Exchanging presents but not meeting up

sadly ,this seems to be getting more and more common, not sure what is wrong with people! total disconnect, so sad, I also would prefer seeing people having a nice time, no gifts required, just a good atmosphere, don't get it with family here either, always drama and disconnection...

Same here, with my mum, brother, sister in law.
Myself and DC left alone for Christmas every year. Don't live far away, either.

This is perfect.

There’s no point forcing a meet up with people who aren’t interested. Best to just save your energy for new, better relationships going forward x

I would just message back saying “don’t worry about coming to collect Sam’s presents Alex, I am looking forward to swapping presents with them when I see them. “

Sorry I should've elaborated more.
We don't see SIL and her kids because BIL is unbearable and the children are awfully behaved. I'm not saying this is what your family member is seeing in you, but what I mean is there's usually reasons why people won't meet up. Often it's the person themselves, and what's going on in their life. Basically they're not prioritising you for some reason. And on top of that they're probably aware that it's not good enough but they're doing it anyway. I wonder if your family member is going through something?
Also, it wasn't uncommon when I was growing up that my aunty and uncle would drop and run. No big family meet up type thing. In some family's people tend to meet on mass at weddings/funerals/big bbqs etc, not necessarily Xmas and bdays because it can be hard work rallying the kids.

I think that's fine if it works for you @Mintupp , we are all different. I am not sure the OP feels like it is working for her though.

Okay so I'm going to go against the grain here but this is what we do with DH's sister's kids' presents.its not all black and white like people on here are saying. Not everyone gets on but you might still want to buy their child a present, and rather than an awkward meet up, why not just drop the presents and leave them to it?

DH has 3 siblings - we exchange cards and gifts as appr. to ages of children and family views on gifts for grown ups. One SIL we see all the time as she has a regular gig with DH. The other 2 siblings we don't often see at all but are on good terms with. Meet up or no meet up feels like it doesn't have any bearing on gifting practices to me.

All GPs and sibling on my side have passed as away. We see my SIL, nephew and kids over the Christmas hols. Other nephew lives abroad. We gift to all of these.

We prefer a quiet family Christmas and not one where we are travelling to see people all over the country. Lots of people are like that and find family bearing gifts in person, wanting to be fed or wanting you to feed you wearing.

I would say to them that you feel meeting up is more important to you and why don't we quit the present exchanging, or at least leave it till a meet up.

Posting presents is a hassle.

Post the presents and next year say you've decided to cut down on gifts, so won't be doing any now. If you want to see them then arrange that at a quieter time of year.

@Northerndownhere the way they’ve done it is really cheeky if close enough to pop over. Just say ‘no, not sending them, you can have then when I see you next’ and if they say that’s too late I’d just take them back to the shop. Shouldn’t just be about presents.

I hate how this has crept into my families Christmas routines. Its also become normalised on birthdays. Dropping presents off or exchanging presents without any real social interaction is pretty much saying its a present you need to buy someone to tick a box rather than because you want to.

I would not be giving these people gifts.

I listen to ‘Walk to Well-being’ podcasts on my treadmill. This situation reminds me of an episode with a psychologist who talked about it being ok to let go of relationships that had run their course. The referral was to friendships really, but could be applied here.

I would just say “I would rather meet up to exchange presents properly, let’s arrange something for the new year”. And to the person who’s wanting to play postman “No need, thanks, x and I will be exchanging presents properly when we next meet up”.

Same message every time, word for word, don’t feel like you need to explain or justify yourself - what you want is completely normal, what they want is transactional and weird.

We did this for some years…BIL would expect gifts dropped off, often wasn’t even in when he said he would be to see us so we would leave gifts in the porch, not see anyone or get any gifts back for our kids! Thing is he also has ALOT of kids, 3 different mums, we only have 2 kids so the expense for us was huge! Gave up a few years ago. Nieces and Nephews wouldn’t even know who the gifts were from they saw us that little! Make this your last year of making an effort for them OP x

I wouldn't bother either.
Christmas is such an expensive time and I don't see the point of making it more costly by buying gifts for people who can't make time for each other.

I arranged last year to meet with a friend before Xmas to give her gifts for her four children who I have always bought for and spent time with.
Kept getting fobbed off.
She turned up on my door step one morning but didn't have time to come in.
So I handed the presents over.
Not heard from her since.
Message a few days ago saying must catch up soon...so I am guessing she is expecting presents.
I haven't bought any

...if I am not good enough then neither is my money

Oh goodness Northern, that's even worse!

Sibling relationships can be bloody awful, being 'stuck' with people you have only DNA in common with but nothing else.

You sound a million times better than them, ditch the gifts, ditch the sibs, and move forward from their rubbish, you are so much better than that!

So make this the last year that you do this. Give yourself the gift of not minding from now on that this part of your family has no time for you.

You can have the "let's not do presents this year" conversation at an appropriate point next year.

If I wasn't particularly close with them I wouldn't buy anything for them. In my own family some siblings don't buy for adults , and after years of buying gifts I started to match their energy . They put little to no effort into gifts for my kids for years so now I've gone down the same route this year . Last year they complained that the kids got too much of something they are known for giving every year to ours , I hadn't given this item but I did this year . I need to dial back the Christmas spend and stress

You poor woman.
What utterly toxic people.
I cannot fathom being asked for gifts from people I do not see.
Dropping off gifts to a house that wouldn't open the door.

Honestly OP please stop.
What damage to your soul, well-being, self esteem this must do.

Please save your money and simply do not respond further.

Honestly, whilst you still can I'd return the gifts for my money back and then ignore. Doesn't sound like you'd be losing much to be even lower contact than you are now. Which is really rubbish, you sound lovely, Merry Christmas to you and your DC 🎄