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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fortnums Hamper

87 replies

festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:12

My husband is the Director of a small family run business (it's not his business, he's an employee too) and he works a lot of hours. Weekends, holidays, evenings etc. Every year at this time of year he gets gifts from various people, some are gifts for the business and some are for him. He then chooses to share these out amongst all the staff equally.

AIBU to be really annoyed that the top dollar Fortnums Hamper that he was personally gifted for a huge amount of work he did as an individual, he split up into individual items so that everyone in the business got some of it? It required a lot of time away from our home and family, and didn't affect anyone else in the business. He then left the empty hamper itself in the office as he didn't consider it of any value.

OP posts:
Mirabai · 20/12/2024 23:58

isaidwhatisaidandimeantwhatisaid · 20/12/2024 23:36

I think if I'm being honest OP I'd feel the same as (I think) you do.

Which is: bloody hell, I'm at home holding the fort, the work you did on X project had a significant impact on me/our family and as part of our family team, I 'took the hit' for that which meant me putting in a ton of extra work on the family to accommodate your career whilst mine is on hold. Which is fine, and par for the course in our family set up. But now you've had a lovely expensive treat sent your way as a result of this AND YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT TO SHARE IT WITH ME? YOU FUCKER!

I mean yep, he's clearly a decent chap and a nice manager.

I hope he values you as part of his home team and the contribution you're making to your family, as much as he clearly values his work team.

This.

I’ve just been sent a gorgeous hamper as a surprise by a family member, I’m sorry you didn’t get to experience the same excitement OP.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/12/2024 23:52

Empty F&M hampers sell for loads so definitely get it back.

I totally get how you feel but wouldn’t stew over it. You see it as a big sign of his priorities, he thinks it’s a pile of comestibles.

Make sure he’s aware of the burden you feel his job is on the family if you think he isn’t.

typo

Poppyseeds79 · 20/12/2024 23:49

festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:42

You've hit the nail on the head - thank you - that's exactly it! I will be over it tomorrow - just needed a bit of a vent this evening

Show quote history

As some previous posters suggested though. Potentially it might have got him in trouble to just keep a high value gift for himself though (perceived bribe/kick back). Which wouldn't have been worth it in the long run.

isaidwhatisaidandimeantwhatisaid · 20/12/2024 23:49

@festivegripe I don't blame you... I hope he's got you a nice present under the tree!

Others also make a valid point, his company may well have rules about accepting gifts over a certain value that also mean he needed to distribute things rather than take them home. Lots do, especially financial services and the like.

Amybelle88 · 20/12/2024 23:48

He's a good guy.

I mean, I'd be gutted but I would know it was the right thing to do.

What a lovely fella.

Although, I'd want the actual hamper so tell him to bring it home 😂

sparkleandshine7 · 20/12/2024 23:47

Don't see why you are entitled to it tbh. Conflating the issues

Radishknot · 20/12/2024 23:46

Why not just get a hamper for yourselves? I polished off some truffles tonight out of mine.

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:42

isaidwhatisaidandimeantwhatisaid · 20/12/2024 23:36

I think if I'm being honest OP I'd feel the same as (I think) you do.

Which is: bloody hell, I'm at home holding the fort, the work you did on X project had a significant impact on me/our family and as part of our family team, I 'took the hit' for that which meant me putting in a ton of extra work on the family to accommodate your career whilst mine is on hold. Which is fine, and par for the course in our family set up. But now you've had a lovely expensive treat sent your way as a result of this AND YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT TO SHARE IT WITH ME? YOU FUCKER!

I mean yep, he's clearly a decent chap and a nice manager.

I hope he values you as part of his home team and the contribution you're making to your family, as much as he clearly values his work team.

You've hit the nail on the head - thank you - that's exactly it! I will be over it tomorrow - just needed a bit of a vent this evening

OP posts:
isaidwhatisaidandimeantwhatisaid · 20/12/2024 23:36

I think if I'm being honest OP I'd feel the same as (I think) you do.

Which is: bloody hell, I'm at home holding the fort, the work you did on X project had a significant impact on me/our family and as part of our family team, I 'took the hit' for that which meant me putting in a ton of extra work on the family to accommodate your career whilst mine is on hold. Which is fine, and par for the course in our family set up. But now you've had a lovely expensive treat sent your way as a result of this AND YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT TO SHARE IT WITH ME? YOU FUCKER!

I mean yep, he's clearly a decent chap and a nice manager.

I hope he values you as part of his home team and the contribution you're making to your family, as much as he clearly values his work team.

KnigCnut · 20/12/2024 23:33

Crispynoodle · 20/12/2024 23:24

Your hubby is genuinely a very nice man. This alone is worth so much more than a fortnum hamper

This says enough.
If the empty hamper is still there, ask him to bring that home.

Autumnblackberries · 20/12/2024 23:32

He sounds like a compassionate, leader full of wisdom.
As others have said his team will likely pay this forward in spades.
He did exactly the right thing. Good for him.

mynameiscalypso · 20/12/2024 23:30

Under our anti-bribery policies at work, I'd have to share a gift of that value with colleagues.

MissSookieStackhouse · 20/12/2024 23:30

He sounds like an excellent boss and his staff will really appreciate the gesture. Having the good will of his employees will benefit him (and you indirectly by him being less stressed) much more than bringing home a few jars of over priced jams and chutneys!

EauNeu · 20/12/2024 23:29

He's played a blinder here and this will be remembered when he next needs a favour from the staff. Good move on his behalf. Hopefully he has got you something fab for Xmas for all your support

KittensSchmittens · 20/12/2024 23:29

I'd be proud to be married to a good and generous man.

Businessflake · 20/12/2024 23:29

festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:23

Haha yes you are right - it's because he couldn't do what he does without me holding down the fort at home/putting my own career on hold. So I do feel entitled for all those nights away looking after the children solo etc.

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That’s the decision you have made as a family. Nothing to do with his work colleagues.

Radishknot · 20/12/2024 23:28

Sounds like the hamper is not the real issue!

Poppyseeds79 · 20/12/2024 23:28

If the empty hamper is still there can he not bring it home? I mean they are nice even when not full of biscuits and wine 😁

natwalesrug · 20/12/2024 23:27

Just be glad that your husband is not a greedy person and appreciates his staff!

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:24

Crispynoodle · 20/12/2024 23:24

Your hubby is genuinely a very nice man. This alone is worth so much more than a fortnum hamper

Haha yes you're right - I needed to hear this. Thank you

OP posts:
Crispynoodle · 20/12/2024 23:24

Your hubby is genuinely a very nice man. This alone is worth so much more than a fortnum hamper

Original poster
festivegripe · 20/12/2024 23:23

Sickofitalltonight · 20/12/2024 23:19

It's a good thing to do. I, and my colleagues, always share gifts like that.

Your posts suggests that you think that your are entitled to it, but it's your DH's to do with whatever he likes.

Haha yes you are right - it's because he couldn't do what he does without me holding down the fort at home/putting my own career on hold. So I do feel entitled for all those nights away looking after the children solo etc.

OP posts:
toastandtwo · 20/12/2024 23:23

I’d be sad to miss out on delicious goodies and pleased that I was married to a decent man. I love hearing from people that work with my husband that he’s a kind manager.

HairyToity · 20/12/2024 23:22

When I worked in private practice we'd share gifts... Never got a Fortnum hamper though. Such a gift might have been a RICS code of conduct issue.

I wouldn't object if similar happened with DH. Life's too short to get worked up by it.

growlum · 20/12/2024 23:21

It’s his gift, he can do as he chooses with it.
He was not being unreasonable to share it out, and you are not unreasonable to be disappointed. It’s just one of those things.