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Original poster

To think infertile couples should have priority

155 replies

Lil44 · 20/12/2024 18:04

I’m incredibly grateful to have been able to have my own family. However reading about the latest celeb who already has children adopting a baby makes me feel incredibly sad for infertile couples who are waiting to be able to adopt a much wanted baby. I kind of always assumed such (obviously suitable) couples had priority, seems not??

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 20/12/2024 18:26

Fertile or infertile is absolutely irrelevant, it’s about the best thing for the child.

InformerYaNoSayDaddyMeSnowMeIGoBlameALickyBoom · 20/12/2024 18:24

Lil44 · 20/12/2024 18:16

No, that’s your twisted interpretation

Show quote history

Your thread title literally says infertile people should have priority.

How is that supposed to be interpreted?

Melodyfair · 20/12/2024 18:23

@Lil44 i understand what you are getting at and it could be an interesting debate, but unfortunately the first set of posters have jumped on you and set the tone to snipe without providing any debate, I’d probably just leave it, the sharks are circling.

GroovyChick87 · 20/12/2024 18:22

No I disagree. I realise I am incredibly fortunate to never have had fertility problems and I can't begin to imagine the difficulties that people face, but through my work as a foster carer I can see that it's about who is the best parent for the child. The priority is placing the child with the best suitable parents, not finding a child for an infertile couple. The child is always the priority and is at the forefront of everything. Often there will be physiological or developmental needs to be considered, and finding the parents who can provide a home for that child is paramount. The child is at the centre and not the prospective parents and that's the way it should be.

LivelyBiscuit · 20/12/2024 18:21

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Vaxtable · 20/12/2024 18:21

holju · 20/12/2024 18:06

The priority should be what is best for the baby.

This

Pandasnacks · 20/12/2024 18:17

@Lil44 if that's not what you are saying, then what are you saying?

TotallyTwisted · 20/12/2024 18:16

YABU. What about single people and couples in same sex relationships, should they just not be able to raise kids at all?

Original poster
Lil44 · 20/12/2024 18:16

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No, that’s your twisted interpretation

OP posts:
Karaokequeenie · 20/12/2024 18:16

I’m an adopter. I don’t know if I’m infertile, I never tried for birth children. If you had to prove infertility children’s wait for a family would be even longer! Also, having a child by adoption isn’t the same as having a child by birth, so part of the process is letting go of fantasy children and preparing for the reality of children who have experienced trauma and loss.

I think I know the celebrity that’s triggered your thread. If so, I’m assuming she adopted via US regulations and not UK, where social workers expect an age gap between birth and adopted children, to ensure the needs of all the children in the family can be met.

Shinybear · 20/12/2024 18:16

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She's saying that if both the fertile and infertile couple are equally good candidates, priority should be given to the infertile couple.

However, this isn't how adoption works. Adoption isn't dealt with as a fertility treatment where the wants and needs of the couple are used as a benchmark. It's basically all about finding the most suitable home for the child, so whether or not the couple is fertile is not taken into account.

Victoriasponge12 · 20/12/2024 18:16

FPNI. Adoption is NOT for the benefit of the people who are unable to have children via other means. It is for the benefit of children who are unable to live with their birth parents. I say this as somebody who has experienced both infertility and a 2nd trimester loss.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 20/12/2024 18:16

No, the infertile should not be a priority. It’s not a baby ordering service.

LoveBluey · 20/12/2024 18:15

Infertile couples don't necessarily want to adopt. They want their own baby.

Adopting is not simply taking home a tiny newborn baby who needs a ready loving home. Often the children are older and in need of additional support for various reasons.

TeenToTwenties · 20/12/2024 18:15

They find the 'best' parents for the child.

There is no concept of more deserving, ( or who has been waiting longest.)

Moshta · 20/12/2024 18:15

It should just be everyone equal to try and find the best parent for that child, infertile/fertile shouldn’t come into it in terms of priority.

mitogoshigg · 20/12/2024 18:15

If the adopting couple are adopting overseas, especially in the USA it is very different to the U.K. in the U.K. celebrities would be applying like anyone else

Feelsomuchbetter · 20/12/2024 18:14

Are you talking about a celebrity in the UK or US ? The systems are very different.

It’s extremely complicated in some cases where infertility is a factor in the decision to adopt. Often couples need to have therapy and there’s a lot to work through. Priority needs to be given to the candidates who are the best match for each child and to make the process as quick as possible as the less time in care the better the outcome

Thewrongdoor · 20/12/2024 18:14

Infertile couples can sometimes have a lot of trauma, bitterness and lack of acceptance over their infertility, which can make them not good candidates.

LivelyBiscuit · 20/12/2024 18:14

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LivelyBiscuit · 20/12/2024 18:13

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DrIggyFrome · 20/12/2024 18:13

First post us exactly right!

ribiera · 20/12/2024 18:13

How do you know that the adopting celebrities haven't been on a register for a long while?

Recentgradneedingachance · 20/12/2024 18:13

I think the poster means all things being equal an infertile couple would treasure the chance. And if they were any equal valid couple then yes why bot

Original poster
Lil44 · 20/12/2024 18:11

holju · 20/12/2024 18:06

The priority should be what is best for the baby.

Yes obviously, that goes without saying 🤷🏻‍♀️ not asking for infertile couples to skip the usual checks and there may be a specific reason why a non infertile person may be the best person to adopt

OP posts: