People writing cards with late partners in them

Last year I was living in my late grandmother’s house while waiting to move into mine. Her neighbors (who gran thought were in her words ‘bloody odd’) put a card for her through the door. It’s a close cul-de-sac, literally everyone else knew. The flipping hearse would have turned outside their front window.
I took great pleasure in the look on their faces when I said a few days later thanks for the card, you do know XXX died 8 months ago right?

I can't believe that people bother to actual post cards to people who they don't even care enough about to remember if they are still alive or not

I absolutely understand that. I would think nothing of you or anyone continuing to sign his name.

I still talk about my mum in the present tense sometime as I still haven't got my head round it.

When I see posts like that Im always tempted to wish my 12xgt grandfather happy birthday but all I know is he died in 1623

I lost my 22 year old son in an accident 2 years ago and it does feel strange to not include his name where it used to be and it's almost like you are forgetting them if you don't add them which is silly really but it's almost something I can't bear.
My daughter was 12 when he died and they were incredibly close so every birthday and Christmas I get her something from him as a little keepsake and it just feels like old times again for a minute, not to mention she wears his hoodies and has his Xbox in her room lol so not sure what he would say about that haha. Sorry for your losses x

@ElinAlma okay fair enough

I still think a happy birthday to someone who they say is in heaven is at least clearer than addressing a card to the person but the unknown factor remains the most important one here, I think.

I see that a lot but don't find it weird. It's more sad. 'Happily heavenly birthday Mum, I miss you so much' kind of thing.

Sometimes exchanging Christmas cards is the only contact people have. It may be that the senders don’t know somebody has died or they have forgotten. It could also be that they’re on autopilot, distracted or using an out of date list.

I doubt it is done intentionally or maliciously.

We used to get Christmas cards for one of my teachers who had previously lived in our house. I'd always pass on the cards until he very sadly died when he was only in his 40s. After that we never passed on any cards for fear that if they didn't know that the family had moved 15years ago they likely wouldn't know that he'd died and we didn't want his family to be upset by those cards.

Me too.

Perhaps they are upsetting someone. Perhaps another of their mutual Facebook friends doesn't want to be reminded that they never reached that milestone and are dead instead of seeing a bizarre happy birthday in heaven today you're X age. It would upset me if my sister said that on Facebook about our recent mothers death because she is dead and forever the age she died at. I'm acutely aware she won't ever have another birthday

@ElinAlma I don't think that is the same

they aren't upsetting anyone

I am meticulous about keeping the Christmas card list/address book up to date.

My mother sent me a birthday cheque a couple of years ago in my maiden name. I'd been married for 31 years. She was 86 and remains switched on.

My favourite is my friend who always posts for her parents birthdays and says happy birthday, you'd have been 114 today if you were still with me. Like, ok 🤣

I see people saying happy birthday on Facebook to.people they know are dead. Happy birthday granny in heaven you're 100 etc. That's weirder.

Is it possible they don't know?

@notedbiscuits but will you answer the most important question- do these people know?

Not the same but after my dad died, my mum continued to sign our cards from them both. She missed sees him so badly. She followed him on 13 months later

It depends on whether they’ve forgotten the OH has died or think they are doing a kind thing by acknowledging the late partner. It is a bit risky tho. Personally I like it when we get cards that include my daughter’s name, even though she was stillborn. It makes me feel like people remember her and think she matters. It’s a difficult subject to check directly with the remaining spouse/ family though

The lady who lived here before me died 6 years ago and I still get cards for her!

I've never understood the point in sending cards to people you don't see any more. If you literally don't even know they've died, you weren't that close!
[By "you" I mean general you, not anyone on the thread]

I'm pissed off that I've had cards two years running from the same person with my now ex husbands name in, but if it is a dead partners name that is much worse.

Last year I'd sent the card early so she'd notice but that clearly didn't work. This year hers arrived first with his fucking name in again so I replied and then put no ex h anymore btw. Haven't heard from her since.

The first year is excusable; particularly if the death has occurred in the latter part of the year it's easy to think you've told everyone when you haven't. This happened to DF last year after DM passed away in November. By the time we were ready to go through their list, cards had started to arrive addressed to both. DF then either rang or wrote to more distant friends. I'm expecting everyone to have updated this year.

Are the senders not close enough to be aware of the death, yet somehow have them on their Christmas card list? Some people do send cards to anyone and everyone.

@notedbiscuits are you talking about the senders actually doing this while knowing the person is deceased?