To think that Christmas is just a nightmare for a lot of people.

Whether a gift is necessary to our wellbeing or not is a different question. No one ‘needs’ presents. But it is a societal norm/expectation in this country and at this time, and the shops, adverts, television shows, children’s books etc make a massive thing of it. You can’t just pretend that lots of children are not getting any gifts at Christmas and that your own children should be cool about getting nothing. Especially when gifts are linked with being ‘good’. So most parents will do their best to give their children something even if they have to do without other essentials or get into debt. This is wrong. And a few quid of taxpayer money would be well spent if it takes this pressure off - fairer and more dignified than leaving it to charities.

Good diet, healthcare and education are very different to plastic toys for a made up holiday. The former are necessities, the latter is unnecessary nonsense.

The tax payer should not be subsidising tax breaks for rich people who don’t want to contribute to the society that makes them wealthy but would keep more of the benefits to themselves.

All of Society benefits when all children grow up with a good diet, health care, decent education, life experiences etc. If parents can’t afford to provide this under the current economic model there is something badly wrong. There is certainly enough money and resources.

Xmas presents are not a necessity in life, end of.

That ridiculous idea works very well.in more civilised countries.
And perhaps you could supply the time machine for all.the people who had children they could.afford and then life meant they couldn't?

The tax payer should not be footing the bill so parents can buy presents for kids during Xmas, what a ridiculous idea. If you can't afford to buy things for your kids, maybe you shouldn't have had so many kids? It's not the problem the rest of us should have to foot the bill for, esp since it's nowhere near a necessity.

I’m a single mum, I only buy for my child and our Christmas meal came from the local church for children on free school meals. It was all lovely.

I get it @TruthThatsHardAsSteel and @WinterCrow has some good advice.
I've had to remove my boundary. I wish I'd never put in down.
Not much I can do this year but I'm thinking when I can no contact is the only way to go.
I've been Have a good Christmas-ed today by a fellow dog walker. They're just words but I find hard to hear.

I quite like this guy from the US. He explains things well, and breaks concepts down to a practical level without droning on. He's called Jerry Wise.

Hope the linky works.

And @WaveyGodshawk, you're absolutely right about this

A ten pound bonus is pathetically insulting imo

I honestly think the UK government should stick it up their arses just keep it.

Ah, the parent-who-cannot-be-pleased. That's a tough one.

There a few really good, short(ish) You Tube videos about dealing with parents like this. They tend to be mostly about parents with narcissistic traits but are nevertheless relevant for dealing with any hard-to-please parent when you are an adult child.

I'll see if I can link to one later in the day maybe. I really should be asleep but my mind's whirring.

I wish I could. It's my only surviving parent who'd go ballistic. It's just not worth the hassle of non compliance. I've tried for so many years. It's awful. The stress I get myself into is on me, you're absolutely right. I wish I could just buy a token shitty present and not worry but I'd never hear the end of it. If I read what I said, I'd be giving the same advice as you. But it's just not that simple. Unfortunately.

The money I've given to charity will make a significant difference to a lot of people and I know it will for a fact as I know the person sending the money and I know what's being organised from it. That's what Christmas is about. I'm desperately trying not to be too outing.

Buying presents because it's December means nothing to me. I'd much rather nice gestures or sporadic gifts just because. The stress and expectations put on me are disgusting but I can't change that dynamic. I also don't want presents to open so it's not one sided.

Anyway, I'm upset and crying now. Thank you for your words

There are plenty of people who find the "Christmas is about family and togetherness" thing really depressing and pressurising too. It'll be just me and my mum who's 77. My dad died, my marriage went tits up because of infertility, so no kids. It's a bit bleak.

God yes. Do you remember the days when a stocking was colouring pencils and a satsuma, and a main present was a Ballerina Sindy? Laser shows, ice skating, Christmas Eve pyjamas Lapland, Christmas market trips to Europe weren't a thing.

Now the adverts tell you your Christmas is imperfect if you don't have a new sofa for your "guests" to park their behinds on.

I find it massively depressing.

Just because if was normalised when you were young doesn't mean it's right. I think the pov is risible. "I had it shit and so should you 20 years later." Nothing has got better.

What a shitty way to live working all the hours godsends to afford a home.

Something gone wrong somewhere. People scrabbling about to work every hour possible.

To be fair a second job was pretty normal when I was growing up in the 90s that’s how we saved up for our house deposits
Full-time nine till five doing something and then usually a bar job in the evenings in the weekends.
Do we still have pubs and bars?

Why would you be taxed more? Maybe sort out the corporation tax and all that, there's be plenty of money.
So much begrudgerey. The UK is very dog eat dog on the bottom rungs. You could be better than this

Yes totally agree us tax payers should be taxed more in November just so those on UC can get a Christmas bonus payment to afford Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wtf

im living month to month atm, which in trying to change but…. How i combat it is, i work out how much Christmas costs me, divide that by 12 months and save that amount up so ive got enough to spend by Christmas. Cut out unnecessary presents. Look for deals in the run up

I think it is insane we have a system here where people working full time need to be on UC or working tax credits or whatever just in order to live. In my former and current workplace people work bloody hard on minimum wage and pretty much everyone has to have top-up benefits. I DO think work should pay properly. Yet we have just seen how so many small businesses and charities etc will be bankrupted by the rise of the minimum wage and NI etc. My current workplace (a charity with approx 20-ish) staff have announced they have 3 months in reserves and if they can't get extra funding for our projects then they will have to close. (Merry Christmas- announced that this week). My former workplace was in the private sector- a law firm. All support staff and trainee solicitors were paid minimum wage and needed top up benefits. Newly qualified solicitors up to 5 years post-quals earned London living wage and could not get by. The partners were driving new porsches and maseratis though. THAT sort of workplace was relying on the taxpapyer topping up their staff and were merrily pocketing lovely profits themselves. It stunk to high heaven.

Anyway- the Christmas pressure and wife work got to me yesterday and I had a meltdown and found myself in my local at 4 pm in the afternoon sobbing quietly into my white wine spritzer. It's been a stressful few weeks personally (and of course I'll probably lose my job) and DH was insensitive about something I needed help with and I unexpectedly just fell apart. Dh collected me and takeaway Chinese and it's all fine now but yes I need to reflect how to streamline Christmas. I think this thread has been helpful. Reminding me that alot of the pressure is coming from within- me trying to make it perfect. Not insta-worthy, but perfect for us. I'll probably get a bit more real about it today.

Had to laugh at someone saying get a 2nd job instead of relying on UC. I rely on UC helping me pay the childcare otherwise i couldn’t afford nursery so therefore could not work how exactly would getting a 2nd job help with that???!!!

I save a small amount of money each pay day towards christmas and the children’s birthdays. They get far less than a lot of children but seem fine. I don’t go mad with christmas food and don’t drink much and what i do buy o mainly buy from Aldi.

Whatever the parents issues/circumstances i think no child should go hungry or without a few christmas and birthday presents. Not many children will reach their full potential and break the cycle by living in poverty, inadequate housing and feeling worthless. Most likely cheaper to help them as a child than try and resolve issues as an adult.

OP, are you seriously suggesting that UC should pay claimants a Christmas bonus so that they can afford to buy more expensive presents???
When so many people just above the UC threshold are struggling to pay their bills, let alone larger Christmas presents???
No...just no.

Why would getting a second job be normalised. That is no way to live. It's the 21st century, we should be moving away from that kind of mindset.

Sorry you are completely unreasonable. You buy during the year, often lots of sales on,you get a second job rather than relay on UC ( and no you don’t get a bonus from the tax payer). Charity shops have good bargains if you are prepared to go looking for them.

You can have a very good Christmas on a small budget

Really?? Months of stress for a single person who presumably is an adults? That's on you. Just say no!

What the OP is suggesting isn’t unreasonable, in Ireland child benefit is not means tested and is €140 per child per month. We have 2 children and get €280 PM in CB. For November and December each child received a double CB payment, so with two children we received €560 in November and the same in December. Receiving €1,120 in the run up to Christmas is a huge help, even for families that are comfortable. For many families I’d say it paid for Christmas, or at least removed a huge amount of stress.