People writing cards with late partners in them

One thing to remember particularly the older generation, Christmas cards were a way of keeping intouch with old friends and colleagues.

A bit like the current generation link to people on Facebook or LinkedIn.

Not really on topic, but this is reminding me of my Auntie getting a fancy new address book sometime in the 80s.

It was one of those mechanical address books where you used a lever to scroll to the right letter of the alphabet, then it “popped up.”
I was a kid and thought it was cool.

Anyway, she used pencil rather than pen for anyone she thought likely to die within the following ten years, in order to, “keep the address book tidy.”

I think people either just don’t think?
we have a slightly different scenario here where we have been married for 14 years, and have never been M&Mrs HisSurname, only ever Mr&Mrs CompletelyNewSurname (that was announced at the wedding). But every single year, one relative on his side sends a card to Mr&Mrs HisSurname. Doesn’t matter how many times I write our surname on the card (on the front in big font “from the CompletelyNewSurname’s!!!), or send a separate note explaining, they keep coming!!! I haven’t send a card now to them for 3 years, but they still keep sending them!!

not entirely sure how this is linked to your OP, seem like very different circumstances?

Surely the most likely explanation is most of the people haven't been made aware that the partner is deceased? In which case, after it has happened once, surely the onus is on the person receiving the cards to write back and tell them if they don't want to be upset again every year! People aren't mind-readers, if they haven't been told someone has died how are they supposed to know? At some point you have to take some responsibility!

tbh if you're not close enough to someone to be aware whether they are still alive or not, you're not close enough to be sending them christmas cards!

The example where the person sent the card without the deceased partner for 2 years is odd, but I presume it was just a memory slip, or, possibly if they are older, someone writing their cards for them. My mum does this for my nan so I can imagine if, for example, 'Thomas & Belinda' was written in the address book my nan would remember that Thomas has passed away, but not have updated it (putting a strike through someone's name does seem a bit harsh!) but my mum wouldn't know.

I have recently discovered that some relatives send cards to my Mum with my name on them too.

I'm 62 and haven't lived with my Mum since I left university.

I really don’t understand why people send Christmas cards to others not realising that they have passed away because they haven’t seen or spoken to them all year. They clearly don’t care about the person they are sending it to so why bother. I just find it a little sad. I would find it irritating if a friend/family member sent me a yearly Christmas card but couldn’t text/phone/check in all year before that. Sending a Christmas card to someone every year and then finding out that they died years before is so odd to me.

The first Christmas after my Dad died my Mum gave me a Christmas card signed from Mum and Dad but she crossed out the word Dad!
I was so upset seeing that it made me cry.

I was at the checkout buying DM Christmas gift a few years ago. Lady working till made some "thats nice" type comment, at which point I realised I'd picked put the perfect gift for someone who'd died several years ago. Odd experience.

Christmas is like that, though, so full of nostalgia and it's ok that we think fondly of those we used to know.

I moved into my house 3 years ago. Every year since I moved I receive Xmas cards addressed to the previous owner (2 cards this year). The senders are obviously not close to the previous owners since they don’t know that they sold their house and moved away. Then why do they still send Xmas cards?

I signed a cheque myself with my maiden name when I had been married for 11 years. These very peculiar things happen. I was only 38.

Few people put senders details in cards. Royal Mail would probably just bin them.

I get a card from my late mother's friend. She puts my mother's name followed by R.I.P. I think it's lovely in that case. Anything else is plain weird.

How strange, I'm a widow and this has never happened to me. Do these neighbours / friends know that the other person has passed away ?

I have never heard of people doing this, that is totally weird and a bit creepy.

@Ihopeithinkiknow
So sorry about your son.
When my DH died suddenly - 19 years ago now -I kept his favorite jumper on the pillow on his side of the bed for a long time. It had the smell of him on it and I found it very comforting . So I totally understand your daughter wearing her brother's hoodies.
We have to do what ever helps us cope with the loss don't we?
Best wishes to you.

My MIL did this, she died 17 months later.

Cards are one way to find out if they are still alive. I have a lot of people where the main contact is the Christmas card, with enclosed note of what they've been getting up to that year. I wouldn't want to lose touch completely.

I sent 100birthday congratulations from my Dad to a friend of his who I discovered yesterday died nearly 2 years ago. So that'll be why Dad didn't get a card from him last Christmas, then.

I always put my address on the back so whoever receives it can mark it "no known here - return to sender" but maybe that doesn't work any more.

I completely understand that. I’m extremely sorry for your loss. You are doing a lovely thing for your daughter.

@Ihopeithinkiknow I am so sorry you lost your son. How devastating for you and your family. I think in the Christmas cards I would just write from you, your partner if you have one, and family. I would really struggle to miss out his name 💔

Most people don't put a return address on Christmas cards though.

@Ihopeithinkiknow I'm so very sorry for your loss x

They probably don't even know the person has died.
What relationship is there between the card sender and the recipient? If the only contact is a Christmas card each year then they may well not know the person has died. I remember my parents getting cards each year from distant cousins and acquaintances (and also my parents sending them to those people too) but we had no contact with them the rest of the time.

Then one friend lost her husband almost 3 years ago. First two Christmases her DM’s former neighbour addressed the card to my friend. Today got a card saying her and late DH
And this one probably just forgot unfortunately. Your friend's DM's former neighbour is quite a distant relationship, probably has no contact the rest of year, might have been told about the death of your friend's husband but maybe didn't note it down and managed to remember the first two years and then simply forgot the third time.