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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exchanging presents but not meeting up

109 replies

Northerndownhere · 20/12/2024 19:12

Does anyone only exchange Christmas presents via parcel delivery or via other relatives picking up and dropping off presents at Christmas with no intention of meeting up? I am disappointed that I'm being asked to exchange presents but no actual arrangement of meeting up and socialising. This isn't abroad or even more than 10 miles away. No falling out or bad feeling, just total indifference and no relationship at all. It seems so uncaring and frankly dare I say grabby. I have no interest in presents themselves, I would rather the socialising and care to be shown to myself and DC (one has disabilities). No DH as I'm divorced.

I don't think AIBU but growing up in a toxic family has been questioning myself well into my 50s.

OP posts:
Secondguess · 20/12/2024 19:28

I'm with @TempuraCustard - say that you'd rather exchange gifts when you see each other.

If it's clear that they expect to receive rather than exchange, and don't want to meet up, then save your self-esteem and return the gifts for a refund and spend the money on something more important.

TempuraCustard · 20/12/2024 19:24

Northerndownhere · 20/12/2024 19:22

Any tips on what a reasonable response would be?

I'll give them to you when I see you

Original poster
Northerndownhere · 20/12/2024 19:22

Any tips on what a reasonable response would be?

OP posts:
Original poster
Northerndownhere · 20/12/2024 19:19

Thank you. I am finding Christmasses harder and harder as the years roll by.

Very disappointed as I stupidly bought presents requested (stating clearly I was not expecting anything) and I've been asking to arrange to meet but nothing back just being asked to pass on the presents. With less than a week to go I've realised I have no plans to see them.

Toxic and odd as anything. I am older and wiser since I hit 50 last year and it's very sad to realise this.

OP posts:
Barney16 · 20/12/2024 19:16

I take all mine to relatives, sending by post, unless people are abroad, does seem a bit odd.

Sleep10 · 20/12/2024 19:15

I personally wouldn't bother. If there's no relationship, then I wouldn't want to exchange gifts.
Quality time together is so much more value than anything money can buy. I'm sorry you're going through this 🫂

Orangesandlemons77 · 20/12/2024 19:15

Yes- Dh's family do this., I find it strange. They never see each other otherwise.

Eenameenadeeka · 20/12/2024 19:14

No, if you aren't close enough to spend time together it's odd to exchange gifts. And shopping for gifts can be quite stressful so I wouldn't want to do it for people who can't be bothered spending time with you. I hope you do have some lovely friends or family to celebrate Christmas with.

georgepigg · 20/12/2024 19:14

Er yes. Not seeing my sister & her family this year so sent via Royal Mail. Ditto DH’s brother’s family. Nor my grandparents actually! So excited for a quiet Christmas this year. But we usually end up having to send to at least one family every year.