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Original poster

Do I cancel? I’m in a flood of tears

132 replies

dustofastar · 20/12/2024 18:45

Meeting three friends for dinner, one of them has fallen out with me but I thought things were now ok.

She’s arranged to meet the other two before our meeting place. I feel like just saying I’m too ill to go out.

OP posts:
Flicitytricity · 20/12/2024 20:14

Be careful that you're not paranoid - and I say rather as someone who reacted just like you!
In my situation, a group whatsapp message read ' Anne, Barbara, I'll pick you up at 6, grab a glass or 2 before the show'.
I was so pissed off, but 'Carol' had been told by Anne that I was working near the theatre that day, so wouldn't need a lift and she'd let me know where to meet them for drinks.....

So I hadn't been excluded at all - make sure you have been ignored before you jump to conclusions🙂

Abi86 · 20/12/2024 20:13

"Oh, goody. We’re meeting early. I’ll see you all there"

loropianalover · 20/12/2024 20:11

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/12/2024 20:04

I’m struggling to imagine this conversation. She just said “let’s meet beforehand, just me, Pat and Susie (insert real names)”, and the other two just said OK?

Same, would be helpful to know the context. Do they live/work close and are meeting to travel together to dinner? Are they finished work earlier than OP? Did OP read the message wrong?

Zonder · 20/12/2024 20:09

Probably too late now just I'd have replied on the group chat to ask when and where for the pre meet.

arcticpandas · 20/12/2024 20:08

Are you sure you weren't invited as well? Did she specifically just ask the two others on the chat? If they agreed I would say I'll leave you guys to it.

Magicisstillhere · 20/12/2024 20:06

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/12/2024 20:04

I’m struggling to imagine this conversation. She just said “let’s meet beforehand, just me, Pat and Susie (insert real names)”, and the other two just said OK?

This

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/12/2024 20:04

I’m struggling to imagine this conversation. She just said “let’s meet beforehand, just me, Pat and Susie (insert real names)”, and the other two just said OK?

Gemmawemma9 · 20/12/2024 19:57

So she posted on a group chat with the four of you, specifically inviting the other two to meet but not you? I’d have called her out there and then I’m afraid. Pathetic, juvenile behaviour. Your other two friends should have pulled her on it too.
i really hope you haven’t cancelled! Don’t let her win!

Waltons111 · 20/12/2024 19:53

WorkWorrier123 · 20/12/2024 18:56

This sounds like the perfect reply

Show quote history

Yes this.

TruthThatsHardAsSteel · 20/12/2024 19:53

Don't think I would go if it's causing you this much stress. ❤️ Look after yourself

TriptoTipp · 20/12/2024 19:52

What did you fall out about?

How was it resolved?

fluffiphlox · 20/12/2024 19:48

It sounds as if you are all 14. Do grown women actually carry on like this? (I’m late 60s and have never encountered such silly behaviour in adulthood - floods of tears?).

JoyeuxNarwhal · 20/12/2024 19:46

dustofastar · 20/12/2024 18:50

It’s on the group chat

Show quote history

So on a group chat for all of you she literally said "Hey A & B, shall we meet in X place an hour before dinner. @dustofastar not you though, we'll see you later"? Hmm

Pallisers · 20/12/2024 19:45

mintich · 20/12/2024 18:54

I'd just say, oh are we meeting earlier? If she says no, just us three, then I'd cancel. Then meet the others another time. If the others don't say anything then you'll know where you stand with them!

this is perfect.

Teamlux · 20/12/2024 19:45

Decent friends won’t make you feel shit. Do you need them op. It says more about her than you. She couldn’t walk in alone but is making you do just that.

Ilovemyshed · 20/12/2024 19:41

How has the message been written ? Is it name, name shall we meet up before or is it generally how about we meet up before, not you?

Either way I'd say breezily, "great idea, see you there" ... or "oh, am I not invited to drinks then?! LOL".

Put them on the spot. But honestly, are they really friends?

GoldenLegend · 20/12/2024 19:36

She's playing nasty bullying mind games with you. I'd go, and cut ties with her afterwards. Be prepared to stonewall bitchy comments.

CandiedPrincess · 20/12/2024 19:36

If it's on the group chat, then surely it includes you too?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 20/12/2024 19:36

Is there more to this? For example, are you working until 6 and so not able to meet until then but everyone else is free at 5 so they’ve arranged to meet earlier before meeting you? Or do they all live at one side of town and you the other and so they’ve arranged to get a taxi together but will meet for a drink on a pub first? Either of these situations I would say are fine.

Obviously if you are free and available to meet them at the location and time they’re meeting without you but have been asked not to join them because they want some drinks together first then you are not being unreasonable. I can’t really imagine how they would have phrased this in a group chat though which makes me think the scenario must be more like one of the first ones?

Butchyrestingface · 20/12/2024 19:32

Generally people who are trying to exclude one person from a friendship group don’t post the deets of their secret assignations to a group chat including said person.

shrumps · 20/12/2024 19:31

I don’t know if I’m missing something but if it’s on the group chat surely you are included?? If you like them, go; if you don’t, don’t. (They sound a bit shit as a friend group, from an outsiders view, to be honest, but only you know that) x

Bumcake · 20/12/2024 19:31

Why does the message say then? “Shall we meet for drink before dinner? Not you, Dusto”. I can’t understand how she did it on a group message.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/12/2024 19:27

@dustofastar the other two friends are just wimps then, being drawn into her web!!! how did you find out about the earlier meeting? can you just turn up there at the early time and see the look on her face????

Pandasnacks · 20/12/2024 19:26

If she put it on the group chat was the invite not open to you too?

AnyoneSomeone · 20/12/2024 19:26

Your 2 other friends should have insisted you were invited to the meet up before the dinner.

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