Fortnums Hamper

He is astute. He worked out that sharing this gift would give him numerous benefits at work. Taking it home for his wife would have been nice for you but would have possibly caused a degree of resentment at work. Despite the fact he works long hours he is no doubt well aware that he couldn't do it without a team of people supporting him that get very little in the way of expensive gifts.

Its been the standard everywhere I work to share Christmas gifts, its to make sure everyone in the company is acknowledged. A director pocketing a whole hamper is a really bad look, he would have lost a lot of respect if anyone found out.

Why don't you communicate to him you would like a F&M hamper next year so he can buy you one?

What a bunch of bitter nonsense. 🙄

It was a wonderful of your husband to share the F&M hamper. Many moons ago I use to work for the section of a major UK bank that kitted out the branches from waste bins to counter security screens. The stuff (especially booze) that was delivered over Xmas was unbelievable and was shared by all section staff, and was told the 'good' stuff was actually sent to direct to section head's home. Well done your hubby! 👏

I'd be quite proud of his actions. It is a decent thing to do and shows he values his team.

Hopefully you will still get a nice Christmas present.

Let it go. It was a gift received through work. He normally shares such gifts with his team and that will create good favour amongst them. His duty to you is to get you a different nice gift for all you do to enable this in your shared family life.

How lucky are you to be married to such a generous caring guy? Most of it would have been pretentious, overpriced and unnecessary anyway. Plus, you've said he always shares.

He sounds like a really decent person. You should be proud of him OP. I would still want him to retrieve the empty hamper though. We have several at home and the actual hamper is the best bit.

Yeah, I’d also be annoyed, annoyed with him but also annoyed with myself for wanting the bloody hamper even though I knew that I should just be grateful for having such a thoughtful husband

He sounds a lovely decent man and boss

OP, he is so lovely to do that.

I received a similar value hamper from F&M a few years ago for a huge project I did well on. It was really awkward in the office and I was overwhelmed but didn't want to share anything as I wanted to save it for my children. I did share a few things eventually but I wish I had shared more and been more graceful about it like your DH. I really regret it and still beat myself up over it. I bought them a round of drinks later as a subtle way of saying sorry for being a selfish cow which is really not like me. Thankfully they are lovely and didn't seem too bothered because they are the best colleagues!

Anyway point being I think your DH absolutely did the right thing IMO, apart from not bringing the basket home.

That’s lovely of him and shows his excellent character. Be grateful he’s generous not mean. Much better for you!

I'd be disappointed but also really pleased that my husband is kind and considerate, it really was a lovely thing to do (just get him to pop back and bring the hamper basket back home)

YABU. You holding down the fort has nothing to do with work, that’s your personal fort of your own making. Your DH should be thanking you for doing that but the client’s thank you gift has nothing to do with you. There was likely just as much “holding down the fort” amongst his team on other work which allowed him to focus on this one client. Your DH did the right thing.

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

It's completely natural that he would share it with the people he works with. If my manager at work was gifted a massive hamper by a client and took it all for himself, I would instantly lose all respect for him.

You sound really entitled. Why don't you use your own money and buy yourself one?

It's called life. Get over the hamper and stop barating him for sharing HIS gift. You're embarrassing yourself.

Every time I got hampers, cases of wine or other gifts at work I just distributed to my team. It would never have occurred to me to keep them to myself. It’s want all the directes and senior managers did. Anyone who just kept it to themselves would certainly have been judged by their opera, never mind their team!

The true spirit of Christmas on display. Your DH should be applauded. It's called being a leader. Poor little wife didn't get any truffles and a whicker basket with letters on it. Dear God. 🙄

It's feminism 101 that the salary one half of a couple is able to earn thanks to their partner doing all the unpaid care work has really been earned by both of them. Surely that argument extends to recognition in kind like this hamper?

This is just bollocks. Most women who stay at home and look after kids do it because they don't want to work. If they had a decent career then they could easily pay for childcare and a cleaner.

Personally, I think it's a bit of cheek when women don't work and then try to claim that have contributed equally to their partners success! Definitely not feminism!

Plus, what about SAHM where the partner works long hours but earns minimum wage? Is their childcare/cleaning contribution worth less?

Perhaps you could book yourselves a nice celebratory break away (when you are an adult, sometimes nobody else notices your achievements and you have award them to yourself!)
Also don't put your career on hold - it's making you resentful already.

Definitely get the actual hamper. He's a good soul to work alongside. Hope you get a lovely Christmas gift. Or maybe tell him you'd love a F&M hamper 🥳

I think the key here is that it was gifted to him. If it had been gifted to you as a couple, then you would have a right to be upset, but as it is, I think YABU

OP I seem to be in the minority but I agree with the pp who used caps, I see where you are coming from. It's fine for your DH to share the hamper, but he should bloody well have picked out a few choice items for you.

Odd that so few ppl here see the issue. It's feminism 101 that the salary one half of a couple is able to earn thanks to their partner doing all the unpaid care work has really been earned by both of them. Surely that argument extends to recognition in kind like this hamper?

But him being a decent bloke does matter more. I'd voice my frustration, good-humouredly, and expect something fancy for Christmas.

I think it’s less likely that a small family company would.