others - volunteer, reach out to people around you, change how you do Christmas so it’s less consumer based.

And if you’re struggling reach out. Call a help line. Phone a friend. Find a food kitchen. Accept charity and support from others.

Christmas is a nightmare for a lot of people. I'm not sure what you expect a relatively new government to do about it?

As a grown up it's hard to look back on the Christmases I had as a child as anything but incredibly difficult for DM who was a single mother to three of us.

There are charities who offer help and gifts to children who are in need. I hope the kids who need that help receive it.

Nope, I do not want to pay more taxes to pay bonuses to buy gifts.

I've worked my entire life to be able to have the money to buy gifts. While there are very genuine claimants of benefits, there's all too many that are career benefits claimants and why the hell should I fund them?!!