About genetic testing?

I think some things are best left unknown. Perhaps there was an affair that led to one of the siblings not being FILs. The parents must have decided to get over it and raise the sibling as FIL's but how will that change family dynamics if the truth came out? The sibling will forever feel different from the others and will probably end up wishing they'd never found out the truth.

My husband had something similar in his family through a cousin doing this kind of testing. It came out that at least one of a number of siblings did not have the same dad as the others. Cousin recommended my husband get tested to see if he shared the 'new' grandparent but he decided against it at least while his parent is alive. He knows his parent would be devastated if it came out their dad wasn't their dad, and as far as he's concerned the grandad who he loved as a child is his grandad and he doesn't want to be told otherwise.

Oh I'd be burning with curiosity now... and frankly their reaction means its clear there IS a secret, they've let that cat outta the bag and there is no putting it back! So now its a matter of 'what is the secret' not 'are there any secrets'...

School mum’s dh did one a few years ago. His dad wasn’t who he thought. Can of worms caused so much heartache.

@romanfriendsandcountrywomen I think it was called The Gift. It was on last week. About the unintended consequences of DNA testing done " as a bit of fun".
It was compelling listening. I really would urge you, OP to listen to it first.

I'd be consumed by curiosity and would want to know the answers.

The Heinz thing is because MIL is half Greek, quarter Albanian and quarter Belgian and FIL is a mix of Kenyan, South African and (randomly) somewhere in Scandinavia.

Well at least that means they are less likely to be secret siblings...

They might, of course, just be paranoid that their genetic information is going to be sold to an insurance company, rather than actually having any interesting mystery involved. Or maybe FIL was a prolific sperm donor back in the day and is worried that he has hundreds of stealth offspring.

I can't imagine your DHs parents not explaining what the secret is now this has happened. Surely they must know the kids will test and find out for themselves. Isn't it better for family relationships to be open now at this point, and will give them the opportunity for apologies/spin/explanations

I'd be straight on a testing website and ticking the priority delivery option.

That's incredibly difficult!! Once the box is open, you can't shut it. Personally, I probably wouldn't, the chance of a sibling being unrelated and feeling awful sensitive at every family event.

The in-laws should have played it cool and said, “thanks, nice thought but that doesn’t really sound like our thing, please could we have an M&S hamper.”

I’d be straight on the internet ordering one for me LOL! Mine turned out to be Pandora’s box but fortunately everyone involved is dead, but we did get a lot of answers to why my Nan was so bloody secretive and weird.

So long as they go in expecting to find big surprises then go for it

If my mum flipped out at the idea of doing a genetic testing thing, I wouldn't be able to resist. I wouldn't be able to shake the possibility that there was something very important about me that I didn't know. And I wouldn't want that.

If I were your DH I'd definitely be quietly doing my own testing now!

I'm guessing there's some skeletons somewhere.

I think it's for your DH and his siblings to decide. And now their mum has set them wondering I think they won't be at ease till they test.

Her reaction was unhinged so there must be a story there!

OP I would maybe suggest to those involved, that they ask themselves whether if they had secrets, about the parentage of their children, would they really want them broadcast. What a Pandora's box has been opened here!

I think honestly people should be careful, ours was very boring but if you can’t handle finding things out they shouldn’t do it. Personally I wouldn’t be able to stop myself, I’d have to do it, especially after MIL’s reaction.

My FIL ( now deceased) was contacted by a distant overseas relative who was investigating his family tree. He had worked out that my husbands elderly uncle ( early nineties) and his wife had had their daughter out of wedlock. My FIL and his brother were distraught and were convinced they were being blackmailed They were so upset and it was distressing to see their fear. My husband had to step in and tell the long distance relative to leave his parents alone.
I would hate my family tree to be broadcast and investigated. Very working class background, most children born out of wedlock. No doubt some were in prison.
I listen to some people boasting about their ancestors. I would rather let the past sleep

My parents both did one of these as they're into genealogy. My mum found out the man who she thought was her Dad wasn't, unfortunately her mother died a few years ago, her bio father & 'Dad' both died years back so she can't get any answers.

I think if she could go back she wouldn't do the test.

Yes, sounds fair to wait until after Christmas.

It could be anything from them not understanding dna and being paranoid about a petty theft conviction of their parent in 1956 to one of them was adopted to one of the children has a different father, or something like the parents are cousins.

Bit now the cat is out of the bag there's no way the children won't test - the mystery would be too much.

God yeah I'd be doing it straight away to find out!!

Actually got my DH this as a Christmas gift but he did ask for it and is aware he may have some siblings who he is interested in finding. I think he has thought it through and that's what he wants so fair play to him.

I've got a very interesting family history where there was an illegal adoption covered up... it's caused a lot of damage. I didn't find out via dna testing.
But it's given me the rage regarding people lying about adoption and or parentage to children. It can have such devastating effects to lie. These things do tend to come out in the end in some way.. or they impact in some way..regardless of whether you actively try and find out.
Everyone has a right to know who they are and where they come from, and the truth.